People keep telling me that I must forget the past. As it is I keep forgetting to forget the past. Is my memory going on me or is there really nothing to worry about. I thank you for your response(s)in advance.

Haridaspal: If the mobile always rings when you are in the bathroom why not bring the mobile in the bathroom with you?

JackS: It is great and truly wonderful to see that the pope is becoming progressive in this area, as he should be. However, because the French word "habit" means "suit" as in "Suit and tie" in English, Hopefully the pope will write out his newly established permission in such a way that the French speaking preists will not feel excluded and made to feel that THEY must continue to abstain from kissing nuns.

Gentlegiant101: Well, well, you may be gentle but you're something else, too - just the person of my heart!!!

I have done this often. The results are amazing if you succeed.
You casually walk up to some guy you know who has more confidence than you feel he deserves. You look around casually as if thinking about something (which you aren't) you do this for a little bit while the guy is absorbed in whatever. Than you react as if surprised as if you noticed something about his fly in his pants being open. (Don't overdo the act!)Than in a way that is best for you.....NOT SOMEBODY ELSE.... tell him that his fly is CLOSED. (in the same way you would if you were telling him that his fly IS actually OPEN. If distracted enough he WILL attempt to CLOSE his fly only to be dumbfounded to see that it is closed. So now just relax and watch as he deals with this perplexing issue until he realises that YOU DID TELL HIM THAT "HIS FLY IS CLOSED" Than wait to see how he deals with this info!
I have seen such confident guys become speachless and flustered so fast that I can truely say that it is COOL to watch and observe. But I always go after the guys who have some superior edge over me, a boss for example or a "class clown" who always gets the last word, etcetra.
Thanks for reading my post!

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c66/Darkfox72/JokeSign7.jpg
http://data1.blog.de/blog/k/kikita/img/SignOfConfusion_26.jpg
http://www.blog4humor.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/03/be%20a%20sperm%20donor.bmp
???
http://i16.ebayimg.com/05/i/06/c5/49/e4_1_b.JPG
http://www.oldtowncathouse.com/images/new-05/cat-vomit_lg.jpg

JackS: ha ha --don`t get in the habit. good 1 mook

WatfordFC: very good .+ to those of us who are getting up there in yrs= a propos mook53lhd

Haridaspal: WOW your in India and you new we had been promoted

JackS:

JackS:

I heard the Pope said the preists can kiss the nuns now.

So long as they don't get in the Habit.

WatfordFC: lol, that is cute..

WatfordFC: Great story, thanks, but I just noticed your name - that's great, too! Best of luck for the Premier League!!!

This was my grandfather's favourite tale on old people with set habits:

Two old men were sitting on a park bench (a la Aqualung?) one morning. One said to the other, "You know, habits are so difficult to break at our age. For instance, it's become my habit to go home after the morning walk and have a cold beer, whether there's some at home or not."

The second man was most intrigued; "How can you have a beer if there's none at home?"

Said the first old man forlornly, "That's what I was talking about - (sigh) habit!'

The older you are the funnier it gets...........
This is a story of two elderly people living in a mobile home park in
Florida. He was a widower and she was a widow. They had known one
another for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the Club House, and the
widower and widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening and spirits were high. The widower sent a few admiring glances across the table, and the widow smiled coyly back at him. Finally, he plucked up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes. Yes, I will. "

The meal ended with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective homes. The next morning, the widower was troubled. Did she say 'Yes', or did she say 'No'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him he could not recall her response.

With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First,
he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he
reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
"Why, you silly man, I said 'Yes. Yes I will.' And I meant it with all
my heart. "The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued, "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't
remember who asked me."
|

Haridaspal: very very good. a perverse joke where the joke is always on us. ain`t it the way! mook53lhd

From here and there:

1. Whenever you find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

2. The road to success is always under construction.

3. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think of it,
neither does milk.

4. In order to get a loan, you are first required to prove that you
don't need it.

5. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or
fattening.

6. Since light travels faster than sound, people appear brighter
before you hear them speak.

7. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever
tried.

8. Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most
inaccessible corner.

9. 42.73% of all statistics is made on the spot.

10. As soon as you mention something ... if it is good, it is
taken ... If it is bad, it happens.

11. The golden rule - He who has the gold, makes the rules.

12. If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late, the bus is
still late.

13. Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being
sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

14. When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the
person in front of you will always have the most complex of
transactions.

15. If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

16. All buses are crowded... all buses in the opposite direction
always go empty.

17. The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the
bathroom.

18. If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

19. The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the
errors until another person is fired or quits.

20. Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the
cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker.

The Listener: you`re an A-1 caperman . my congrats sir. ha ha .keep up the good stuff mookster

King Reza: Never mind! Something really funny might turn up next time.

Dolittle:And as a person who doesn't know WalMart and nor does he know the different types of wine, I didn't understand it at all!

ClayNashvilleTN:As an ex WalMart employee, I love that!!

Wal-Mart announced on January 3, 2006, that it will begin offering
customers a new discount item - WALMART's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $1- $3 range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for inexpensive
wine," said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at University of Arkansas, Bentonville.
She said: "But the right name is important." Customer surveys were
conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine
brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. Grape Expectations
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

mook53lhd:
Thanks! I'm going to e-mail them to a friend who had trouble with her roomates in colleges last year! Maybe she can use a few of these this semester? I can see her doing some of these!

rednaz23: now theres a person with a morbid wry wit. hooray hooray hooray ad infinititum mook

rednaz23:

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."

9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "The hair, it's growing. Growing!"

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

hexkid: That was great, but it's a particular poem I'm looking for.

Haridaspal: Do you mean "Back in the Old Days"?

Many years ago I read a poem in which the (anonymous) poet hankered for the "Good Old Days" when 'gay' meant happy or joyful and 'grass' was something cows ate and 'pot' was what you used to cook with and so on. Have anyone read that poem? I would like to read it again, but I can't find it!

Haridaspal:

You're on your own there...lol.

yoyudax:
Aaah! That was fantastic! Made my day!!! Thanks a lot.

Should I recite it to my wife when I go home this evening? Please advise.

A Newfoundland Love Poem (Who said Newfies weren't
romantic?)

Of course I love ya darling
You're a bloody top notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No woman who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me grannies grave now
The moment that we met
I thought u was as good as
I Was ever gonna get

No matter wot u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the hockey's on
And fetch another beer.

There are three men who are working at a Construction Site an American, an Italan, and an Mexican.

It's there lunchbreak and they open there lunchboxes, the Mexican opens his agh a pizza if I get a pizza one more time
I'll kill myself, the Italan opens his agh a salad if I get a salad one more time I'll kill myself, and then the American opens his agh a sandwhich
if I get a sandwhich one more time I'll kill myself.

the next day at lunch:
the Mexican opens his lunch agh a pizza: and he jumps off the building then his wife says: oh if only he told me not to make pizza
the Italan opens his agh a salad: and he jumps off the building then his wife says: oh if only he told me not to make salad
then the American opens his lunch agh a sandwhich: and he jumps off the building then his wife says: don't look at me he makes his own lunch

Skyking: very good as i`m not a fan of hers. by the way. hows penny & the songbird. ? mook53lhd

While still president, Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row with the Secret Service people directly behind them.

One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.

At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "no." The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."

Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it! Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hilly, baby."

With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.

She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you "!^$#@&!". The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting and , and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd.

He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"

Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.

The agent replies, "Sir, I said they want you to throw out the first Pitch."

lock your doors run away but do not (I really mean this) do NOT read the past jokes...some of them are stupid! *203*

nobleheart: what's with the sumo peeps? lol. gotta love them chiken jokes...or something like that : P

nobleheart: hey i liked most of them. can`t beat a corny clean joke. mookster

http://www.factsjokesnfun.com/funny_picture/8/small_thumbs/sumos-cross-the-road.jpg

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bob sent me this:
http://www.pypressusa.com/images/BobDylanChickenCartoon%20copy.jpg

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http://cif.rochester.edu/~willdb/refurbished/rj20040604.png

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http://www.murraythechicken.com/jokes/1why.gif

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http://www.ananova.com/images/news/laughlabchickenPA410x223.jpg

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a fowl link:
http://www.whydidthechickencrosstheroad.com/

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What's your favorite chicken?
Fried
Barbequed
Broiled
Rubber
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Why did the pigs cross the road with their laundry?
They wanted to do their hogwash snork snork snork
-
Why did the one-handed chicken cross the road?
To get to the secondhand shop.
-
Why did the rabbit cross the road?
to get to the hopping mall.
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Why did the wasp cross the road?
It needed to go to the waspital
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How do you keep a dog from crossing the road?
You put him in a barking lot.
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Why did the otter cross the road?
To get to the otter side.
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Where do animals go when they lose their tails?
They go across the road to the retail shop.
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and last but not least,these:
Why did the chicken cross the muddy road and not come back?
Because he didn't want to be a dirty double-crosser.
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Why did the hen go halfway across the road and stop?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
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what do you get when you cross a french poodle with a chicken pooched eggs of course .well i haven`t seen anyone else attempt 1 mook53lhd

prettymama: so essentially they`re 2 huge water balloons hmm .didn`t want to say bazooms.but if the pic got by ,i guess a funny word can. mook

nobleheart: that's some weird pic, but there funny *260*

http://www.cornichon.org/archives/Sign.jpg
dogs can read now?
http://img.buzznet.com/assets/users6/kytn/weirdsigns/large-msg-1112826980-2.jpg
http://www.texaskayakfisherman.com/forum/files/weird_sign.jpg
http://images.plus613.com/9000/www_plus613_com_gogglesw.gif
protection from what?
http://tommyschultz.com/images/funny/coconut-sign.jpg
http://media3.guzer.com/pictures/get_gas_sign.jpg
guess i won't order beans
http://dominic-mazzoni.com/albums/funny/CIMG0253.jpg
s'plain please
http://www.kenston.k12.oh.us/khs/class_of_2007/funny_ad_of_the_day/dirtyyyyy_d.jpg
aha thats were they all go!!
http://www.club101.org/links/pic3.html
scroll down to the bottom sign
http://www.pushby.com/friends/jesse/archives/images/ohgodsm.jpg
ok I think thats about enough for the day
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