mook53lhd:
Thanks! I'm going to e-mail them to a friend who had trouble with her roomates in colleges last year! Maybe she can use a few of these this semester? I can see her doing some of these!

rednaz23: now theres a person with a morbid wry wit. hooray hooray hooray ad infinititum mook

rednaz23:

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."

9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "The hair, it's growing. Growing!"

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

hexkid: That was great, but it's a particular poem I'm looking for.

Haridaspal: Do you mean "Back in the Old Days"?

Many years ago I read a poem in which the (anonymous) poet hankered for the "Good Old Days" when 'gay' meant happy or joyful and 'grass' was something cows ate and 'pot' was what you used to cook with and so on. Have anyone read that poem? I would like to read it again, but I can't find it!

Haridaspal:

You're on your own there...lol.

yoyudax:
Aaah! That was fantastic! Made my day!!! Thanks a lot.

Should I recite it to my wife when I go home this evening? Please advise.

A Newfoundland Love Poem (Who said Newfies weren't
romantic?)

Of course I love ya darling
You're a bloody top notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No woman who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me grannies grave now
The moment that we met
I thought u was as good as
I Was ever gonna get

No matter wot u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the hockey's on
And fetch another beer.

There are three men who are working at a Construction Site an American, an Italan, and an Mexican.

It's there lunchbreak and they open there lunchboxes, the Mexican opens his agh a pizza if I get a pizza one more time
I'll kill myself, the Italan opens his agh a salad if I get a salad one more time I'll kill myself, and then the American opens his agh a sandwhich
if I get a sandwhich one more time I'll kill myself.

the next day at lunch:
the Mexican opens his lunch agh a pizza: and he jumps off the building then his wife says: oh if only he told me not to make pizza
the Italan opens his agh a salad: and he jumps off the building then his wife says: oh if only he told me not to make salad
then the American opens his lunch agh a sandwhich: and he jumps off the building then his wife says: don't look at me he makes his own lunch

Skyking: very good as i`m not a fan of hers. by the way. hows penny & the songbird. ? mook53lhd

While still president, Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row with the Secret Service people directly behind them.

One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.

At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "no." The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."

Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it! Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hilly, baby."

With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.

She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you "!^$#@&!". The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting and , and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd.

He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"

Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.

The agent replies, "Sir, I said they want you to throw out the first Pitch."

lock your doors run away but do not (I really mean this) do NOT read the past jokes...some of them are stupid! *203*

nobleheart: what's with the sumo peeps? lol. gotta love them chiken jokes...or something like that : P

nobleheart: hey i liked most of them. can`t beat a corny clean joke. mookster

http://www.factsjokesnfun.com/funny_picture/8/small_thumbs/sumos-cross-the-road.jpg

-
bob sent me this:
http://www.pypressusa.com/images/BobDylanChickenCartoon%20copy.jpg

-
http://cif.rochester.edu/~willdb/refurbished/rj20040604.png

-
http://www.murraythechicken.com/jokes/1why.gif

-
http://www.ananova.com/images/news/laughlabchickenPA410x223.jpg

-
a fowl link:
http://www.whydidthechickencrosstheroad.com/

-
What's your favorite chicken?
Fried
Barbequed
Broiled
Rubber
-
Why did the pigs cross the road with their laundry?
They wanted to do their hogwash snork snork snork
-
Why did the one-handed chicken cross the road?
To get to the secondhand shop.
-
Why did the rabbit cross the road?
to get to the hopping mall.
-
Why did the wasp cross the road?
It needed to go to the waspital
-
How do you keep a dog from crossing the road?
You put him in a barking lot.
-
Why did the otter cross the road?
To get to the otter side.
-
Where do animals go when they lose their tails?
They go across the road to the retail shop.
-
and last but not least,these:
Why did the chicken cross the muddy road and not come back?
Because he didn't want to be a dirty double-crosser.
-
Why did the hen go halfway across the road and stop?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
-

what do you get when you cross a french poodle with a chicken pooched eggs of course .well i haven`t seen anyone else attempt 1 mook53lhd

prettymama: so essentially they`re 2 huge water balloons hmm .didn`t want to say bazooms.but if the pic got by ,i guess a funny word can. mook

nobleheart: that's some weird pic, but there funny *260*

http://www.cornichon.org/archives/Sign.jpg
dogs can read now?
http://img.buzznet.com/assets/users6/kytn/weirdsigns/large-msg-1112826980-2.jpg
http://www.texaskayakfisherman.com/forum/files/weird_sign.jpg
http://images.plus613.com/9000/www_plus613_com_gogglesw.gif
protection from what?
http://tommyschultz.com/images/funny/coconut-sign.jpg
http://media3.guzer.com/pictures/get_gas_sign.jpg
guess i won't order beans
http://dominic-mazzoni.com/albums/funny/CIMG0253.jpg
s'plain please
http://www.kenston.k12.oh.us/khs/class_of_2007/funny_ad_of_the_day/dirtyyyyy_d.jpg
aha thats were they all go!!
http://www.club101.org/links/pic3.html
scroll down to the bottom sign
http://www.pushby.com/friends/jesse/archives/images/ohgodsm.jpg
ok I think thats about enough for the day
--

Templar: heh heh that's funny

Sarah1980: i`ve been to the big texan in amarillo ,i savvy about texas .amusing story. i spent over a whole day (in the olden days) hitching up from el paso to dallas .bigger than big the eyes of texas were sure upon me . mook53lhd

rednaz23: I think we are over it now 

Sarah1980: You know he may have started it, but you didn't have to do anything in return... To take a well known quote and change it a bit... "Only the foolish will follow a fool."

>
>  God is sitting in  Heaven when a scientist says to Him, "Lord, we don't
>need you anymore.   Science has finally figured out a way to create life
>out of nothing.   In other words, we can now do what you did in the
>'beginning'."
>
>"Oh, is that so? Tell me..." replies God.
>
>"Well, "  says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the
>likeness of You  and breathe life into it, thus creating man."
>
>"Well, that's  interesting.  Show  Me."
>
>So the scientist  bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil.
>
>"Oh no, no, no..."  interrupts God,
>
>"Get your own  dirt."

mook53lhd: There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The  person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the  bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."  The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and  skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

Sarah1980: ???? meant questioning. as in i didn`t get your posts gist. i should have said what are you questioning ---i just made a blanket statement. how can you not like ????? .anyway my error for confusing you. i try & type the least possible amount of char. oh characters. my keyboard skips etc anyway i type with 1 finger. believe it i get aches & pains there at times. so i use symbols or 4 =for thats all it was.so tell me a joke mook53lhd

What is the difference between a goldfish and a goat?
A goldfish mucks around in the fountains....

rednaz23: well he started it , so talk to him

Sarah1980 and mook53lhd: orange and green zebras... blah!!! Let's not blow anything up...

mook53lhd: well I don't know what ?????means but I don't think I like it

Sarah1980: that 1 i liked. good show .in clcks ha ha ha hooo hooo mook

Sarah1980: what are you. ????? i simply made a statement. if you`re referring to the k missing in the last line my keyboard &^%% anyway .i was saying jokes are good medicine .its the thought even if the jokes not so good. but its always better to tell the joke anyway. i added well maybe you shouldn`t at a funeral. i don`t know sara it made sense to me when i wrote it.>>>>>hare you are mook.

mook53lhd: what are you talking about??

Sarah1980: you re right should have taken your advice. nah seriously there can never be anything wrong with trying to elicit a laugh from your fellow man or woman. even a corny joke can be funny. in general i would say trying to tell a funny can never be wrong. well --- i should clarify. you don t crack joes at a funeral etc mook53lhd

Sarah1980:I loved that one

Sarah1980:

Absolutely brilliant!

ok ok so they weren't awake when they made the sign,maybe it was the high elevation..thin air..ya?
http://img241.echo.cx/img241/1885/sign4vp.jpg

http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~nmuntal/images/funny%20sign%20church.jpg

I thought so also

Sarah1980: That was a funny story! Uegonerea Lectit. LOL

gogul: there