A guy walks into a pub and says to the bar man "a larf of hager and a blass of geer please".The bar man says "pardon"?.The guy repeats his order "larf of hager and blass of geer please".The bar man says "got it,you want a half of lager and a glass of beer,yes"?
"Thats what I said" retorted the customer.
The bar man explained that the guy had a slip of the tongue--a freudian slip and the words came out different to what he had intended.The bar man said to him "don't worry it happens to everybody at some time or other,in fact it happened to me the other morning.I was sitting at the breakfast table with my wife and intended to say to her--would you mind passing me the teapot darling,but I had a slip of the tongue and what I actually said was---You big fat bastard you have ruined my life"
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Two eggs boiling in a saucepan.One egg turns to the other and says "Its getting hot in here".The other egg replies " Wait till they lift you out--they will smash your head in"
YOU are driving a bus.Six people get on,three get off,then eight get on and 10 more get off,then six people get off and two more get on.What colour are the driver's eyes ?