Partica: geesh..how far out into the "corn" field did you have to go for those? gee lets have a vote for the brainking corn queen..I vote of course for partica.

Partica:
(this joke works best if you got a lisp)
knock knock.
who's there?
panther
panter who?
panther no panth,I'm going swimming
----
hey speaking of lisps.
did you here about the girl with a lisp that didnt believe in mistakes?
to her,every miss was a myth.
har har hardy har

Archimedes, the well known truth-seeker,
Jumping out of his bath, cried, "Eureka!"
He ran half a mile,
Wearing only a smile,
And became the very first streaker

correction
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner,
Trying to evaluate Pi
He disclaimed rule of thumb,
Found an infinite sum,
And exclaimed "It's REAL, nary an i."

((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0

a dozen, a gross, and a score
plus three times the square root of four
divided by seven
plus five times eleven
is nine squared and not a bit more
-------
A mathematician called Madder
Whose snake scared his wife up a ladder
Was asked by her, "Pray —
Can you take it away?"
But replied, "No, I can't ... it's an adder!"
------
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner,
Trying to evaluate .
He disclaimed rule of thumb,
Found an infinite sum,
And exclaimed "It's REAL, nary an i."
------

roses are red,
violets are purple,
sugar is sweet,
like maple surple.

Miss Farad was pretty and sensual
And charged to a reckless potential;
But a rascal named Ohm
Conducted her home -
Her decline was, alas, exponential.
------
An electron, while trav'ling in space,
Met a positron there "face-to-face."
The electron then sighed,
At the sight of his bride
And they "died" in a loving embrace.

There once was a girl named Irene,
who lived on distilled kerosene.
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon,
And since then has never benzene!
------
A burlesque dancer, a pip
Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
But she read science fiction
and died of constriction
Attempting a Moebius strip.
------

A graduate student at Trinity
Computed the square of infinity.
But it gave him the fidgits (sic)
to put down the digits,
so he dropped math and took up divinity.

how about everyone telling us/or finding one:
a good limmerick.we must keep it clean,although if you know a real good saucy one,message me...lol

JamesHird: is it ok to be smokin' in bed[wink]

INVENTORAMF: hey,that sounds like a lisp joke...lol..careful no one complains about speech impediment or gay speech style jokes.
---
Q : did you hear about the girl with a lisp that didn't believe in mistakes?
A : to her,every "miss" was a "myth".

http://www.near-death.com/images/graphics/hospital/veridical%20operation%20cartoon/if_your_reading_this.jpg

http://www.thejokefactory.org/JF_pictures/Pictures_by_date/2001/07_July_01/Fast%20Tide.jpg

http://www.ajokes.com/jokes/3261.html

BIG BAD WOLF: O got 9/10...fluke.

chupacabraVS2:
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."
-
http://www.c-wilkie.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jokes/images/drunk_pumpkin.jpg

danoschek: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=men+jokes

martha stewart's christmas
http://www.funehumor.com/images/fun/mspris03.jpg
marth's mag
http://photos1.blogger.com/img/142/2778/640/Martha-Stewart-joke.jpg
----
fun with mikey
http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/apes.jpg
http://www.bravesbeat.com/photos/rap/062004/r03.jpg

accidents are not funny
but some are weird
http://www.wreckedexotics.com/newphotos/weird/weird027.shtml

http://www.humorweb.no/bilder/dip.jpg

find a funny sign or ad,here is mine:
http://www.prosoundweb.com/fun/Photofun/loose.jpg

BIG BAD WOLF:
more calvin favs:
http://www.glue.umd.edu/~vikas/calvin.gif
http://www.dei.unipd.it/~nil/IMG/calvin-move.gif
http://hem.passagen.se/rust29/images/HOBBE/AN_FOOD.GIF
http://www.freewebs.com/calvin_hobbes_home/hungrycalvin.gif
http://tig.mu.nu/archives/calvin.gif
http://www.1polly.nl/polly107/polly107.html

the far side cartoons:
http://www.mikemccandless.com/images/farside/annihilation.gif
http://www.mikemccandless.com/images/farside/early_exp.gif
http://www.mikemccandless.com/images/farside/slugs.gif
http://www.imagrissom.com/images/gallery/farside.jpg
http://www.colby.edu/republicans/humor/humor1.gif
note,this is another democrat joke!!!
PS was there not someone else who drew cartoon with weird humour like the far side?
-----
the cheech wizard cartoons:
http://rocbo.chez.tiscali.fr/illus/bode/img/bode3.jpg
----
?
http://ontheroadwdrevil.home.att.net/Anjomrooz05-20-03.jpg

there was a terrible bus accident,in which,god rest their souls,three nuns found themselves at the gates of heaven.
the angel saint peter told them " to get in,all your have to do is answer a question that proves your faith".
the angel saint peter says to the 1st nun"what did eve take from the tree of knowledge?"
the 1st nun says"an apple?"
"yes,your in" says peter,opening the gate for her.
the angel saint peter says to the 2nd nun"what was the first mans name"
the 2nd nun says"adam?"
"yes,your in"says peter.
the angel saint peter says to the 3rd nun."now you are the mother superior,so for you the question will be a little tougher.
what did eve say,when she first saw adam naked?"
the mothersuperior says" oh,thats real hard one!"
"yes,your in"says peter.

INVENTORAMF:
ant dictionary:
adamant the 1st ant
antigene an ants aunt
antenna another ants aunt
ANTIDORA yet another ants aunt
anthelix an ant rock band
antecedent an ant seeing a banged up car
anteflexion ant exercise
antecurvature barbi ant
antegrade an ants education level
antelocation were an ant lives
antemortem a dead ant?
ASPIRANT another dead ant?
COOLANT a hip ant
COUCHANT an ant that watches TV all day.
DEBUTANT a teenage ant?
Antepar two ants
ABERRANT a naked ant
ANTEDATE a ant rendezvous
ANTELOPE comes after the rendezvous sometimes
ANTHEMED an ant in a dress?
ANTHILLS what ants climb
reliant an ant you can depend on?
ANTIBOSS the queen ant to her friends
anticity were the ants live
ANTICULT hare krisna ants
DOMINANT a dominatrix ant
DEVIANT a prev ant
ETCHANT an ant artist

If you take your laptop to the bathroom instead of a business newspaper or magazine.
If you start calling TV Dinners - PC Dinners.
If you worry that you might get a tumor from being in front
of the computer too long.
If you think a night out on the town is drinking a beer while
hanging out in an Internet cybercafe.
If you get frustrated in waiting rooms because they don't
have any PC-related magazines to read.
you think (x6)+(x4) is a perfectly natural way to multiply by 80.
you've gutted and rebuilt your computer 5 times since you last changed the oil in your car.
you know what a router is, and you know what a bit is, but you've never heard of a router bit.
you know the square root of 65536 is 256 without having to do the math.
you see a good-looking girl and you DESPERATELY want her e-mail address so you can get to know her.
the only tan you've ever acquired comes from your monitor.
when asked if you have more than one hard drive, you answer "In which computer?"
you spend more time changing settings in Windows 98 than using it.
you can actually read the error message details when a Windows program has a problem.
you spend more time chatting on-line in one day then you do in a week's worth of actual conversation with people face-to-face.
when you're reading a magazine and you see an underlined passage, you feel compelled to click on it.
you dream in code.
you can program in more languages than you can speak.
you e-mail yourself notes rather than writing them...

Your e-mail address ends in "@over.yonder.com."
Your laptop has a sticker that says, "Protected by Smith and Wesson."
You wire your network with jumper cables.
You've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your drink on.
Three Words: Daisy Duke Screensaver.
Your spell checker knows words like, "Y'all", "Yonder", and "Reckon."
Your yard is full of dead CPUs, printers, modems and monitors.
Your belt buckle is made from a dead 3.5" disk drive.
You ever felt you had to move your computer desk so it didn't block the velvet picture of Elvis.
When you order your new pick-up truck with a gun rack and PCMCIA sockets.
Your PC Games collection consists of nothing but Bass Fishing tournament games.
You only buy from GateWay, 'cause the cow boxes are a hoot.

You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two".
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
You've ever called education a luxury.
You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

Knock-Knock Blonde

Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
Because they leave to answer the door.

pgt:
knock knock
who's there?
panther
panther who?
panther no panth,I goin' yhwimmin'

1.You think the stock market has a fence around it.
2.You've ever used lard in bed.
3. your mother has ever yelled at you as a kid" get out of your sister"
4.The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
5.You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
6.Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
7.Red Man sends you a Christmas card.
8.The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
9.You own a homemade fur coat.
10.Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
11.Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
12.The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
13.There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
14.You mow your lawn and find a car.
15.Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
16.Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
17.You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
18.Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.
19.You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
20.You think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company.
21.You got stopped by a state trooper.He asked you if you had an I.D.And you said, 'Bout What?'
22.You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
23.You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
24.you have have at least one relative on the Jerry Springer's show.
25.More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
26.Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
27.You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
28.There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
29.Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
30.Your home has more miles on it than your car.
31.There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
32.You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
33.You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
34.There is a wasp nest in your living room.
35.You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
36.You can spit without opening your mouth.
37.You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
38.You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
39.Your screen door has no screen.
40.You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
41.Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
42.You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
43.You've ever been too drunk to fish.
44.You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
45.You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.
46.The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
47.You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
48.You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
49.The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
50.Bikers back down from your momma.
51.You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
52.You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.
53.You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
54.You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
55.You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
56.You clean your nails with a stick.
57.You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
58.You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
59.You think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi.

how many men
http://www.offthemarkcartoons.com/cartoons/2003-08-04.gif
the difference
http://riderblues.homestead.com/files/DIFF_MEN_WOMAN.jpg

ClayNashvilleTn: southern girls humour:
http://www.webwombat.com.au/entertainment/humour/Grumpy_Old_Coot/62barbie.htm

http://www.prankplace.com/turleen.htm

single women come home, see whats in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see whats in bed and go to the fridge.

INVENTORAMF: I like funny ..you like funny:
http://www.funsilly.com/newimages/pie1.gif

INVENTORAMF: groan..corny joke..out picking in the corn field again were you?

http://www.deeplake.com/men/jokes/
http://www.corsinet.com/braincandy/jkmen.html

old woman walk into a manchester butcher shop & asks the butcher for an eider duck.
the butcher puts a duck on the counter.
the old woman sticks her finger in the rear of the duck,then says"thats not an eider duck".
butcher get another duck.old woman again sticks her finger in the rear of the duck,then says"thats not an eider duck".
butcher goes into the back of the shop,get another duck.
old woman again sticks her finger in the rear of the duck,then says"thank you,thats an eider duck,I'll take it".
old woman then says"say,your not the regular butcher,were are you from".
the butcher comes around the counter,drops his pants & say" your so smart,you tell me lady".

...I'm 1/2 irish,so I guess I can get away with sharing:
Q : whats long & green & has an IQ of 65?
A : the st.patrick's day parade.

Q : what happened when st.partick quit drinking?
A : he got the shamrock shakes.

just kidding..in honour of st.patrick's day,I wonder if there are any celtic goddesses?

Nirvana: ty for the info,I used to like dave allen>I always preferrred UK comedy.it has more wit than the american slapstick.

http://www.mamarocks.com/cow_wisdom.htm

...jokes by subject..catagorized:
http://humorvault.tripod.com/index.html

...jokes by subject..catagorized:
http://humorvault.tripod.com/index.html

my karma ran over my dogma