Bernice: thanks!

Vikings: perfect!! now that fits with the originals - lol - well done!

Vikings: Two Chickens in every Pot!!

DR. PHIL :
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.


OPRAH :
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH :
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL :
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY :
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE :
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN :
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART :
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS :
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY :
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL :
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA :
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS :
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON :
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE :
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES :
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN :
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON :
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE :
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS :
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY :
Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON :
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

COAN.NET :
I think we need a slimmed down version of the chicken. I’d like a plain chicken that doesn’t chat and that has a move button right below its tail so I don’t have to scroll down to look for it.

ANDERSP :
I paid for that chicken! Why is the chicken moving so slow? Why isn’t there an autopass for the chicken? How come the other chickens aren’t this slow? Is it a rattlebrained chicken troll?

CZUCH :
It’s ironic that the chicken has to cross the road when the connection should be just as fast on this side. Why do some chickens get to cross normally while others “have a bad day” and can’t cross at all? I tried to blog about my chicken but I couldn’t log into the secret site. At least no new chickens are able to read about my chickens speed issues.

AD :
Does the chicken have me on block? Why can’t all the chickens leave me alone?

PROUD2BAMERICAN :
Something serious has happened to my chicken and I don’t know what to do. Don’t cross your chickens on my road and I won’t cross mine on yours.

FENCER :
There is nothing wrong with the chicken. It has been crossing the road with no problem on this side. Ergo – the problem must be on the other side.

SCARLETROSE :
Come on chickens! Cross on over to the other side and bring your towel! I'm calling out to all the hardworking single hens and bring your little peeps too!

BERNICE :
“Certain chickens” crossed because they were told to go elsewhere – ROLF

Walter Montego:

pgt: well maybe there is - or maybe its just a good old pun - well deserving of the "groan"

pgt: + = porkchop!!!!

Eriisa: whoa - that was almost exactly a 1 month delayed groan! lol

Stardust: so why would the driver with no visual impairment force their not so blessed back seat passenger to use the braille system instead of being a good sport and doing the deed themselves?

Walter Montego: i cant even imagine how many people have intentions to reply to this topic.... i tried yesterday....

Dear Mrs. ...Redfrog,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us,
unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the
past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.

1. November 24: Took 24 boxes of chocolate and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. November 24: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off
at 5-minute intervals.

3. November 27: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
rest rooms.

4. November 27: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3" in housewares...and watched what happened.

5. December 7: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
lay-away.

6. December 7: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. December 10: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. December 13: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and
asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. December 16: Looked right into the security camera; used it as
a mirror, then kissed the lens.

10. December 16: While handling guns in the hunting department asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 17: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 19: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. December 19: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker he assumes
the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!

And; last, but not least!

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

The Usurper: a drunk bear?

lisa56: lololol SPLAT......

lisa56: oh now ive got to go try... be right back....

lisa56: i got 300 points first round.... poor daffy...

I am a senior citizen.

During the Clinton Administration I had a good job.

Since President Bush took office, I have watched my entire life change for the worse because of his policies.

I lost my job.

I lost my home.

I lost my health insurance.

I lost my two sons in that terrible War in Iraq.

As a matter of fact, I've lost virtually everything and become homeless.

Instead of getting some help, I only got arrested.

George W. Bush has to go!

We should do anything that Senators Kennedy, Clinton, and Kerry want to insure that a Democrat is back in the White House with the next election.



Sincerely,

Saddam Hussein

For all the Italians out there, or those who are lucky enough to be married to an Italian, or even to be friends of Italians.

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkled cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.....

"Back off!" she said, "They're for the funeral."