volant: LOL

nobleheart: I got to show that too my hubby lmao

nobleheart: OMG i almost chocked on my coffee.

ArtfulDodger: It sure does lol !!!!!!

ArtfulDodger: OMG whats funny is you look so cute.

 A guy walks into a bar and see's his buddy sitting there with a 12 inch lighter.
 " Hey, where did you get that" he asks.
 "You won't believe it, I was rubbing this beer glass and this genie pops out to grant me one wish"
 So the guy begs to try it himself.
He rubs the glass and sure enough....out pops the genie!
The genie grants him one wish.............
and as expected the guy wishes for " a million bucks".
After a few minutes the bar starts filling up with ducks.
The guy says " Wait a minute, I didn't ask for a million ducks".
His buddy replies " You think I asked for a 12 inch bic?"

yoyudax: Now that was cute.

ScarletRose: I wonder how long before it crashes again.Rather put my money here:)

ScarletRose: Now thats a joke.

ScarletRose: Your Welcome g/f anytime.

harley:

Rose: Oh wow just think.

Two little girls, pushing their doll buggies in the park, meet for the  first time.  Examining the other's doll buggy and baby, each exclaimed,  "Oh what a pretty baby and baby buggy you have.  Where did you get your  baby and what did it cost?"
"My Mommy got mine at a sale at a Super K  Mart store for $32.95"
"Oh that's great!  She's so  pretty."
"Well, thank you.  And where did you get your baby?   She's such a beautiful little doll."
"Mommy got mine at Wal Mart for  $32.04, the last one they had."
"Well she is certainly beautiful.   You must be very proud of her."
Just then a real mommy came by with her  firstborn.  Naturally the "Oh's" and "Ah's" started, and then ending  with the same question,
 "Where did you get your baby and how much did he  cost?"
"Well, I got my baby at the Sutter Maternity Hospital and it cost  about $5,000."
The two little girls were stunned.  The group  broke up, the real mommy walked on.  Finally one of the little girls  turned to the other and said,
"You know, I don't know what you think about  that deal, but if you ask me, she REALLY got  SCREWED!

LOL I thought that was cute.

<<Carnation Evaporated Milk  
When opening a can of Carnation evaporated milk for
>   your recipes just smile and think of this.
>
>   A little old lady from North Carolina had
>   worked in and around her family dairy farms since
>   she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work
>   and little compensation... and when canned Carnation
>   Milk became available in grocery stores, she read
>   an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best
>   slogan/rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of
>   all...." and she said, I know all about milk and dairy farms...
>   I can do this!
>
>   She sent in her entry, and about a week later, a
>   black limo drove up in front of her house... a man got out
>   and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much,
>   we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be
>   able to use it...."
>
>   Here is her entry:
>
>   Carnation milk is best of all,
>   no tits to pull, no hay to haul
>   no buckets to wash, no s*** to pitch,
>   just poke a hole in the s** OF A b****!
>
>
>
>
>

LMAO

While I was driving down the road the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed over a bridge only to see a cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know about, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
I'm a "Rectum Stretcher, "I responded.
The cop was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet." Then the cop asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot asshole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic ticket: $95.00
Court costs: $45.00

Look on cop's face ... Priceless

LMAO

The punch line is she one a Bagel......Winabago

OMG how cute.lol

Peel and Win :-))

A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel  and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts  screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!" The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch". But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!" Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize!" The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!" And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads..
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(ARE YA READY FOR THIS?? )
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"W I N A B A G O"   :-))