absolutely hillarious!!!! LOL

LOL dano very funny....great to have you back on BK :)

I want to thank everyone that has voiced thier opinion regarding the link submitted which has raised a few questions. If I get the chance I will go to the local library tomorrow and view it for myself.

LOL sweety I love those bad day situations...very funny :)

1. You think INSYNC is where your dirty dishes are.

2. You think a 401K is your mother-in-law's bra size.

3. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 miles per hour.

4. Someone tells you you have something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

5. You wear a tube top to a funeral home.

6. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

7. An episode of Walker Texas Ranger changed your life.

LOL baby.....yes but they just asking for advice on properties they are interested in hehehe....and i got you on speed dial on phone so you will never be witht a call :) I love you always my sweet Purple

I see some off-topic posts are appearing on the "Jokes" board here however I will allow them at this time.

And yes Steve I was strongly contemplating not coming on here any more for several reasons...however i see no reason to let a couple of ill-tempered fools with too much time on thier hands to run me off. BTW this continuous mention of Bill posting under my name has given me a tremendous laugh...and I am still waiting for the "Solid proof" of this.

Now enough of this....if these off-topic posts continue the individuas will be banned from this DB indeffinitely

LOL what a classic!!

here is one i couldnt stop laughing at....

A co-worker shared a story with me one day...he said...."My grandmother had passed away, she was 104 years old. So he went to the flower shop and bought some flowers and the clerk at the store asked what they were for. He relied..."My grandmother passed away, he was 104." The clerk said "Wow 104...how did she die?" he looked at the clerk and said "How did she die?!?!...she was 104...she wrecked her Harley down at Bike Week" LOL

It seems there is an individual out there who continues to have derranged illusions that they are receiving phone calls from me. LOL I have yet to be able to stop laughing at this one!!

I must say my dear Purple and I have gotten huge laughs at these rediculous accusations

Very interesting revelation danoschek!!

The description for my sign is eerily accurate (GULP) LOL

1. A man was walking through a store parking lot one day and noticed a man at his car with a coat hanger in the window. Without thinking the first man stopped and asked.. "Lock your keys in your car did ya?" Without missing a beat the other guy replied..."No I just washed it and now I am hanging it out to dry...HERE'S YOUR SIGN"

2. A lady was traveling with friends from Austin to Dallas. But when they arrived at the Dallas airport her luggage had been mislaced. She went to the lost luggage department to report the missing luggge. The lady behinounter said "May I help you?" and she replied "Yes my luggage is missing." The lady behind the counter then asked her..."Has your plane landed yet?" Frustrated the woman replied..."No I am having an out of body experience and just wanted to check on it."....HERE'S YOUR SIGN

3. A guy was driving home one day from work and got caught bhind an 18 wheeler that had become lodged underneath an overpass. As he and the trucker were standing by the rig talking and waiting on the tow truck a State Trooper arrived and asked the trucker..."Got your truck stuck did you? The trucker turned to the trooper and responded..."No, I was delivering this overpass and I ran out of gas."....HERE'S YOUR SIGN

4. A lady was stopped on the side of the road with her hood of her car up and smooke pouring from the motor. A man soon stopped and made sure she was all right...then...you guessed it....asked the ultimate DUH question...."Car broke down huh?...she then replied..."No, the car wanted a cigarette so i pulled over." HERE'S YOUR SIGN

1. Your wife hollers "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"

2. You have a house that's mobile and 15 cars that aren't.

3. The tires on your truck cost more than your truck.

4. Your working television is sitting on your non-working television.

5. You wear a dress that's strapless and a bra that isn't.

6. You have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.

7. You have been married 3 times and have the same in-laws.

I want to say that I am very much enjoying the terrific jokes being submitted here!!! Nothing like the healing power of laughter :)

the G.O.O.D. job one sounds way too familiar harley LOL

most all of the jokes we are getting are awesome...please remember to kepp them clean!!! this is a PUBLIC bord,....THANK YOU in adavance :)

      Idiot Awards Of 2003

Number One Idiot of 2003
"I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be
no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away. Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
Number Two Idiots of 2003
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run
Number Three Idiot of 2003 ( Recent Open Court student ) A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a
few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway. Number four Idiot of 2003
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking about)!
Number Five Idiot of 2003
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. This guy definitely needs a sign!
Idiot Number Six of 2003
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.
Idiot Number Seven of 2003
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign.
Idiot Number Eight of 2003
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available
for breakfast.. The man, frustrated, walked away. Sign please.
Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote

OH MY LOL

lol honey....your right just exactly 20 seconds :)

no i believe they answered saying who's there to your "knock knock".....we waiting for the rest

:) thank you honey that just tickled me so much had to get it on here :)

lol poor johnny

LOL

lol need i say more?

lol Aragon prolly cuz you set him up eh?

lol sure there is...watching all the people crawling out the door after getting smashed lol

lol hey wait a minute lol....i have been both blonde and brunette..(gulp) what does that make me lol

lol no kidding Andersp....but still very funny lol

oh dear me lol be careful what you wish for lol

These are all wonderful jokes...im laughing so hard i got tears in my eyes lol....i hope to see many many more...and i will be posting some soon..

Great job everyone :)

LMAO i love it.....keep it up!!

LOL I love that joke....talk about the power of suggestion lol

lol the sad thing is i understood that...(gulp)

loved it :)

hi there all....i am excited about this new DB! so bring on your favorite jokes and funny stories...but please try to keep it clean, this is accessable to jokesters of all ages :)

Kammy