Spare me your bee-jerks!
Do I smell a trump?

They named this board right, it's one big joke! Feh!

What goes '99, clunk -- 99, clunk -- 99, clunk'?

A centipede with a wooden leg :P

Rose: Both -- siCk & twEEsted

    incidently... MERRY CHRISTMAS

True, but then I didn't accuse you of a crime you didn't commit neither...


Too many scrooges around

(And now back to the Old and the Hopeless)

Yes, SIR, sir

      

Why ?

That rancid poncho gives 'em away every time :P

      "Spare me!"

... Oh? Was there a joke ?

event ?

He died - And he still 'don't get no respect!' :Þ

Well, that's the trouble idn't it ?
I don't believe anything Rodney says unless Rodney says it :P

She done really dug that one, ya knows who eyes mean, non-oddar den da high grandasaltum misteress, SISTER JASMINE NOXEMA-TAPIOCA an' her unscrutable companium, SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X' Sheik yo NAKKINS, MaMMiEs!


                ~ MS

Those posts are an exquizit demonstration of what can make a blue meanie smile (sorta)...

spell 'Water Cooler' ... make no mistake :Þ

But... How in Cadia Lilyton is that funny? I almost find it offensive, if not for the long ago understanding of brown shoed common folly ...

        [Road Closed 1 mile]

An amoeba is a term for someone who makes less than desirable retorts about someone behind their back and can't tell one paramecium from another :P

What precisely are you insinuating Skyking? I'm not an amoeba :b

That's just not funny :) Informative, perhaps, a fine idea, maybe, but as a joke, way off the mark.

Say, did ya hear about the guy who lost his left side? He's alright now!

Read what the REAL George Carlin has to say about notoriously false e-mails and posts going around on the Internet...

          "Don't Blame Me"

I guess that makes me not a Puggo nor a Deeli -- yay -- Viva La Perception ! :D

"My Dixie Wrecked" z:)

 (Best said aloud to oneself for full enhancement)

What do you call a Nudist Wedding?

  -- A Pubic Ceremony!

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number). After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" he yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some boy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot.
The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too. I dialed and someone said, "Hello?"
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1.
"Hello" "You're an asshole!" (but I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah?
Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black Beemer parked in front
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called asshole #2:
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello Asshole," I Said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew. Now, I feel better.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
...Author unknown

Nice one! :·)

There oughta be a law against bad jokes...

LOL! Good ones!

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Saddam is still alive", Saddam decided to send George W. a letter in his own writing to let him know that he is still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

                370HSSV-0773H

George W. couldn't figure it out so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell. Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the Secret Service ... the list got longer and longer. Eventually they asked Mossad in Israel for help. Cpt. Moshe Pippick took one look at it and replied: "Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down...