It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Wipe that smile off your face.

LOL Amen & amen.

lol. i get it unbeatable. so did the ladies...for almost 20 seconds.

Heres something I thought you may like. You'll be able to share this with your more conservative friends.

Ladies - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while
it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it
will absorb the excess salt for an instant
"fix-me-up."

Real Women - If you over-salt a dish while you are
cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me,
The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat
it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

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Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in
half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will
go away.

Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with
tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the
headache, but who cares?

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Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom
of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of
the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on
the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

**********************

Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an
apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Real Women - Buy boxed mashed potato mix and keep
it in the pantry for up to a year.

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Ladies - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the
baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead
and there won't be any white mess on the inside of
the cake.

Real Women - Go to the bakery - they'll
even decorate it for you.

***********************

Ladies - Brush some
beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to
yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Real Women - Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not
include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do
it.

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Ladies - If you have a problem opening jars, try
using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip
grip that makes opening jars easy.

Real Women - Go
ask the cute neighbor guy to do it.

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And finally the most important tip....

Ladies - Don't throw out all that leftover wine.
Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles
and sauces.

Real Women - Leftover wine??