xmas is soon:

Sarah1980: hehehe oh noooooo

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Okay says the lawyer, your turn.

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends emails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

And you thought blondes were dumb...

Sarah1980 LOL

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever
printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....

Please scroll down . .



















Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever.

December 14, 1972

My dearest darling John:

Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real
Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my
pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this
way.

My love always,
Agnes


December 15, 1972

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just
imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very
thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All my love,
Agnes


December 16, 1972

Dear John:

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I
don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are
just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.

All my love,
Agnes


December 17, 1972

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really,
they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough?
You are being too romantic.

Affectionately,
Agnes


December 18, 1972

Dearest John:

What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden
rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I
love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning
to get on my nerves.

All my love,
Agnes


December 19, 1972

Dear John:

When I opened the door today there were actually six geese
laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds
again, huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep
them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep
through the racket. Please stop.

Cordially,
Agnes


December 20, 1972

John:

What's with you and those silly birds? Seven swans a
swimming? What kind of joke is this? There's bird poop all
over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't
sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So
stop with the birds.

Sincerely,
Agnes


December 21, 1972

O.K. Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What the heck am I going to do
with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those
birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their
cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in
my own house. Just lay off me, smarty.

Agnes


December 22, 1972

Hey Doodoohead:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers
playing. And boy do they play. They've never stopped
chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning.
The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over
those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The
neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You'll get
yours!

Agnes


December 23, 1972

You rotten thing:

Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call
them ladies. They've been flirting with those pipers all
night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got
diarrhea. My living room is a river of poop. The
Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause
why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the
police on you!

Agnes


December 24, 1972

Listen ?#*!head:

What's with those eleven lords a leaping with those maids
and ladies? All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've
been trampled to death by the lords and ladies and pipers.
I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy,
Agnes


December 25, 1972

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers
drumming which you have seen fit to inflict on our client,
Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was
total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If
you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale
Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot
you on sight.

With this letter please find attached a warrant for your
arrest.

Cordially,
Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Chol

amandalove:

ScarletRose:

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York. "I hate to ruin your
day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.
Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call
your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck
they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She
calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting
divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a
thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?"

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay, they're
coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares .. Now what do we tell
them for Christmas?"

nobleheart:

The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street
(pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just
an athlete....she is now a nurse currently
working at the Intensive Care
Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not
permitted to answer the
hospital telephones. It caused too much confusion
when
she would answer the phone and say . .


Picabo, ICU.

Rose: wonder how much it costs to move to Mars?

There once was a girl from Madrass
Who had a magnificent ass
Not rounded and pink as you probably think
It was grey, had long ears and ate grass

There was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his gold in a bucket
His daughter named Nan ran off with a man
And as for the bucket, Nan tuck it

There once was a girl from St. Paul
Who went to a newspaper ball
Her dress caught on fire
And burned her entire front page, sports section and all