I was at a twelve step meeting tonight for the first time in a long time. Laziness was not the reason for my prolonged absence! But irregardless of the reason I was at the meeting and it closed with the Lord's/Disciples' prayer! Whenever I hear that prayer,because I don't hear it often, I'm reminded of how unforgiving I am.....even tonight as an EX Christian! Being an EX Christian doesn't allow me the right to be unforgiving or to forgive when not an ounce of energy is needed. Furthermore, I was amazed at how much stress it took to be forever unforgiving. I feel as if a load has been taken off of my shoulders by dropping all of the grudges as a result of multiple hurts leading up to 2002 and beyond.
"Forgive us our temptations....as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Reminds me of the marraige vow "To have and to cherish in sickness and health....But what happens when the sickness comes?...as in what happens when it takes energy to forgive? I quit religion for health reasons. But now that I see how brainwashed I was and how cultlike the religious experience was like at the end I am leery of going back into it too intensely and becoming brainwashed again. I am not against religion. I just have a personal fear of it.