A guy walks into a bar and see's his buddy sitting there with a 12 inch lighter.
 " Hey, where did you get that" he asks.
 "You won't believe it, I was rubbing this beer glass and this genie pops out to grant me one wish"
 So the guy begs to try it himself.
He rubs the glass and sure enough....out pops the genie!
The genie grants him one wish.............
and as expected the guy wishes for " a million bucks".
After a few minutes the bar starts filling up with ducks.
The guy says " Wait a minute, I didn't ask for a million ducks".
His buddy replies " You think I asked for a 12 inch bic?"

ArtfulDodger: Are you a grouch? LOL

yoyudax: so that's my problem lol!

nobleheart: lol, those were great ::)

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?" He replies, "To the kitchen." She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replies, "Sure."She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He says, "No, I can remember that." She then says, "Well I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that." He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replies, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down." With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."

nobleheart: Some excellent cartoons.

yoyudax: Now that was cute.

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.

Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."

"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did."

"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"

"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."

The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"

spicieangel:
canine cackles:
http://www.billzilla.org/DOGBLOW.jpg
http://www.grendoxdachshunds.com/weenie%20dog%20magnet.jpg
http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/swa0199l.jpg
http://www.forcounsel.com/products/8216.jpg
http://www.camplotsadogs.ca/images/joke-memo.gif
http://www.offthemarkcartoons.com/cartoons/1995-02-25.gif
http://www.craigmarloch.org.uk/images/jokes/lostpupy.jpg
http://www.rawmeatybones.com/readers_pics/DogLawyer.jpg
http://wired.st-and.ac.uk/~chris/humour/image/dog.jpg
http://marbella.to/humour/aug00/catsale.jpg

spicieangel:

Beren the 32nd: that was to funny rotflmbo

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 " thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund---but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all.

Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing,", said Bush. "We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."

ClayNashvilleTn: wooooooo hooooOOo! That was funny! ;) ok, I got a good one

but can't remember the punch line....darn it!

ClayNashvilleTn: Hold on while I pick myself up off the floor. I think I might have to try that last one if I ever get pulled over!!!! :D

ClayNashvilleTn: ROFLMAO

1) Good:
An Erie, PA policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't
getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we
used to just sell lemonade!)

2) Better:
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Pittsburgh, PA A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

3) Absolute Best:
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Pennsylvania State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball." He replied, "Pennsylvania State Troopers don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, turned, got back in his patrol car and left while she was so busy laughing she couldn't even start her car

ScarletRose: I heard that one already. My wife said those exact words when we were dating!

Now she says....hehehe can't say it here ;)

nobleheart: lol

nobleheart: ummmm ahhhhh that's naughty!!! hehehehehe

read this sentence out loud repeatedly.
1st time read the whole thing.
each consecuative time , read it out loud as per the last time you red it except for the last word:

oh! harry let's not park here.

pgt: LOL

rascal95035: How abour 11 seconds?

This was developed as an age test by an R&D department
at Harvard University Take your time and see if you
can read each line aloud without a mistake.
The average person over 40 years of age can't do it!
1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is person cat
9. This is busy cat
10.This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down .

ScarletRose:

YOU are a great one too Scarlet!!! ;)

playBunny: LOL oh that is a great one..

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. It was pay day and he wanted some fun. Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending freely until he was penniless.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. ..

But on Thursday, the swelling was down just enough so he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

nobleheart:

Yes I can.

nobleheart: aaaaaawwwwww how cute.. I think that last link there is so sweet..

but, I laughted my toosh off on that one microsoft word.. haha

A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the
head waiter one morning and read from the menu. "I'd like
one under-cooked egg so that it's runny, and one over-cooked
egg so that it's tough and hard to eat. I'd also like gril-
led bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, but-
ter straight from the freezer so that it's impossible to
spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee." "That's a
complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might
be quite difficult." The guest replied sarcastically, "It
can't be that difficult because that's exactly what you
brought me yesterday!"

ScarletRose: yuckers...
ya,but can you do this,I can
http://www.jambl.net/m/albert2.jpg
http://www.newhair.com/images/resources/mp-2002-scalplaxity/scalplaxity_fig03.jpg

http://onsitetechsnet.com/blog/media/1/20050402-Blonde-Joke.jpg
http://onsitetechsnet.com/blog/media/1/20050402-Bleached-Blonde-Joke.jpg
http://www.raylindstrom.com/files/MS_Word_for_Blondes_v1_0.jpg
http://www.c-wilkie.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jokes/pages/blonde.html
blonde pole dancer
http://www.c-wilkie.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jokes/pages/pole_dancer.html

ScarletRose: ok u asked for it,clean redneck jokes:

http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/redneck_gingerbread_house.jpg
redneck cat carrier
http://people.ucsc.edu/~goldnboi/Funny%20Pictures.htm
http://www.ajokes.com/jokes/3261.html
http://www.the-joke-box.com/pictures/960.png
http://www.sydes.net/jokes/pictures/r/redneck_snow_plough.jpg
http://www.sydes.net/jokes/pictures/r/redneck_body_work.jpg
http://www.medialunchbox.com/pics/horseshoes.jpg
redneck BBQ
http://www.extremetomfoolery.com/jokepics/446.jpg
--
ok,who do we pick on next(on in good fun)

JackS:
Yippee!!

JackS:
Yes Jacks...just keep reloading the page...nothing yet.

yoyudax: waiting for IYT I see

yoyudax: LOL!!!

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the
doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

BananaD: Ewwwwwwww *shiver bibbles at the thought*

ScarletRose: ewwwww....that is mega gross!!! It's just as bad as that woman who just made it in the guiness book of world records for being able to pop her eyes half way out of her socket and that's without any intervention!!! blahhhh

ScarletRose: I wonder how long before it crashes again.Rather put my money here:)

ScarletRose: Way toooooo funny!!!!!

Foxy Lady: hahaha.. I wonder how many peeps ran off.. or would have if it was during the busier time.. haha..

ScarletRose: Now thats a joke.

ScarletRose: Your Welcome g/f anytime.

ScarletRose: ROTFLMCBO!!

Okay.. on the count of 3.. watch online players..

1...

2....

3.....

IYT is back..!! it is up and running.. yee haw!!!

isn't it gross?? LOL

Thanks Foxy..

Now.. some of you who have been complaining due to the chit chat and laughter.. please understand.. that this board even states at the top..

"A place to share jokes, funny stories, and to just laugh in general :-)