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 Jokes

A place to share jokes, funny stories, and to just laugh in general :-)



Please remember this board can be (and is) accessed by children.
All jokes should be family friendly.
No profanity
No jokes of a sexual nature

KEEP IT PG rated

Thanks!



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28. Lokakuu 2004, 06:59:56
thepanda 
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar. She gestures alluringly to the
bartender. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his
face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to caress his beard. "Are you the
manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" the man replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to
him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her
forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers
into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender finally manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels
in the ladies room."

25. Lokakuu 2004, 03:41:03
thepanda 
Otsikko: Darwin Award nominee
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was
trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a
friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so
that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns'
clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns
"wrapped in the driveshaft."

15. Lokakuu 2004, 05:30:55
thepanda 
correct.

15. Lokakuu 2004, 04:33:24
thepanda 
Otsikko: puzzle
In one room there are 3 light switches, and in a completely seperate room (not visable from the first) are 3 light bulbs. You are in the room with the switches.

Your task to find out which switch turns on which light. (tehy are of course randomly wired)

You can leave the switch room and enter the light bulb room only once.

How do you work out which switch controls which light?

14. Lokakuu 2004, 02:42:50
thepanda 
Muokannut thepanda (29. Elokuu 2005, 22:38:05)
A piece of bacon, an egg, and a sausage are frying in the pan. The sausage turns to the piece of bacon and says:
"its getting hot in here."
The bacon turns to the egg and replies:
"Well s**** me, a talking sausage!"

12. Lokakuu 2004, 02:29:44
thepanda 
Otsikko: The pandas puzzles
There are 9 seemingly identical coins - but although they look identical one is a counterfeit. The false coin is lighter then the others. Using a balance arm scale ONLY TWICE can you determine which is the false coin?

24. Syyskuu 2004, 07:05:57
thepanda 
correct.

24. Syyskuu 2004, 04:22:02
thepanda 
Otsikko: puzzles
No credit cards or tow trucks not in this game. There is a battleship,boot, thimble and cannon as well as some other things.....

24. Syyskuu 2004, 00:40:59
thepanda 
Otsikko: Puzzles (pauloaguia)
Lake: more or less correct. Pour a known quantity of a measurable concentrated substance in. Measure results at later date.
Hotel: Keep on trying..(if he owned it he most definately would not have been bankrupt)

23. Syyskuu 2004, 04:33:59
thepanda 
dont waste the whiskey by mixing it. Take it neat and the lake will sort itself out :)

23. Syyskuu 2004, 04:12:41
thepanda 
spelling?!?!?!?!
'fid' is meant to be 'find'

23. Syyskuu 2004, 04:11:55
thepanda 
Otsikko: The panda's puzzles
The lake problem.
There is a large and irregularly shaped lake on your property. It is of varriable and unknown depth. There are no rivers or streams entering or leaving the lake. How would you fid the volume of water in the lake?

23. Syyskuu 2004, 00:47:48
thepanda 
Otsikko: the chief and lion/cliff
sorry guys, didnt mean to start such a debate. In truth i can see perfectly well what APolaris is saying, but since 'i am lying' can be taken to many different ways i'll have to stick with the original answer.

21. Syyskuu 2004, 05:42:12
thepanda 
The wording of the Q is if the statement is true then.....
It is possible to admit to lying, therefore making the 'i am lying' statement true, resulting in the long fall.

21. Syyskuu 2004, 05:37:29
thepanda 
not all paradoxical statements work. For example the i am lying statement.
If the Chief believed she was lying then she would be thrown over the cliff. If the Chief believed that she was telling the truth, then off to the lions with her.

21. Syyskuu 2004, 03:55:31
thepanda 
Otsikko: pandas puzzles
broken down. A man pushing his car stopped outside a motel. The instant he got there he knew he was bankrupt. Whats going on?

21. Syyskuu 2004, 03:53:47
thepanda 
Otsikko: skipinnz
correct.

21. Syyskuu 2004, 03:03:21
thepanda 
Yes.

21. Syyskuu 2004, 02:31:59
thepanda 
Otsikko: Pandas puzzles
An explorer was captured by a tribe whose Chief decided that the woman should die. The Chief was a very logical man and gave the explorer a choice. The explorer had to make a single statement. If the statement was true she would be thrown over a high cliff, if it were false she was to be eaten by lions.
What statement did the explorer make that forced the Chief to let her go?

21. Syyskuu 2004, 02:21:02
thepanda 
the vowels. 'a' in glass, 'e' in jet etc

21. Syyskuu 2004, 00:47:57
thepanda 
Otsikko: The pandas puzles
The day before yesterday i was 17. Next year i will be 20. How is this possible?

21. Syyskuu 2004, 00:45:37
thepanda 
Otsikko: harley
correct.

20. Syyskuu 2004, 07:57:51
thepanda 
Otsikko: The Pandas Puzzles
Through the window.
A woman stands looking through the window on the 6th floor of an office building. Suddenly, overcome by an impulse, the woman opened the window and leapt though it. It was a sheer drop outside the building to the ground. She did not use a parachute or land in water, or any special soft surface. Yet the woman was completely unhurt when she landed. How could this be so?

20. Syyskuu 2004, 07:52:33
thepanda 
Otsikko: rebelyell
correct.

20. Syyskuu 2004, 06:09:30
thepanda 
Otsikko: pandas puzzles
no. It goes to the top. (he catches it from there in the morn)

20. Syyskuu 2004, 05:32:59
thepanda 
Otsikko: The Panda's Puzzles
Lets start off with one considered to be a classic puzzle:
The man in the elevator. A man lives on the tenth floor of his building. Everyday he catches the elevator down to the ground floor and goes to work. On the way home he always takes the elevator to the seventh floor and walks the remaining flights of stairs to his apartment on the tenth. Why does he do this?

16. Syyskuu 2004, 05:20:05
thepanda 
There are three type of people in this world, those who can count and those who cant

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