harley: can he get him to weed the garden, wash the dishes and take out the trash too? : )

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."

12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.




How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?

The Cat's Answer:

Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

harley:

Loved these!!!

no, it's a typical day in my life...I would say sorry, but probably wouldn't mean it : )

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?
Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that
they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle,
actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that
they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE
THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE
HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did you ask me?

LOL!!!! That made our day- even my husband is still laughing : ) I had to share with him...he thinks like the owner : )

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."


A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up reads "low bridge ahead."
Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car, walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips, and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."


A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

Three men are in a bar, one from New York City, one from Boston and the other from Texas. The man from Texas asks for a bottle of Tequila, downs two shots and throws the bottle up in the air and shoots it. He says, 'Where I come from in Texas, we got alot of tequila." The man from New York oders a bottle of the finest wine, downs a glass, throws the bottle up in the air and shoots it and says, "In New York, we got alot of good wine". The Boston man looks at them both quietly a moment and then orders a bottle of bourbon. He drinks a shot, takes out his gun and shoots the man from New York, looks over at the Texan and says, "Where I come from, we got alot of New Yorkers and we don't waste good whiskey!"

LOL...I thought it was Boudreaux and Tibdeaux ; )
speaking of I-10, my husband and I were traveling down highway 90 late one night and were pulled over for speeding, when they officer told him he clocked him at 90 in a 65mph zone, knowing he was going to get the ticket anyways he told the officer"Well, all the signs say 90!!!" And the policeman looks at him and smirked and said.."Right, smart guy, and I suppose you go 10 miles per hour down I-10"...he just looked at him, grinned and said "You mean that's an "I"???? We got the ticket....... I have total respect for the law, but some of those Texas Rangers just don't have a sense of humor ; )

thanks- since that was well received..I'll post one more : )


BEER STUDY
Harvard medical scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a serious
look at their beer consumption. Their theory is that beer contains female hormones and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were given 8 pints of beer each to consume within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test X-Scanned:
1.) gained weight,
2.) talked excessively without making sense,
3.) became overly emotional,
4.) couldn't drive,
5.) failed to think rationally,
6.) argued over nothing,
7.) had to sit down while urinating, and
8.) refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
No further testing was considered necessary.