So how many liberal stand ups could do their comedy completely clean and still make it?

As a Comedian...

Michael Joiner is funny. Very funny.1st Place winner of the Hollywood Improv's "FUNNIEST COMIC IN L.A." 2008, and 2010 Christian Music Hall of Fame "COMEDIAN OF THE YEAR" nominee, Joiner has attracted wide praise for his routines that blend a sarcastic edginess with a devotion to clean humor. Joiner has headlined at The LA AREA Improvs, The Funny Bone, The Ice House and other comedy clubs across the country while also performing at colleges and sold out Clean Comedy Concerts nationwide. He's also written for "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno."

Michael has been performing nationwide for over 18 years and is rated one of the nation's funniest Clean Stand up Comedians. The TV Guide Network calls Michael "One of the funniest, most original, stand up Comedians working today!"



In 2006, Michael was one out of only four Comedians chosen worldwide to star in the top selling DVD, "The Clean Stand Up Comedy Tour."



Michael has also starred in the Hit Comedy TV show "Bananas," as well as The Gospel Music Channel"s "Stand up for Clean Comedy."



Michael currently writes for many stand up comedians, as well as his 13-year-old comedian son, Dustin Joiner, who has appeared on "America's Most Talented Kids," as well as major comedy clubs, like "The Hollywood Improv," and New York City's "The Laugh Factory."



Unlike most Comedians who stick to their rehearsed script,Michael's stand up comedy show includes some of the most clever, hilarious improv and audience interaction you will ever experience.



As an Actor...

Michael lived and worked in Los Angeles for several years where he private coached with John Swanbeck (Kevin Spacey's acting coach), and studied with some of Hollywood's "A" list acting teachers who instilled in Michael a solid preparation and reading technique that have made Michael"s performances impressively real. Michael also worked in many national TV commercials, as well as starring in several movie and TV projects.



Michael's most impressive credit to date has him playing the lead role opposite Oscar winner Louis Gosset, Jr. In SONY/PROVIDENT's powerful new drama, "The Grace Card," released in theaters 2/25/11 (www.thegracecardmovie.com) where Michael is receiving rave reviews from critics like The Hollywood Reporter who said, "Actor-comedian Michael Joiner delivers a POWERFULLY INTENSE PERFORMANCE as 'Mac' MacDonald in The Grace Card!"

Col, you can have your slipper back now.

Kerri Pomarolli
And no foul language! (most liberal comics can't tell a joke without an f bomb here or there)
No dirty suggestive sexual remarks (a hallmark of the libs)
Just good clean extremely funny comedy!

Famous World Ideologies, as explained by references to Cows
25/08/2010


Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.
Bureaucratic Socialism: Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
Real World Communism: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most “ability” and who has the most “need”. Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.


Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the “free” market.
Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Militarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Pure Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Capitalism: You don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don’t have any cows to put up as collateral.
Enviromentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently – aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Source: Alien Times

The Col:

The Col: Artful Dodger show this user posts | show thread | linkSubject: Re: laughatliberals
The Col: http://www.timhawkins.net

The Col: Leno wasn't my example.

27. August 2011, 12:38:49The Col (hide)all posts | show thread | link- cloak mode (?) -
Subject: Re: laughatliberals
Artful Dodger: Mine, and everyone elses apparently.Can you name a successful right wing comic? and if you mention Dennis Miller, his career has tanked in the stand up forum
Reply (box)

**I name several here. That was you ONLY requirement. I said they made their living at comedy. Period.

Later you said "funny is funny." That must only apply to liberal funny in your book?

The Col: cue card reader? You have him mixed up with your hero obama.

Now Stewart reads a monitor.

And you tried to claim that no one listens to conservative standups. You were proven wrong. Not once, but over a dozen time. But yet you keep coming back for more.

That I see the conservatives on HERE playing the race card whenever anybody disagrees with them.

Another way of saying this that that every time someone disagrees with a conservative, the conservative plays the race card.

Since the liberals on here almost ALWAYS disagree with conservative points of view, then what Jules is saying is that in ALL THESE CASES, the race card is played.

That of course is a patently false statement.

I see a little green dot. I knew ya couldn't prove it!

(V): Prove it. show us where that has happened. Bet ya can't.

rod03801: exactly

(V): When you address any issues or themes from my posts, even though you don't respond to me directly, you're still responding to me.

It's only a thinly veiled attempt at ignoring me but it's far to obvious.

The Col: You also doubted that any conservative comics were making a living at stand up. You were proven wrong on that point.

And money is NOT an indicator of who is best. It may be an indicator of who is best known, or who has the best manager.

Next we'll be rating our sports figures according to their income and not their stats.

Republican = Party

Conservative = principles and philosophy

Oh the joys of socialized medicine. In a move that the nurses union no doubt considers a breakthrough in modern medical treatment, NHS nurses are wearing 'Do Not Disturb' signs.

The UK Daily Mail reports that after a successful trial at Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother Hospital in Margate, Kent, a NHS pilot program to have nurses wear bright red tabards with 'DO NOT DISTURB. DRUG ROUND IN PROGRESS' in bold white letters on the front will be implemented in hospitals across the nation.

In a victory for both organized labor and the NHS, nurses can now fully concentrate on one simple task and refuse to address other concerns of their patients. "What we do when interrupted is simply turn around to face the patient and point to the words," proclaimed one of the NHS angels of mercy. Improvements will undoubtedly be made as the system is refined, perhaps the NHS could put the 'Do Not Disturb' warning on the back of the tabards which would save the nurses from having to turn around and face the patient.

Patients have been meekly submitting to the new prohibition, rather than risk the wrath of the nurses. Move over Florence Nightingale, Nurse Ratched is on her rounds and she's looking really angry.

The Col: Oh, and Chris Rock is the funniest stand up in the world. Just so you know.

(V): The col ask for just ONE names. He's been given that and more.

To be a Republican is to belong to the right wing. Liberal is left. That's how it's defined in the US. You know that and if you don't, you should. Yes, some are moderates and there are conservative libs and liberal repubs (we call them RINOs).

You leftys are all the same. Get an honest answer to your question and then pick the answer apart becauser you don't like the fact that it proves you wrong.

And it doesn't matter if Mel Gibson is a "nutter" because that probably describes more than 80% of the liberal comedians in the world.

Vikings:

another thing that occured to me is that the Col is using the "a lot of other people think so too" argument that his comedian is "the best."

But when I used that same argument that "a lot of other people think" that Fox News is "the best" that same logic was poo pooed. hmmmmm Keep in mind that Fox news beats the tar out of the other networks hands down.

So for the Col, if your a liberal, and a lot of people think your this or that (as long as they are libs) then you must be what they say - but if conservatives say so about their guy, um, not so much.

The Col: You're and many others. That means little. It's just as likey that a person could hold the opposite opinion and argue with you that he's the worst at stand up and then say that that opinion is shared by "many others."

So what.

The Col: Still that's just opinion. It's like trying to say who is the best guitar player. Depends on whom you ask.

The Col: Opinion or fact?

Opinion. It's all in your preferences.

The Col: Clever talking point but of course, it's not true.

The Col: You've probably never heard of him but he's funny.
http://www.jeffallencomedy.com/funnyclips.html

And this guys routine of skiing is very funny. http://www.kendavis.com/

There are TONS more of guys like this making a living out of making people laugh.

That you've never heard of them (likely) is meaningless to my point. You arrogantly challenged me to name one right wing comedian and now you have three names. But that likely won't be good enough.

However, as most clear thinking people know, if these guys were liberals, guys like you would be all over them with laughter and recommendations.

One other thing, many (if not most) left wing standup contains tons of filthy words. My examples are of guys that don't use that profanity. That's because they are REALLY funny and don't need a filthy mouth to make an audience laugh. Just like Old Red.

The Col: And they don't have to be well known to YOU to be well known to others. It's the same way in music. If you're well known in your circle, that's good enough. There are plenty of people who likely never heard of Leno or Letterman and clearly Stewart is in that category. And that woud prove???

The Col: Not so. I simply said that there are plenty of right wing comedians earling a living off telling jokes/stories. YOu said name one, I did. Now you wanna raise the bar?

The Col: I'm still failing to see a pertinent point in all of this.

The Col: If you bought a ticket you'd have your caricature of Beck challenged and you'd have to change your view. Not that you'd agree with him. But your caricature of him would be ruined!

The Col: You asked for one. I said there are plenty of right wing comedians making a living off their comedy. You said, "name one" and I did. So now you're unhappy about that? Wanna another?

(V): That must explain why Glen Beck is so successful. A conservative knows when he/she is making an impact by the number of times they are belittled by the leftists. You keep bringing Beck up (you're obsessed with him) and that alone is proof of his impact. And liberal thinkers like you can't stand it.

The Col: He'd be completely noticed in the right circles. He's not the only right leaning comedian that makes his/her living telling jokes/stories etc. Just like you have lots of liberals out there making a living as comedians, you have conservatives as well. And for every Jay Leno, there are a few thousand others that didn't make it. Not every lib makes it.

And as we all know, in show business, even if you have leanings to the right, you keep them to yourself or you're shooting yourself in the carreer foot. Letterman bleeds liberalism. Stewart not so much.

The Col: http://www.timhawkins.net

While Michele Bachmann founded the Tea Party Caucus in the House of Representatives before she even decided to run for president, Texas Governor Rick Perry, her 2012 rival, is reportedly more popular among Tea Partiers, garnering double the support in a recent Gallup poll.

The poll, released Friday, shows Perry with 35 percent of Tea Party supporters while Bachmann trails considerably at 14 percent.

According to Gallup, 38 percent of Republicans most concerned with social issues favor Perry, despite Bachmann’s long track record of social conservatism. Perry also curried favor among voters who think government spending and power is the most important issue facing the country.

Iamon lyme: ewwwww~! Worse than waterboarding.

The Col: define success. There are plenty of right-wing comics making a living with comedy. But who cares? There are so many possible factors (like the fact that the John Stewart show has a policy against scheduling conservatives-with only some exceptions to that). Didn't you read that memo from the shows exec? Guess not.

But again, who cares? In the big picture, it's a meaningless thing (except to perhaps say that those in power and control prefer liberal jokesters because they themselves are libs.)

Pretty much like college campuses. Lots of liberal profs, few conservatives. Why? Colleges love diversity of opinion.

Iamon lyme:

I made fart pancakes for the grandkids this morning. they both said my pancakes stunk!

I'll bet my pancakes would be banned in afganistan.

Iamon lyme: We need to concentrate on this fart ban. This is serious stuff. Next they will ban camel farts!

Report: Marines Banned from Farting in Afghanistan

Marines in Afghanistan have reportedly been told not to pass gas around Afghans to avoid offending the indigenous population.

That’s right, now any leatherneck who lets one rip on patrol with Afghans nearby could receive a a talk from his superior officer.

The new flatulence restriction was first picked up by the Military Times, and has since become fodder for online discussion ranging from the curious to the ridiculous.

A few military bloggers have taken it seriously and found the ban to be indicative of a trend among military brass of bending over backwards to avoid offending the locals.

Others have pointed out that a culture that has allowed stoning, various forms of execution, and amputations as penalties for criminal offenses should be able to withstand a little passed gas.

The new regulation is not covered in the Uniform Code of Military Justice, and the military has not even confirmed it exists.

For now, the “fart ban” appears to be simply a guideline for good manners while Marines are out on patrol.

We’ll let you know if the Blaze catches wind of any developments


I for one fart in their direction!

MSNBC Parent Company Comcast Among Most Generous Donors to Obama Victory Fund

The Col: Or maybe the jokes are above your pay grade?

The left exposed: http://www.laughatliberals.com/

THREE THINGS TO PONDER

1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.



THE CONSTITUTION

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post “Thou Shalt Not Steal,” “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,” and “Thou Shall Not Lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

(V):

on a brighter note, Al Gore equates being a global warming denier as the moral equivalent of a Bull Connor racist.

(V): Here we go again.....

The Col: That's a quote by that moron Grayson. He's an idiot. He probably had that group in mind too.

(V): ""The Republican Party of Angry White Millionaires will Rule America After the November elections along with their Nazi/Tea Party Storm Troopers. The Republicans will Repeal Healthcare Reform. The Republicans will allow Insurance Companies to Decide who Lives and who Dies. The Insurance Companies will decide how much increase Premiums and Profits Every Year. The Republican have a Healthcare Plan for All Americans who are not Rich.The Republican Plan is: Do Not Get Sick. If you get Sick Die Fast or the Health Insurance Companies will Bankrupt you Hard Working Americans and then will let you Die.""


That guy is a moron and he was voted out of office. He's a pathetic intellectual midget. Interesting that you think him worthy of a quote.

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_lph7llUyDH1qeetvto1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1314476393&Signature=KK5UjMCSyNG8slIEGpOixfcJJws%3D



SO TRUE!!!