Dieting Rules



1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no
calories.

2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the
candy bar are canceled by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you
don't eat more than they do.

4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count.
ex. hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the
entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
ex. milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints and Tootsie Rolls

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie
causes calorie leakage.

8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not
strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie
counter.

9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives
and spoons have no calories.
ex. peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon

10. Food of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are
spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.
Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.


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Diet Which Helps You Cope With Stress



This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during
the day.

Breakfast:
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

Lunch:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
l cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

Mid-Afternoon snack:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

Dinner:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

Late Evening News:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

Remember: Stressed Spelled Backwards Is Desserts.