During a Christmas shutdown of operations at The Volvo Chesapeake, Virginia bus plant, trained police dogs were hired to protect the buildings from vandalism. A Swedish engineer, who was unaware of the new K9 regime arrived at the plant early about 2 hrs before the plant was to start up.

As he was walking down the corridor to his office, he came face to face with one of the dogs, accompanied by his trainer.

The dog reacted to the presence of the stranger by baring his teeth and uttering a menacing growl. The executive froze to the spot. The trainer shouted in an authoritative tone the command: "Sit!"

The unnerved executive promptly sat down on the floor.

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife.
The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift.
"How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly.
"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.
Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle
Bells! ..."
The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night. Holy Night..."

The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.
"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?"
"No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle
Bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot,
and out came: "Silent Night. Holy Night..."

The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if
we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know.
"Let's try it." He answered, eager to please his wife.
So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face,
cleared his throat, the little parrot sang out loudly (like it
was the performance of his life):
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."

ha ha ha ha Some good ones there Nirvana!!!

How Come
...


It's not the falling that hurts... it's the hitting the ground!
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went
nuts!
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that
considered a hostage situation?
Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges did not live there.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone.
I said, "The whole time."
So what's the speed of dark?
you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been
dis-ing them anyhow?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the
water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are
furious!
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special
Olympics?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
The other day I went to a tourist information booth and said:
"Tell me about some of the tourists who were here last year."
All trees are male, yup they’re all hard and woody.
Oh yes, math is REAL interesting. What's so interesting about x? Why is it
x you always x you have to find? Why find a letter? Can't we find a
number for once? "Find the letter value of 13" instead of "Find the number
value of x."
PE is fun. No really! It’s fun getting pushed, shoved, beat up, scraped.
Well, nobody’s perfect.
I’m great in English. Gee I can't even spell FUTUR! Futcher. Fucher.
Futer. Hell, after now. (for the idiots who really don't know it’s
future)
The purpose of beds are not to sleep on. No it’s to cram all the stuff you
can under them. Sleeping on them is only a coincidence.
If people truly believe in God, why don’t they believe "the way God made us"
is nude?
What's the point of parents? All they ever do is yell at you and hit you
and scream that it’s not right to light the cat on fire?
Yup, teachers are cruel that way. But you shouldn’t hit, tug, kick, bite,
tap, or throw spit-balls at the teachers. Do it to the person in front of
you.
What’s the point of teachers if they know less than you?
Cows should be the cleanest animals on earth. Well, soap does come from
them.
Man invented the wheel after many unsuccessful tries with a pizza.
Only the idiot likes school.
Sure science if fun. What's so fun about rocks again?
The way I live: stay up till midnight, sleep until noon.
Test: Stress maker
Stress: can kill you.
Tests can kill you
The best way to see a shark: swim out to ocean and cut yourself.
The best way to get attacked by a shark: swim out to ocean and cut yourself.
The best way to tease a shark: go on to a dock, cut yourself, and bleed into
the water.
Never hand catch a piranha!
How was I supposed to know gasoline didn’t put out fires?
The only person you can complain to, that cares, is yourself.
Now, did a car run over your cat or did a cat run under your car?
Oh, well same thing.
Would it be ununderstandable, or derstandable? I think it would be
derstandable, don’t you?
Never sneak up behind a female Mountain Lion and her cubs while they are
sleeping, and yell as loud as you can "BOO!!!!!!" Poor, poor Ryan, if only
he’d known.
If it’s snowing out, don’t strip, then go outside.
"Make it a great day or not, the choice is yours." said the P.A. system. I
grabed a desk and hurled it at the speaker, yelling wildly. You see I’ve
had to live with these for the past few months. I just, just lost it.
A conscious bear is not a toy.
"If you put a microphone to your ear you can hear yourself hear," said the
babbling idiot.
Tell someone your cats a small dog and get them to bathe it for you.
If your a dog and you hear someone say they are good with animals and he
goes to pet you, I think a good joke, is to bite him.
Weekends are bad. Why? Well they always turn into Mondays!

:) I have an office space there too.

Since I am not very good at keeping my wife happy, I hang out in the corner of my house top (my office) a lot. :)

Proverbs 21:19
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

KJV For the men with a camping spirit ;)

To quote the bible: "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house". Proverbs 21:9

That kinda matches my saying: Happy Wife, Happy Life!

absolutely hillarious!!!! LOL

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained posession.

The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly.

The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"

The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was this guy who bought an elderly circus elephant; I don't know why. Alas, he couldn't afford to feed it. He'd never seen an elephant jump with all 4 feet off the ground. So he started a contest: entry was $10, and the first person to get the elephant to jump with all 4 feet off the ground would get $50,000.

All sorts of people tried, but nobody could get the elephant to jump. Finally, this little guy arrives in a limousine. He's carrying a baseball bat. He walks up to the elephant, swings the bat, right on the elephants foot. Needless to say, the elephant jumps, and the owner pays out the $50,000.

Unfortunately, the owner had barely collected enough to cover the prize, so he ran another contest. He'd never seen an elephant swing its head back and forth as if to say, "no."

Same deal as before: $10 per entry, $50,000 prize. Lots of people try and fail.

Then the little guy shows up in his limousine again, pulls out his bat, and walks up to the elephant. He says, "Remember me?"

The elephant nods yes.

The man says holds up his bat and says, "Want me to use this again?"

The elephant nods his head rather emphatically no....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:

The French book - 1000 ways to cook Elephant
The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture
or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants
The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants.

The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the British Empire."
The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal Account."
The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."
The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the Perfect Tax Shelter for the 90s"
Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than People"
The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of the Soviet Elephant"
And submited a poem "The Joy and Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."
But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"

A man was standing in the middle of a road with a box of elephant powder in his hands. He was spreading it all over the road when a policeman walked up to him.

POLICEMAN: What are you doing?

MAN: Spreading elephant powder around.

POLICEMAN: There are no elephants round here!

MAN: Well, it must be good stuff then!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day in the jungle there was a football match between the elephants and the insects. By half-time the elephants were winning 39-0.

Then in the second half a centipede came on - he was a brilliant player. By the end of the match the score was 46-39 to the insects.

As they were leaving the field the captain of the elephants said,

'What puzzles me is, why didn't you play that centipede in the first half?' 'We would have', said the captain of the insects.

"The only trouble is, it takes him an hour to get his boots on...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once there was a man leading an elephant. A lady said to him:

'Where are you going with that elephant?'

The man said, I'm taking him to the zoo'.

The next day the lady saw the man still leading the elephant.

'I thought you took him to the zoor, she said.

'I did take him - today I'm taking him to the cinema.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lion was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing.

The lion roared, *Who is the king of the jungle?' and the deer replied,'Oh, you are, master.'

The lion walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The lion roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?' and the zebra replied, 'Oh, you are, master.'

The lion walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant 'Who is the king of the jungle?' he roared.

With that the elephant threw the lion across a tree and jumped on him. The lion scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Okay, okay, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you hear about the man who saw a gardener pushing a wheelbarrow full of elephant manure?

'What are you going to do with that?', he asked.

'Put it on my gooseberries', the gardener said. 'Oh,' said the man, 'I usually put custard on mine.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you hear about the man who took an elephant to the cinema?

The manager expected it to go on the rampage, but it didn't. Afterwards he said to the man, I am really surprised; your elephant was very quiet and actually seemed to enjoy the film.'

'Yes,' said the man, 'I was surprised, too: he hadn't enjoyed the book.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A party trekking along a jungle path found their way blocked by an elephant who was sitting down and would not move.

They cut a path around him, but a little later there was another elephant sitting down, and another path had to be cut.

The party leader protested: 'I don't think it's funny to find elephants in our way.'

'And we,' replied the elephant, 'don't think it's funny to be disturbed when we are playing book-ends!'


A man was standing at the customs office with a large crate. 'Anything to declare? Jewellery?

Alcohol? Livestock, etc?' 'Nothing', replied the man.

They opened the crate, and there was an elephant with two slices of bread, one in each ear!

'I thought you said no livestock!' said the customs officer.

The man looked at him with an honest expression and replied: What's it to you what I have in my sandwiches?!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A small girl visits the zoo for the first time. Afterwards, she says to her mother,
'I saw the elephants.

What do you think they were doing?

Picking up peanuts with their vacuum cleaners.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twenty elephants were standing in single file, all facing the same way.

How many of them could say, My trunk is touching another elephant's tail?'

None: elephants can't speak!

just minus the grey

Who managed to get a pic of my twin??? lol

lol too funny :)

Relationship Guide

For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties:

You make the bed..+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pllows..0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..-1
You leave the toilet seat up..-5
You leave the toilet lid down..-10 after the lights are out..-30
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..+5
But return with beer ..-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night ...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something..+5
You pummel it with a six iron..+10
It's her father..-10

Social Engagements:

You stay by her side the entire party..0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy..-2
Named Tiffany..-4
Tiffany is a dancer..-6
Tiffany has implants..-8

Her Birthday:

You take her out to dinner..0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
Okay, it is a sports bar..-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..-10

A Night Out With The Boys:

Go out with a pal ..-5
And the pal is happily married ..-4
Or frighteningly single ..-7
And he drives a Mustang..-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ..-15

A Night Out:

You take her to a movie..+2
You take her to a movie she likes..+4
You take her to a movie you hate..+6
You take her to a movie you like..-2
It's called DeathCop 3..-3
Which features cyborgs having sex..-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans .........-15

Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable potbelly..-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..-30
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"...-800

The Big Question:

She asks, "Do I look fat?" ..-5
You hesitate in responding..-10
You reply, "Where?"..-35

Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression ..0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..-20

LOL dano very funny....great to have you back on BK :)

'

'
is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of
hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.

"What the hell do you think you're doing ?"

"I'm a chiropractor,
and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."

"Well, I'm a lawyer,
but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you ?"

I want to thank everyone that has voiced thier opinion regarding the link submitted which has raised a few questions. If I get the chance I will go to the local library tomorrow and view it for myself.

Let's see if Princess gets any more complaints.

If you can't see it try going to a friends with a PC, or a library where they have them too.
Then you can decide if you want to put it back.
Then I will let my wife check it out. May not be so bad with a warning.

No heart attack here...just wet my pants!!

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy Mackerel! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today: it's
already tomorrow in Australia.

A Christian farmer spent the day in the city.

In a restaurant for his meal, he sat near a group of young men. After he bowed his head to give thanks for his food, one of the young men thought he would embarrass the old gentleman.

"Hey, farmer, does everyone do that out where you live?"

The old man calmly replied, "No, son, the pigs don't!"

no, nothing that needs deleted - it's pretty cool. (Yea, shocked the heck out of me also!)

Wow..that bad? Should we delete it? Kam would like opinions since she can't see it either. It must be something!!

Where To Place Prospective Job Applicants



Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a
room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours,
without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they
are doing.

If they have taken the table apart,
put them in Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray,
assign them to Finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking out loud,
send them to Consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs,
Personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut,
Computer Information Systems is their niche.

If the room has a sweaty odor,
perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk.

If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs,
put them into Purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests,
Public Relations would suit them well.

If they are sleeping,
they are Management material.

If they are writing up the experience,
send them to the Technical Documents team.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room,
assign them to Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks,
send them to Marketing.

Having seen it I can say I agree with whoever it was about the heart attacks!

We still can't see it but it must be OK. One guy wrote he was afraid it would cause heart attacks. Don't want any of those. :)

:)

Very funny, Luis!

The link is a white screen on my webtv Luis. Maybe people with a pc can pull it up. There seems to have been an objection but we can't figure out what it's about.

LOL sweety I love those bad day situations...very funny :)

Little Birds

Do you know someone who seems to know everything?

When asked why, they say, "A little birdie told me."



Did you know they probably aren't lying? It is a little known fact that there are little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere. - Thus, these creatures are called "Flies Unseen Everywhere" or FUE for short. These birds have an extensive communications network, and they can generally find out anything from anywhere quite quickly.

Some of these birds befriend certain individuals and communicate with them by making clucking sounds, much like a chicken.



They are not dumb like chickens, however, and can establish a sort of clucking language with the lucky person they befriend.

This person is then the one who is always in the know; one step ahead of the competition. And those people who seem to be in the dark? Those who just don't get it? Those who's standard response to any given question is, "Huh?"

Why I think it should be pretty obvious to all, now, that the reason is simply because they don't have a clucking FUE.

Unusual order

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall:

$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!

When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!

The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, -

"You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Waiter, waiter! There's a dead spider in my soup.
Yes, ma'am, they can't stand the boiling water.



Waiter, waiter! There's a spider in my soup. Send for the manager! It's no good, sir, he's frightened of them, too.



Waiter, waiter! What's this creepy crawly thing doing in my dinner?
Oh, that one ? he comes here every night.



Why do waiters prefer elephants to flies?
Have you ever heard anyone complaining of a elephant in their soup? .



What will a monster eat in a restaurant?
The waiter.



Waiter, waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup?
The butterfly stroke by the look of it sir.



Waiter, waiter, there's a bird in my soup.
That's all right, sir. It's bird'nest soup.

 Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels.
The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
You get to work and find a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.
Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
You realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant.
You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor is putting crazy glue in your Preparation H.
You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
You start to put up the clothes you wore home from the party last night....... and there aren't any.
It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
You wake up to the soothing sound of running water...and remember that you just bought a waterbed.
Your car payment, house payment, and girlfriend are three months overdue.
Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/ex-husband.
Your income tax refund check bounces.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any.
You need one bathroom scale for each foot.
You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.
The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes...and no one has touched it.
Nothing you own is actually paid for.
You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your new spouse.
You receive a 150 page instruction booklet on how to save money...from the electric company.
Airline food starts to taste good.
Your mother approves of the person you are dating.
Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.
You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD.
You realize that you have memorized the back of your cereal box.
Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your dresser drawer.
Everyone loves your driver's license picture.
You realize that the phone number on the bathroom wall of the bar is yours.
Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
You look out the window of the airplane and the B.F. Goodrich Blimp is gaining on you.
The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
People think you are 40...and you really are.
You are pigging out at McDonald's by yourself and the manager orders the numbers on the sign outside changed.
Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was terrific." and you remember that you were home by yourself.
Everyone is laughing but you.

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions
while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and
then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten
and buns in packages of eight. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines
with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called
rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on
airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck
together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

I was just joking AD..they are all funny!!

The orthopedic surgeon Jane worked for was moving to a new office, and she was helping transport many of the items. She sat the display skeleton in the front of her car, with his bony arm across the back of her seat.

Jane hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside her became obvious, so she looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office."

The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you this lady, but I think it's too late!"

hmmmmmmmm

no

:) but it was funny, no? ;)

LOL@AD

You best duck and run for cover!!

This list has come across my path... I don't know of it's
accuracy, but it sure has some interesting (and humorous) info:

Did you know?

-Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently
arrived immigrants.

-Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for
dating are already married.

-Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

-Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

-It's possible to lead a cow upstairs... but not downstairs.

-Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

-It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

-The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch
every year because when it was built, engineers failed to
take into account the weight of all the books that would
occupy the building.

-A snail can sleep for three years.

-No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

-Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

-Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose
and ears never stop growing.

-The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

-All polar bears are left-handed.

-An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

-TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the
letters only on one row of the keyboard.

-"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English
language.

-A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

-The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

-Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

-Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their
elbow.

You tried to lick your elbow, didn't you?

Scientist revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100 percent of them gained weight, talked incessantly without making sense, and couldn’t drive.
“No further testing is planned.

<AD ducks and runs for cover>

Two children went into their parent's bathroom and noticed
the scale in the corner.

"Whatever you do," cautioned one child to the younger one,
"don't step on it!"

"Why not?" asked the sibling.

"Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful scream!"