BrainKing - Panouri de discuţii (Jokes)

Jane had been driving 16 hours straight and was still at least six hours away from her destination. It was almost eight o'clock in the morning and she was very tired.
After dozing off and nearly crashing into a telephone pole, she decided to pull onto a side road and rest.

Jane turned off the car and closed her eyes ... drifting off to sleep, precious sleep ...

When an old man in a bright blue jogging suit knocked on her window, scaring her half to death.

"Sorry to wake you," he huffed, jogging in place. "But can you tell me what time it is?"

Jane glanced at her watch. "8:15," she said through the glass.

The old man thanked her, then left.

"Just my luck," she muttered. "I'm parked on someone's jogging route."

With a sigh, she settled back into her seat and tried to fall asleep.

Two male joggers in their thirties knocked on her window. If she hadn't been dead tired, she would have found them cute. Now, they were just annoying.

"Hi," the blond jogger said.

"Do you have the time?" his brown-haired friend asked.

Jane sighed and looked at her watch. "8:19," she said.

"Thanks," they said, then jogged off.

Jane looked down the road and saw more joggers coming her way. Irritated, she retrieved a pen from the glove box and scrawled 'I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME' on the back of a magazine. She put the hastily constructed sign in the window and settled back to sleep.

A thin, pale jogger knocked on the window just as she started dozing off.

Jane pointed at the sign and shouted, "Can't you read?"

To which he replied, "Sure I can, ma'am. I just wanted to let you know: It's

20. Octombrie 2006, 02:57:39

Subiectul: Joke of the Day!

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order.
Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"

The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."

9. Octombrie 2006, 10:43:14

Subiectul: Joke of the Day!

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster.
In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in me!"

"Come on God, give me a break!!," the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!

7. Octombrie 2006, 20:45:31

Subiectul: Re:

pgt:So you are part of my company.

before you speak!

7. Octombrie 2006, 20:41:09

One night, a torrential rain soaked South Louisiana. The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there.
Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodaux, waiting for help to come.

Mrs. Thibodaux noticed a lone baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float all the way back to the house, it kept floating away from the house, then back in.

Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, "Do you see that baseball cap floating away from the house, then back again?"

Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yes, that'smy husband I told him he was going to cut the grass today come Hell or high water!"

27. Septembrie 2006, 19:22:57

When a man talks dirty to a woman it is considered harrassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it is $3.95 a minute

27. Septembrie 2006, 13:53:10

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."

With that, the father went to the telephone an dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"

The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?"

"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something, and we annoyed him. Now watch . . ."

The father dialed the same number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?" asked the father.

"Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number, and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got a lot of nerve calling again!" The receiver was slammed down hard.

The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that was anger. Now I'll show you what exasperation means."

He dialed the same number, and a violent voice roared, "HELLO!"

The father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"

19. Septembrie 2006, 11:17:13

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

16. Septembrie 2006, 15:47:24

Subiectul: Joke of the Day!

A robber about to steal a TV hears, "Jesus is watching." He pauses, sees nothing, continues and hears again, "Jesus is watching." Spying a parroot in the corner the robber asks, "Who are you?" "Clarence," replied the bird. Almost to himself the robber asks "Who would name a parrot Clarence?" To which the bird replied, "The same guy who would name a Rottweiler Jesus

15. August 2006, 22:07:07

A young woman brings home her fiancée to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I am studying Theology," he replies.

"Theology. Hmm." the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancée.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, honey?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

15. August 2006, 22:00:16

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh?

15. August 2006, 21:53:26

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it ... mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice too my life but I just didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

15. August 2006, 21:49:56

Chin-Chin the panda was on trial for entering a New York City restaurant, eating dinner, pulling out a machine gun, and shooting out the windows and doors.

The judge looked at Chin-Chin's lawyer and proclaimed, "Thirty eyewitnesses saw your client pay for dinner, shoot up the place, and leave. Security cameras caught the entire incident on video. I have no choice but to sentence your client ..."

"Wait a second, your honor," said the lawyer, "My client may be guilty, but there are extenuating circumstances. He couldn't help his behavior that night, and if you look up the word 'panda' in the dictionary, you'll have no choice but to agree."

The judge was puzzled, but he had his secretary bring his dictionary into court. There, under the letter P, he found; "PANDA: Black and white bear from China that eats shoots and leaves."

3. Noiembrie 2004, 21:03:48

Orilia Ontario has a huge Cannon as well as tree's planted for the people that have died for this Country with a plaque on every tree for every individual.Then the root joined underground and united intermigling with the speed of sound.:o)

4. Iulie 2004, 23:11:54

You still haven'nt told me how long the Rope or string is,without using a tape guide.Ask long Jonh he has the so called big IQ.It could be any length if you find the centre it's double the length from middle of the string to the end. :o)

4. Iulie 2004, 19:37:26

How long is a Rope.LJ failed,can anyone answer that one.LOL :o)

4. Iulie 2004, 03:00:00

Modificat de Universal Eyes (4. Iulie 2004, 03:00:59)

I like Women and can get them,could you kindly stop interupting me,oh is that a noun or a verb the can't see the Universe.LOL stars up.

4. Iulie 2004, 02:23:38