What part of the human body is called the "yet"?
I don't know either, but in the paper it said this lady got shot and they haven't got the bullet out of her yet!

That rancid poncho gives 'em away every time :P

Not quite, ughaibu! Although I did meet a monk once, Father Francis. He tours the UK singing and raising money for his monastery. Wonderful man, and a great singer.

****

Heres one I heard the other night...

What do you get if you take an eye off a fish?

Fsh.

Well, Winnie found it funny :oD

fsh...that's what it sounds like when kiwis (people from New Zealand, not the animal) go to say fish :))

Rofl harley - you figure you had to justify the telling of that joke? :-)

Well its not my usual sort of joke!

Another one...

What do you call the boss of hankies?

The Hankie-chief.

fAiR&bALaNcEd.

i LiKe tHAt, sKy.

Why ?

A Cajun was stopped by a game warden in South Louisiana recently with
two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those
fish?"

"Naw, ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Dese here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish!?"

"Ya. Avery night I take dese here fish down to de bayou and let dem
swim 'round for a while. Den I whistle and dey jump rat back inta dis
here ice chest and I take dem home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's
de truth ma' fren. I'll show you. It really works." "Okay, I've GOT to
see this!"

The Cajun poured the fish into the bayou, stood and waited.

After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" said the Cajun.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!"

"What fish?"

We in Louisiana may not be as smart as some, but we aren't as dumb as
most.

      

lol Skyking...

EIHN...you'Re sPaMmiNg.
pLeASe dONt fORCe Me 2 MoDeRaTe.

Yes, SIR, sir

lol

Did i DiS yOu oN MuSic DB?
No.
pLeASe cHiLL.

True, but then I didn't accuse you of a crime you didn't commit neither...


Too many scrooges around

(And now back to the Old and the Hopeless)

    incidently... MERRY CHRISTMAS

EIHN: Yer either sick or twisted.. which is it?

Why is cinderella no good at football?
Becuase she keeps on running away from the ball

Winnie: Funny one Winnie!!

Right on Rose!

Funny Winnie...thanks!!

Winnie: lol

Rose: Both -- siCk & twEEsted

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said,

"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

skipinnz: LMAO!

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

One problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it's not the same hat!"

"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table."

"Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then the ship sank.

The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back:

"OK, I give up. Where's the F******g ship?

furbster: I love it!! lol

This Text is from an actual letter from a kid
from Eromanga to Mum and Dad after joining the army.

(For those of you not in the know, Eromanga is
a small town west of Quilpie approx 10 hours west of
Brisbane in the far south west of Queensland,
Australia)

If you can 'hear' this with an Aussie accent it
will definitely enhance the flavour ;-)

************************************
Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too.

Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the
Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to
get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone!

I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first,
because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I
like sleeping in now, cuz all you gotta do before
brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya
uniform. No cows to milk, no calves to feed, no
feed to stack nothin'! Blokes haz gotta shave though,
but it's not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and
even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but
there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum
makes. You don't get fed again until noon, and by that
time all the city boys are buggered because we've been
on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to
the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil
with laughter.

I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why.
The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it
don't move and its not firing back at ya like the
Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their
prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do i
s make yourself comfortable and hit the target - its a
piece of pi55!! You don't even load your own
cartridges - they comes in little boxes and ya don't
have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo
shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys
and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's
not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori
and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home
after the muster.

Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it
looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've
only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers -
he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pickhandles across
the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and
eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the
other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys
to get in quick before word gets around how good
it is.

Your loving daughter,

Jill

Jason: yep, must be read with the aussie accent! lol

12 Blonds were stuck on a secaltor for sevral hours during a power outage

runningwolf: What is a secaltor?

Rose: an escalator & a typo. ;-)

Thad: Thanks.

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of the state he lived in.
After spending the night, his grandfather prepared
breakfast for him consisting of eggs and Bacon.
He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather. "Are these plates
clean?"
His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal."
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his
grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks
around the edge of his plate, and a substance that
looked like egg yolks. He asked again, "Are you
sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up from his hamburger his
grandfather said, "I told you before, those dishes
are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't
ask me anymore."
Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get
dinner in a nearby town, As he was leaving, his
grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't
let him pass.
He said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out."
Without diverting his attention from the football
game he was watching his grandfather shouted,
"COLDWATER, go lay down."

Haha, I own that dog!!

hehe eriisa very good

that was a cool joke

Summertop: Thats an awesome joke:)

JennyElizabeth: Thanks...Welcome to BrainKing

here's some good ones for you guys.

http://68.209.107.234/photos/new/1.gif
http://68.209.107.234/photos/new/2.gif
http://68.209.107.234/photos/new/3.gif
http://68.209.107.234/photos/new/4.jpg

Summertop: Thanks how are you?

Backoff: Oh wow those are so awesome lmao:)

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their butts!
The results of this study are pretty interesting:

· 85% of women think their butt is too big...

· 10% of women think their butt is too little...

· The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway

skipinnz: hehehe.. so true!

skipinnz: Lmao thats a good one so very true!