What do yo get when you cross a Vampire with a Snowma?




Frost bite!

Lamby: Lamby's been out in the cornfield again (groooaan)
--
http://www.theholidayspot.com/halloween/jokes.htm

nobleheart: LOL they are as bad as mine!

Lamby: you sure you didnt work here:
http://www.whatonearthcatalog.com/graphics/products/regular/AS5672.jpg

nobleheart: LOL :oD

We have go through this at some point in life:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes.I'd like some bacon and eggs."
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
G: "What?"
RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"
G: "I don't think so."
RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan
sahn toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we
bodder?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes,
an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bodder?"
G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Excuse me?"
RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"
G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder
on sigh and copy...rye??"
G: "Whatever you say."
RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."
G : "You're very welcome."

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Fred,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love Fred

At 4 am the next day, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Fred

Thad: Thanx Thad...you made my day.

Thad: hehe (good one)

Problem Name


The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not

just an athlete....she is now a nurse currently working at the

Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not

permitted to answer the hospital telephones. It caused too much

confusion when she would answer the phone and say...



Picabo, ICU.



(A good clean joke is hard to find these days --- pass it on! )

You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

You have 10 favourite recipes for elk, moose or deer meat.

You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is three feet above the ground.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.

You think everyone from the city has an accent.

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't come up on your deck.

There is only one shopping plaza in town.

You find -40C a little chilly.

The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.

There are two seasons: Liquid and Solid

Nine months of winter and three months of rough sledding.

Six inches of snow is still considered a heavy frost.

You actually 'get' these jokes, and forward them to all your Northern friends.

we have all seen I think the anti-drug commercial on tv"your brain on drugs":
http://www.whitestonecafe.com/images/142_eggs-pan.jpg
--
well this is "your brain on brainking":
http://www.poopyjoe.com/a/images2/stress.jpg

nobleheart: Public service announcemnt:::
Another Anti-drug ad!
http://www.yucs.org/~ephraim/bushlip/

nobleheart: Still ROFLing

nobleheart: hahaha.. too funny

http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/6489/a-maze-ing_new_cursor3.swf

Amandalove : You playful evil

amandalove: OMG! you funny one.. I almost got it!

http://www.joke-around.com/pictures/eye_test.gif

Where the customers are thicker than the technical support....

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD,

but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?

Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?

Customer: Yeah....

Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?

Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....

Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

===============

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...

===============

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...

it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

============== =

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'.

I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support : Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

===============

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

And last but not least:....

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

how a blonde uses a photocopier
http://ducky-eh.com/gallery/albums/randompics/thumb_blonde-photocopy.jpg
blonde with mouse
http://www.blondejokes.ws/images/blonde.gif

nobleheart: I see you found a piccie of me using the copier!! LOL

I wasn't permitted though to see the blonde with a mouse.. I can only imagine! LOL

Notable Replies
to the Invitation to the first annual
Scientists' Ball


Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.

Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.

Volta was electrified, and Archimedes was buoyant at the thought.

Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current research.

Ohm resisted the idea at first.

Boyle said he was under too much pressure.

Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.

Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.

Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.

Dr Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.

Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now must dash."

Hertz said he planned the future to attend with greater frequency.

Audubon said he'd have to wing it.

Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in
his schedule.

Darwin said he'd have to see what evolved.

Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.

Descartes said he'd think about it.

Newton was moved to attend.

Pavlov was drooling at the thought.

Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.

--

amandalove: Every one a pearl! :-))

amandalove:

playBunny: bow bow er should i say.curtsey curtsey lol

amandalove: ty amanda,that is soo cool,and appeals to my scifi intellect.any more like that,feel free to share.
-----
how about these:
A graduate student from Trinity
Computed the cube of infinity;
But it gave him the fidgets
To write down all those digits,
So he dropped math and took up divinity.
--
A burleycque dancer, a pip
Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
But she read science fiction
and died of constriction
Attempting a Moebius strip.
--
Three jolly sailors from Blaydon-on-Tyne,
They went to sea in a bottle by Klein,
Since the sea was inside the hull,
The scenery seen was exceedingly dull.
--
A research professor Renee,
Cloned people from ape DNA.
The project went well,
Anyone can tell,
'Cause they're members of congress today.
--
Miss Farad was pretty and sensual
And charged to a reckless potential;
But a rascal named Ohm
Conducted her home -
Her decline was, alas, exponential.
--
There once was a girl named Irene,
who lived on distilled kerosene.
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon,
And since then has never benzene!
--
An electron, while trav'ling in space,
Met a positron there "face-to-face."
The electron then sighed,
At the sight of his bride
And they "died" in a loving embrace.
--

nobleheart: rofl i will thanks for your comments and responce!!!!!

Hi,

This is what a computer should do first thing in the morning!
Click on the (really weird) link below and then type in your first name..


http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html

There once was an angler from Brooklyn
Who ate all the fish that he took in
He was once heard to wish
While eating his fish
"I shouldn't have left the damn hook in"
--
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think -
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

Thankgiving Quiz:
What year did the Pilgrim first celebrate Thanksgiving?
1521
1621
1721
1821


How long did the first Thanksgiving celebration last?
1 day
2 days
3 days
4 days


Which president established Thanksgiving as the last Thursday in November?
Abraham Lincoln
Andrew Johnson
Franklin Roosevelt
George Washington


Where was the first Thanksgiving celebrated?
Mayflower
Plymouth
Springfield
Boston


Wild turkeys can NOT fly.
True
False


Answers to Quiz: 1.b 2.c 3.a 4.b 5.b

nobleheart: lol

Jokes that are not suitable for the entire family will be deleted.

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they
got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the
groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The
groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The
wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom
leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going
to have a little whisk broom!!!"

"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.

"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"

A Russian woman married an English gentleman and they lived happily ever
after in London.

However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did
manage to communicate with her Husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy Chicken legs.

She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation,
clucked like a chicken And lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

The butcher got the message, and gave her the Chicken legs.

The next Day, she needed to get chicken breasts.

Again, she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken
and unbuttoned her blouse to show the Butcher her breasts!

The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken Breasts.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.

Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to The
store...



(Please scroll down)







What were you thinking?

Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!

<I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
>>doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
>>decided
>>to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
>>jumped up
>>and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
>>leotards
>>on, the class was over.
>>
>>--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
>>think is
>>the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply
>>replied,
>>"No peer pressure."
>>
>>--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own
>>Easter eggs.
>>
>>--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
>>very
>>elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she
>>replied.
>>"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker
>>commented. She
>>responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
>>
>>--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
>>replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm
>>half
>>blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
>>different
>>medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
>>Have
>>bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands
>>and feet
>>anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
>>But,
>>thank God, I still have my driver's license.
>>
>>
>>--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
>>preacher she
>>had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and
>>second, she
>>wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
>>exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me
>>twice a week."
>>
>>---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not
>>as
>>sharp as it used to be.
>>
>>--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill
>>out.
>>
>>
>>---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my
>>body are just prone to swinging.
>>
>>---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
>>coffeemaker.
>>
>>
>>---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For
>>fast
>>relief."
>>
>>
>>---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your
>>inner
>>child playing with matches.
>>
>>---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!
>>
>>--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You
>>grow old because you stop laughing.
>>
>>- --THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the
>>people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones
>>I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
>>
>>Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10. Oh
>>heck, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who
>>they are.
>>

To all you OWLS
(Older Wiser Laughin' Souls)






Wisdom from Grandpa .....

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.



Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar.




Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.



When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.



If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.



On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.



A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin' and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."





Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.



Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.





Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.



How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?





You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up or leaks.






Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.


Have a GREAT day.......and keep Laughing

<The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around
> that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a
> lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a
> patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win
> the money. Many people had tried over time - weight lifters,
> longshoremen, etc.--but nobody could do it.

> > One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a
> polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try
> the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said O.K.,
> grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled
> remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned
> to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six
> more drops of juice fell into the glass.

> As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man,
"What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?"
>
> The man smiled knowingly and replied "I work for the IRS".
>

Choose your partners, one and all,
Aspirin, Advil or Tylenol!
Now fling those covers with all you've got.
One minute cold, the next minute hot.

Circle right to the side of the bed,
Grab the tissues and Sudafed.
Back to the middle and don't goof off,
Hold your stomach and cough, cough, cough.

Forget about slippers, dash down the hall.
Toss your cookies in the shower stall
Remember others on the brink
Wash your hands, wash the sink.

Wipe the doorknob, the light switch too,
Now you've got it, you're doing the flu.
Some like it cold, some like it hot,
If you like neither, then get the shot.

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already
there?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you
know the
batteries are dead?

Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

Christmas oxymoron:
What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat
candy
out of your socks

answer:
http://photos1.blogger.com/img/106/1266/640/whack%20a%20mole.jpg
http://www.charlestonmuseum.org/Photos/education%20photos/WAC%20poster%201.jpg
http://www.enchantedlearning.com/rhymes/Thisoldman.shtml
http://www.wizardfkap.com/pic/whack.gif
http://www.neshanock.org/Whack%20at%20That.jpg
http://hem.passagen.se/st5534/whack.jpg
http://sewingartscenter.com/admin/classes/images/Stack%20&%20Whack.jpg
http://fray.slate.com/media/1/123125/123011/2093474/2093475/040123_whack-a-pol.jpg
and of course,saving the best to last:
http://www.threestoogesonline.com/images/tripleslapanim.gif

<A little different.
> MIND GAME
> 2% or 98%
> This is strange...can you figure it out?
> Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?
> Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!
> * Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.
> * There's no trick or surprise.
> * Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a
> time and as quickly as you can!
> * Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done
> each of them ... really. * Now, scroll down (but not too
>fast, you might miss something).
>
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> I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among the 2% of
> the population whose minds are different enough to think of
> something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark

> when given this exercise. Keep this message going. This one
> is actually worth sending on to others. Forward it to people you
> know so they can find out if they are usual or unusual.








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amandalove: ok, how's you do that! lol

uuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmm let see ..........lol just thought i'd liven up this place. can tell who's out on the weekends!!!!!!!

Eriisa: It's based on the properties of the number 9. Try a few different starting numbers... ;-) Then make a list of countries and animals... Mine wasn't kangaroo or orange, btw. I'm a 2%er. Whoohoo!!

playBunny: I'm a 2%er as well!! I chose koala actually, I mean I did have to pick an aussie animal!! :-)

amandalove: 2%er with Dominican Republic, cat and tangerine.

ArnieTxx: kewel responces folks

<From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>>
CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Tuesday, December 6, 2005
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
+---------------------- Bizarre Laws ----------------------+
NEW YORK

It is illegal to shoot at a rabbit from a moving trolley.

Flirting with a woman can earn a fine of $25. A second
conviction is punishable by making the offender wear horse
blinders in public.

It's illegal to speak to a person while riding in an elevator
and you must fold your hands while looking forward.

You must purchase a license to hang clothes on a clothesline.

According to New York City statues the following means of
making a living are illegal: skinning horses or cows, burning
offal, growing ragweed and burning bones.

Before enactment of the 1978 law that made it mandatory for
dog owners in New York City to clean up after their pets,
approximately 40 million pounds of excrement were deposited
on the streets every year.

It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head
for fun.

The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb
to the nose and wiggling the fingers".

***

----- Padded Bra Gives Woman 'False' Sense of Security -----

FRANKENMUTH, Michigan - Bullet proof vests have been around
a while, but have you ever heard of a nail proof bra? Dana
Colwell, 31, was cutting the grass at her Frankenmuth home
when a one-and-a-half inch nail shot out from under the
mower and punctured her right breast. Fortunately, she was
wearing her Maidenform padded "liquid-curved" bra, which
broke the speed of the nail enough so it stopped short of
her heart. She told reporters she'll make sure she's wearing
the breast-enhancing bra whenever she mows the lawn in the
future. I am sure her neighbors will love to know that too.
--------------------- Here Be Dragons ----------------------

LOS ANGELES ZOO - San Francisco Chronicle executive editor
Phil Bronstein was attacked by a Komodo dragon last week
during a visit to the LA Zoo. Bronstein's wife, actress
Sharon Stone, had arranged a private tour of the Zoo as a
Father's Day surprise. The highlight of the day was going
to be an up close visit with one of the giant lizards with
which Bronstein has had a long-time fascination. Bronstein
was asked to take off his white shoes before entering the
cage to keep the 5-foot-long reptile from mistaking them
for the white rats it is fed. The strategy did not work as
the dragon lunged for one of his feet and nearly managed to
take off Bronstein's big toe. Doctors were able to rebuild
most of the toe. The dragon was not injured.

------------ Brazilian Sperm Bank Needs a Hand -------------

SAO PAULO, Brazil - Reserves are dangerously low in Sao Paulo,
Brazil. Sperm reserves, that is. To help boost "donations,"
the Department of Human Reproduction at the Albert Einstein
Hospital has launched an aggressive campaign. In one advertise-
ment, a baby boy holds a "Playboy" magazine with the following
tagline under it: "Give it a hand so that he can be born."
Worried about the depleting sources, coordinators are hoping
the "Playboy" ads will draw more attention. Fertility special-
ist Dr. Jorge Hallack explained the urgency: "Nine in ten
potential donors are rejected, so in order to have a reasonable
stock of good semen, we need to research the semen of at least
1,500 men."
-------------- Burglars Strike During TV Time --------------

BERLIN, Germany - Over 16 million people were glued to their
television sets Sunday for the Formula One motor race. Peter
W. and Hannelore T. were no exception. They were so involved
with the race on TV, apparently, that it was two hours until
they realized they had been burglarized. As they cheered for
their favorite driver burglars broke in a window on the first
floor and went through all the drawers and closets escaping
with over $4,500 in jewelry. Peter claimed, "We didn't hear a
thing." Maybe next time he'll listen when his wife tells him
to turn down the television volume.

-- Restless Robber Gets Busted After Drug Induced Cat Nap --

AHMAN, Jordan - A jittery robber became a little too relaxed
after taking sleeping tablets to calm his nerves during a
raid on a hospital pharmacy. The thief managed to slip into
the pharmacy through the cooling system, which was undergoing
maintenance work. He proceeded to take three tablets from
the haul of medication he had stolen and promptly fell asleep
while still on the premises. He was found by hospital employ-
ees who alerted police.

amandalove: good for NY! shooting rabbits from a moving trolley, indeed!!