Dr . Visit for a colonoscopy

I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam.
His new nurse, Evelyn , took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me .
She said that he would only be a few minutes

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed that there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:

a Tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove and a beer.

When the doctor finally came in I said,
"Look Doc, I'm a little confused This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?

At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed
over to the door
He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse .. . . . .

Darn it Evelyn !!!!!!!!!!!
I said a BUTT LIGHT"

Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your
balanceand fall over.

6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not
wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't
remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of
restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't
dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a
walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

Sit Ubu, Sit! Good Dog...

One day in a busy butcher's store, a dog walks in. The butcher not having time to deal with the health hazard himself shouts at the dog to, "SCRAM!" The dog promptly lowers his head and leaves the shop.

Later in the day the dog re-enters the shop and drops a piece of paper on the floor. The butcher sees this and picks up the note and reads it. "Can I please have 1lb of bacon and 12 sausages", the dog promptly drops a $20 bill on the floor. The butcher quite amazed at this performance prepares the order, takes the money and gives the dog his change back. He places the bag with the sale inside into the dogs mouth and watches him trot out of the shop. Seeing that it was now about 4:30pm, the butcher decides to close the shop and follow the dog.

He follows the dog 30 yards down the road where the dog gets up on his hind paws and activates the pedestrian crossing lights with his nose. "Wow" thinks the butcher who then follows the dog to the bus-stop, where the dogs waits patiently for the bus.

After several buses have passed the dog jumps up and hails down the next double-decker, he boards the bus and requests his destination and takes his seat at the front of the bus. The butcher can't quite believe what he is seeing. The bus travels through town and out to the suburbs on the other side. The dog rings the bell and alights his transport home. The butcher then follows him for another 100 yards or so. The dog approaches a house and lays down his bag of meat on the front porch. He then backs up the front path and runs and throws himself at the front door.

'WHACK!'. The dog collides with the front door.

No answer, so he repeats this again, all whilst the butcher is watching from the other side of the road.

WHACK!! again no answer.

This time the dog jumps up onto the wall and walks round the side of the house where he taps on one of the windows with the side of his head and walks back round to the door. This time the door opens. The owner of the dog then enters into rage screaming and shouting at the dog. The butcher, feeling that this very special dog was being abused, decided to get involved and approached the owner:

"How can you have a go at your dog after what he has done? He is an absolute genius!," to which the owner replied:

Genius you say? Well it's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!