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 JokesA place to share jokes, funny stories, and to just laugh in general :-) Please remember this board can be (and is) accessed by children. All jokes should be family friendly. No profanity No jokes of a sexual nature KEEP IT PG rated Thanks! Nie je vám dovolené písať správy do tohto klubu. Minimálna úroveň členstva vyžadovaná na písanie v tomto klube je Brain jazdec. Mód: Každý môže písať
<< < 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 > >> 7. novembra 2006, 21:41:42 Subjekt: Re: MASTERCARD  Haridaspal:  8. novembra 2006, 03:44:55 Subjekt: negative people Zmenené užívateľom skipinnz (8. novembra 2006, 14:35:11) A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, " Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome So, how are you getting there?" We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place e over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's going be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha' doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser, "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome "It was wonderful!" exclaimed the woman, "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really! What'd he say?" He said, "Where'd you get the bad haircut? 8. novembra 2006, 11:54:30 Subjekt: Re: negative people skipinnz:  8. novembra 2006, 14:39:32 Subjekt: PLEASE READ ALL jokes must be PG. That means OK for young kids to read. We don't care if you swear in front of your kids and you think it is acceptable. It isn't here. Do not use any profanity what so ever in your jokes. DONT hide bad words with a letter or two then ****. If you cant delete the swear for an acceptable clean word then please DONT bother to post here as it will be deleted. No one is saying DONT post jokes. We just want every one to get that we are looking for clean family jokes with NO profanity or sexual references at all. Not that hard to follow really. There are private fellowships for jokes that you must tell that are not acceptable here. Thank you! 12. novembra 2006, 03:27:49 A jockey and his horse are in the starting blocks at Flemmington pumped up on nervous energy, ready to run the big one, then, the starter sounds and they're off! As the jockey takes a small lead he's hit in the shoulder with some fruit mince pies, then some chocolates, next came some crackers and then some antipasto mix, finally, just as he was nearing the finish line, a bottle of bubbly hits him in the head and he's pipped at the post. After he comes to and realises what has happened he storms off to speak with the steward... "Sir" he says, "Sir. I must protest! I have been severely HAMPERED!" 12. novembra 2006, 03:31:04 Subjekt: Re:  xmas is soon:  12. novembra 2006, 17:43:19 Subjekt: Re: PLEASE READ Rose: who died & gave you the job of censor. i understand your sentiments. i agree there are jokes inappropiate for children. but then again puratinism is more uncomely & your don'ts really DON'T GET IT in this country. i suggest if you're so concerned you make this site unaccessable to your kids ,unless you are there to scan the board 1st & delete what you will. i don't see any children er well .what i mean to say is i don't see any jokes here told by children .do what you feel you must to protect your offsprings if you feel this harmless innocuous board is a threat to their upbringing. but how dare you dictate to anyone else. i really haven't seen any vile,disgusting ,or totally inappropiate jokes since i've been reading them. no forbidden fruit here rose.i'm not writing this to insult you or demean your parental perogatives . but since noone else seems to care or have the elan to reply i have.i obey the admin rules. but an admin would never phrase a msg as you have .+ who is this we that you refer to. you yourself & you.you say there are joke boards for fellas where adult humor is tolerated . how ,or where are they & how are they reached. i read much more than i write & would like to see a joke told as it should be told. the delivery is every bit as important as the punchline .watered down jokes are usually ineffective & don't convey the story properly. i respect your looking out for your children. just didn't care for your attempted strongarm tactics mook53lhd 12. novembra 2006, 17:50:42 Subjekt: Re: PLEASE READ mook53lhd: Unfortunately due to your lack of punctuation I understand about half of your long message but I get the gist of it. There are rules here at brainking for a reason. Doesn't mean every one had to like them. If you would refer to the guide lines of the site you will see NO one died. It is plain and simple: There will be no swearing or sexual inuendos tolerated on this joke board. It isn't just for children. Many adults don't think it is necessary to read that on a PUBLIC board. It cant be that hard to keep a joke clean with out using profanity or a sexual jab is it? And sorry to say you are wrong that NO one cares. Plenty of people care what is written here, not everyone is willing to speak out publicly on the board about it. I suggest if you really have a hard time posting FAMILY oriented joke then don't post. Most of the people I sent notes to who has posted jokes not appropriate for this board completely understood why it was edited or removed. 12. novembra 2006, 17:56:44 12. novembra 2006, 17:59:46 Subjekt: Re: PLEASE READ  mook53lhd: Rose is a Global Moderator and as such she has a responsibility to step in when the regular board mods are not on and remove posts which are outside the guidelines. I have agreed with her decisions. 12. novembra 2006, 20:39:51 Subjekt: Re: your offer & heads up King Reza: i have to join to see & tell some adult jokes. well king as long as you don't ask for my cr card # ok .i'd like to see the difference. i wasn't objecting to a clean board & have never been an offender .it was her tone i found objectionable.like . actung yavohl frau rose. anyway thanks for the heads up . i never saw her name & there was no title on her post saying who she was . we'll talk again if you wish . mook53lhd 12. novembra 2006, 21:32:34 Subjekt: Re: your offer & heads up  mook53lhd: I know this is not funny, but really, if you feel it important to contribute to discussion boards, at least try to take the time to construct real English sentences. They normally begin with an upper case letter, and if you use two spaces between sentences, then they become even more readable. Posts by people who do not take the time and trouble to make them clear and lucid are really not worth reading. Please don't actually post any jokes unless you can present them clearly. 13. novembra 2006, 04:24:08 Subjekt: Re: your offer & heads up My two cents: I, too, would like to see mook53lhd either write in complete sentences or stop posting. I agree that somehow we simple users should have been able to tell that Rose's post was from a glob and not just from some random angry poster. I would suggest to Fencer that perhaps the backgrounds of their posts be changed to a different color, or perhaps the color of their text, something, anything, but everytime I suggest something to him, he brushes me off. Short of that, Rose, perhaps you could add a sentence announcing that you are a glob just so we know in any future posts that are like your recent ones. Just a suggestion, of course. NOW SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME A JOKE!! ;-) 13. novembra 2006, 04:27:34 Subjekt: Schoolboy Schoolboy's reason for truancy: bored of education. 13. novembra 2006, 21:46:08 Subjekt: Grammar & complete sentences?  There is no requirement of typing in complete sentences, or using correct grammar to post on Brainking's public boards. The solution is not to tell someone not to post, but to simply block that person's posts from yourself. I can't think of any appropriate jokes at this moment.. lol..  13. novembra 2006, 22:07:17 Subjekt: Jokes Seems this is turning into a chat room. Can't the mods bleep the jabber? 13. novembra 2006, 22:23:11 Subjekt: Re: Jokes JackS: Personaly, I was hoping it would just fade away on it's own! 14. novembra 2006, 07:25:55 Subjekt: Excerpts from an Interview X = Interviewer; Y = Interviewee (is there such a word?) X: When is your birthday? Y: 6th July. X: Which year? Y: What do you mean, which year? Every year, of course! X: Where were you born? Y: India. X: Which part? Y: Which part? Whole body was born together! X: What is the best car in India? Y: Can you give me a hint? X: Yes, it starts with 'T'. Y: Fantastic! Starts with tea! All cars I know start with petrol. 14. novembra 2006, 14:14:54  Taxicab Confessions...
14. novembra 2006, 21:41:26 Subjekt: whew finally a joke or two. I was dozing....... 14. novembra 2006, 22:14:44 Subjekt: True...but still funny! Any bird hunters out there? Or do you know someone who does hunt? Check this out: SeasonShot.com 16. novembra 2006, 11:20:52 Subjekt: Help Desk There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?" Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." Operator: "What sort of trouble??" Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." Operator: "Went away?" Caller: "They disappeared." Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?" Caller: "Nothing." Operator: "Nothing??" Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??" Caller: "How do I tell?" Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??" Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?" Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??" Caller: "What's a monitor?" Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??" Caller: "I don't know." Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??" Caller: "Yes, I think so." Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller: "Yes, it is." Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??" Caller: "No." Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." Caller: "Okay, here it is." Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." Caller: "I can't reach." Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??" Caller: "No." Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??" Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." Operator: "Dark??" Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then." Caller: "I can't." Operator: "No? Why not??" Caller: "Because there's a power failure." Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??" Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?" Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is." Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??" Operator: "Tell them you're too ----------- stupid to own a computer!!!!!" 16. novembra 2006, 11:23:34 Subjekt: The comic genius that was Tommy Cooper! 1. Two blondes walk into a building....you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..." 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. 7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off. 8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle. 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. 11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." 12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual." 13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy" 14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start." 15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom! 16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' 18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin. 19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!" 20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." 22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore" 23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb As digging continues into the night. 16. novembra 2006, 12:31:09 Subjekt: Re: The comic genius that was Tommy Cooper! Kiwiyeti: Some were simply great! Thanks! 16. novembra 2006, 12:41:56 Subjekt: Re: The comic genius that was Tommy Cooper! Kiwiyeti: well done all i have to do now is remember them to repeat at work lol 17. novembra 2006, 20:12:20 A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an Email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her Email address and without realizing his error, sent the Email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her Email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here! 17. novembra 2006, 22:31:35 Subjekt: Re: Lol yoyudax: I liked that one. 17. novembra 2006, 22:33:12 Subjekt: Re: Hahaha Sarah1980: 20. novembra 2006, 14:15:54 Subjekt: Some Quotes Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter!) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." -- Eleanor Roosevelt Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. -- Victor Borge Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. -- Jimmy Durante I have never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. -- Alex Levine My business luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. -- Rodney Dangerfield Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. -- Spike Milligan I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -- W.C. Fields We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. -- Will Rogers Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. -- Winston Churchill Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. -- Billy Crystal 26. novembra 2006, 18:25:13 One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop 26. novembra 2006, 18:26:39 For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll cr*p on it's head." 26. novembra 2006, 18:28:18 An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother." 26. novembra 2006, 18:30:47 After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!" 28. novembra 2006, 16:39:12 This is why I didn't show up for work yesterday. I was cleaning out my wife's grandpa's cellar and found 12 bottles of his home-bottled grape wine under the steps. My wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I agreed to do the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork form the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle, did likewise, and drank one glass, just to check the taste to see if the old fellow knew his wine making. He did. I then opened the third bottle, and poured it, too, down the sink, but not until drinking one full glass to check the purity. It was very good. I did this, also with the fourth bottle. One glass for myself, and the rest down the sink. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork from the bottle, then corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, which were 29, and as the house came by I counted them again, and finally had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I felt so foolish that I couldn't go upstairs and congratulate my wife to tell her what a great winemaker her grandpa was. I will do that after climbing the basement steps the next time they come by. 30. novembra 2006, 08:04:29 Subjekt: Re: King Reza: Superb! 6. decembra 2006, 11:02:51 A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out..."! 6. decembra 2006, 11:03:31 A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you." 6. decembra 2006, 11:05:17 A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?" 6. decembra 2006, 11:06:54 A brunette is trying to get across a river and suddenly she spots a blonde on the other side. She yells over to the blonde "Hey, excuse me! How do I get over to the other side?" And after a quick survey of the river, the blonde calls back "You ARE on the other side!" 6. decembra 2006, 11:07:49 A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing." 6. decembra 2006, 11:20:09 A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up. 8. decembra 2006, 10:50:09 Subjekt: Re:  King Reza: love that one..lol 8. decembra 2006, 16:16:29 Subjekt: Re: King Reza: lol good jokes 9. decembra 2006, 13:06:50 THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them, and a remote with dead batteries. Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply to themselves either while driving or making three lunches. Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas. Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse. They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. He will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes. A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up. They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better. They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, "You're not the boss of me." The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years...eventually earning the right to be called Mother! After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All new Yahoo! Mail -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Get news delivered. Enjoy RSS feeds right on your Mail page. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Be one of the first to try Windows Live Mail. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 17. decembra 2006, 14:50:23 OK, bible has been deleted. I didn't see anything, that wasn't "family friendly" on this thing. And also I see this less offensive than drawings mentioned by King Reza - because islam forbids picturing of the prophet, but I haven't seen anywhere that christianism forbids labeling the bible... But it is decision of moderator of the board and that's it. 17. decembra 2006, 15:12:27 Since Milioi deleted his post I doubt if youd all mind me removing your posts pertaining to the message as they will confuse readers since the post is no longer there. 17. decembra 2006, 15:17:15 Subjekt: Re: Rose: I did't delete, it was deleted, but the result is the same. 17. decembra 2006, 15:24:10 Subjekt: Re: Milioi: I deleted the post in the wake of two complaints sent to me. As a general rule jokes regarding religious matters are probably not a good idea. 17. decembra 2006, 15:29:47 Subjekt: Re: Purple:probably .... 17. decembra 2006, 15:29:49 Subjekt: Re:  Milioi: Your joke, which is one of the best I've seen on this site, is very welcome in my fellowship: Laugh it up, M8 (Vtipy od 18ti) << < 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 > >> |
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