"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."

Two women were playing golf,one teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men,and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied, still in pain, still in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together in his groin.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his trousers, and put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked, "How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

accidents are not funny
but some are weird
http://www.wreckedexotics.com/newphotos/weird/weird027.shtml

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.

"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill."

Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"

"This is my mother."

BIG BAD WOLF: lol where did you find that!

Grampa AD: I've just collected things like that from the web and kept it - hard telling where I actually got it from.

Like ths - A bomb squade practical joke!

http://coan.net/bk-smile/8/bomb-squad-practical-joke.jpg

BIG BAD WOLF: tooooo funny!!!

Little Johnny's neighbors had a new baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without any ears.

When the mother and baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the new baby. Before they left the house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him, and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears, or even SAID the word ears, he would get the spanking of his life when they got back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked into the crib, he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thankyou Little Johnny." Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose, and REALLY beautiful eyes." "Can he see?" asked Little Johnny. "Yes," the mother replied. "We are so thankful, the doctor said he will have 20/20 vision." "That's great," said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be sh** outta luck if he needed glasses!"

A Real Brain Teaser!


Read this sentence:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Now count aloud the ' F' s in that sentence.



Count them ONLY ONCE; do not go back and count them again.

Then see below..





The answer is below. (scroll down)















ANSWER:

There are six F's in the sentence. One of average intelligence finds
three of them. If you spotted four, you're above average. If you
got five, you can turn your nose up at most anybody. If you caught six,
you are a genius. There is no catch. Many people forget the OFs. The
human brain tends to see them as "V's" instead of "F's".

The middle-aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 month's to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up.
The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order", make sure his will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.

"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor.

His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my mother-in-law."

Surprised by the answer, the doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the world would you want to live with your mother-in-law?"

"Because it'll be the longest six months of my life!"

martha stewart's christmas
http://www.funehumor.com/images/fun/mspris03.jpg
marth's mag
http://photos1.blogger.com/img/142/2778/640/Martha-Stewart-joke.jpg
----
fun with mikey
http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/apes.jpg
http://www.bravesbeat.com/photos/rap/062004/r03.jpg

Several racehorses are in a stable. One on them starts boasting about his track record. "Of my last 15 races," he says, "I've won eight."

Another horse breaks in, " Well I've won 19 of my last 27!"

"That's good, but I've taken 28 of 36, " says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, a greyhound who's been sitting nearby listening says, "I don't mean to boast, but of my last 90 races, I've won 88."

The horses are clearly amazed. "WOW," says one horse after a prolonged silence, "a talking dog!"

A man takes his hamster to see the vet. He takes it out of the cage, and puts it on the table, where it lies still. The vet has a quick look, and says, "I'm sorry, but your hamster is dead."

"No it isn't", says the man. "Yes it is." says the vet.

"I demand a second opinion" says the man.

The vet goes into the back room, and returns with a Labrador. It jumps up on the table, and sniffs the hamster, then shakes it's head and looks up at the man with mournful eyes.

"See. I told you." said the vet. "The hamster is dead".

"That's a dog! What the hell does a dog know?" protests the man.

So the vet brings a cat into the room.

It sniffs at the hamster, and bats it with its paw, then it mews dejectedly and slinks away.

"Ok. Ok. The hamster is dead. I believe you" says the man. "Now how much do I owe you?"

"£147.86" says the vet

"£147.86" says the man. "That's extortionate"

"Well my fee was just £6.50" says the vet

"But there's also the Lab report and the Cat scan."

wayney: hehe.. that is kewt.. ;)

ScarletRose: the wonders of modern medicine :)

'

'

Why did God invent lesbians ?
So feminists wouldn't breed.


Why did the woman cross the road ?
That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen ?


What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down ?
Kick her butt


How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.


How many women does it take to change a light bulb ?
11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..


What is the difference between a battery and a woman ?
A battery has a positive side.


Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women ?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.


Why do men pass gas more than women ?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

~*~

A traveling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest a few minutes. The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began to boast about his past.

"Yes sir, I'm a fine horse. I've run in 25 races and won over $5 million dollars. I keep my trophies in the barn."

The salesman computed the value of having a talking horse, found the horse's owner and offered a handsome sum for the animal.

"Aw, you don't want that horse," said the farmer.

"Yes I do," said the salesman, "and I'll give you $100,000 for the horse."

Recognizing a good deal, the farmer said without hesitation, "He's yours."

While he wrote out his check, the salesman asked, "By the way, why wouldn't I want your horse?"

"Because," said the farmer, "he's a liar - he hasn't won a race in his life."

This is absolutely hilarious! If you're over the age of 21 this will crack you up...

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But.... Now that I've reached the ripe old age of 38, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet -- we wanted to know something, we had to go to the darn library and look it up ourselves! And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter -- with a pen! --and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the darn record store! and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up!

You want to hear about hardship? We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your d*** dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you were screwed! And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... ...D'ya hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little creeps!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.

You're spoiled, I swear! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1984!

wayney: hehehe.. I second that!!

danoschek: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=men+jokes

Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him.

Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.

At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.

When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?"

"Well," Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, "Is that mule for sale!?"

Ogopogo: http://home.tiac.net/~cri/2002/naggywife.html

Just when you thought you knew everything....

1. In many states the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl... Let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean.
4. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
5. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
6. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away corrosion.
7. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
9. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
10. To carry Coca Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place cards reserved for Highly Corrosive materials.
11. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

http://home.tiac.net/~cri/2002/

Coke:

http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/acid.asp
http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/cokelore.asp

this is a very good joke site too ... especially some people. ~*~

'

'

The passenger noticed by the license that his cab driver's name was "Winston Churchill"

Trying to make conversation, he said, "I see your name is Winston Churchill."

The driver simply said, "Yep. That's my moniker."

The passenger, not willing to give up yet on some banter said, "That's a pretty famous name."

Upon which the the driver responded:
"As well it should be too. I've a-been driving a cab here for over forty years."

~*~

Ogopogo: *giggle*.. her dress was so pretty.. and her hair.. OM!! who fixed it for her.. I will have to go have mine done as well.. hehe..

Hey you!

ScarletRose:

Hi

Ogopogo:

People always ask me if i'm married. I say well once. But it fell all apart thanks to my wife joining a new organization.

It was called W.A.S.H.

It stands for "W"omen "A"gainst "S"tupid "H"usbands....Now i'm single... :-/

Am I Really Too Old??




I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.


They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.


For starters:

Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds.

Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.



Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.





An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys get up early every morning to pee.

If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.



Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however..... I've been in combat and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."



And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.






All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death..

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.

About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad."

She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line.
Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home.
When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Joe is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.
The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.

True story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting.

2 drunks were sitting in the afternoon on a park bench sharing a bottle in front of the lion's cage at the zoo.they both fell asleep.6:00 PM ,its feeding time at the zoo,the lion wakes up & roars.both drunks wake up startled & stiil snonckered."come on,et's get out of here".one druk says to the other.hid friend says."no,no,wait,the movie just started".
---
drunk staggers up onto the the 1st steop at the old city hall.drops a dime into a crevass in the mortar,looks up at the clockface on the clocktower & mumbles to himself"geez,I lost 5 pounds".
---
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, “Give the ballerina a drink!”

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?” Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, “Give the ballerina another drink!”

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, “I say, old chap, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?’”

“As far as I’m concerned”, the drunk replied, “any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!”

chupacabraVS2:
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."
-
http://www.c-wilkie.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jokes/images/drunk_pumpkin.jpg

The day finally arrives: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here St. Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about no entrance exam. Sure hope the test ain't too hard; life was hard enough."

St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test I have for you is only three questions: The first question: What days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?

Forrest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day and goes up to St. Peter to try to answer the exam questions.

St. Peter waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest says, "Well, the first one -how many days in the week begin with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be 2, Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest! That's not what I was thinking, but ... you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I give you credit for that answer.

How about the next one?" asks St. Peter, "How many seconds in a year?" "Now that ones harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve! Forrest how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forest says, "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second..."

"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I'll give you credit for that one, too.

Let's go on to the final question: Can you tell me God's first name?"

Forrest replied, "Andy." "OK, OK," said a frustrated St. Peter, "I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name of Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learned it from the song... "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN..."

St. Peter opened the gate and said: "RUN, FORREST, RUN!"

* Yes = No.

* No = Yes.

* Maybe = No.

* I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.

* We need = I want.

* It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now.

* Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

* We need to talk = I need to complain.

* Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.

* I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron.

* This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

* I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper.

* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

* Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

* How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate.

* I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

* Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.

*

*

An elderly man was walking through the French countryside,
admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he
spotted a young couple making love in a field.

Getting over his initial shock he said to himself,
"Ah, young love ... ze spring time,
ze air, ze flowers ... C'est magnifique !",
and continued to watch, remembering
the good old day's that he'd once enjoyed.

Suddenly he gasped and said, "Mais ... Sacre bleu !
Ze woman she is dead !" before heading off as fast
as he could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief.

He arrived at the Police Station, out of breath, and shouted,
"Jean...Jean...zere is zis man, zis woman ...
naked in farmer Gaston's field making love."

The police chief smiled and said,
"Come, come, Henri you are not so old, remember
ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers ?
Ah,L'amour ! Zis is OK."

"Mais non ! You do not understand, ze woman, she is dead !"

Upon hearing this, Jean, leapt up from his seat,
rushed out of the station, jumped on his push-bike,
pedaled down to the field, confirmed Henri's story,
and pedaled all the way back to call the doctor.

He picked up the telephone and screamed,
"Pierre, Pierre ! This is Jean, I was in Gaston's
field, zere is a young couple naked having sex !"

To which Pierre replied,
"Jean, I am a man of science. You must emember ...
it's spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L'amour ! Zis is very natural."

Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply,
"NON, you do not understand, ze woman, she is dead !"

Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed, "Mon dieu !" grabbed his black
medicine bag, stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other
tools, jumped in his car, and drove like a madman down to Gaston's field.

After carefully examining the participants he drove
calmly back to Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station.

When he got there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said,
"Ah, mes amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead, she is British !"

~*~

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one was a brunette, and one was a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.

About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks."
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.

Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.

Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes".

"Do you remember first meeting your wife?"

"Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her to her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry me, she would begin a new life and I'd never allow her near the gutter again."

"Wow, I hope she appreciates what you did for her."

"Not really. Jill hated to give up bowling."

<A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Laura, something
nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell
phone.
He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
> > Laura was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Laura went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her
astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Laura," he
said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Laura replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is
clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."!

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her h usband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

Little Johnny comes home from school with a request for his father:



"Dad, I need to do a homework about politics and how government works. Can you help me?"



"Sure, that's easy", says the father. "It's sufficient to compare the government and society with our family:

I'm the money earner, call me the capitalist.

Your mom manages the family and spends the money: she's the government.

Your nanny works for us, she's the working class.

You are the people.

Your little brother George is the future generation.

Have you got all that?"



"Yes, I think so", answers little Johnny.



During the night, Little Johnny is awakened by George, who is crying. He gets up and sees that George needs to be changed. He goes to his parents' room and tries to wake his mother, but she's fast asleep. His dad isn't in bed. He goes to look for the nanny and finds his father deep... ah... in conversation with her. In the meanwhile George has calmed down, so Johnny goes back to sleep.



Next day at breakfast, Johnny tells his father:



"Dad, I now understand all about politics!"



"Really? What do you make of it?



"It's simple. I understand that capitalism screws the working class while the government's asleep, deaf to the calls of the people and happy to leave the future generation in s****!"

Catch fly with chopsticks game (Sorry, probable will not work with WebTV)

http://www2.abc.net.au/fly/flysui/flysui.html

Get the Drunk Home
Try this and see how far you can keep this drunk man up.
Hysterical........You just move your mouse left to right (no clicking )

To keep him walking in a straight line. The object of the game is to keep him walking, without falling over, by using your mouse from left to right or right to left - you can't see your mouse which makes it more difficult.

Apparently the record is 82 meters! And it's in German !

CLICK ON THE HYPERLINK BELOW TO PLAY - ITS ADDICTIVE.

www.wagenschenke.ch

A test. (oh, I got 7 our of 10)

http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz/

BIG BAD WOLF: I got all 10, lucky guessing!

BIG BAD WOLF: Got 8

I got 8/10... ew.. errie..

I know my java beans from my fava beans!! and my slashers from my backslashers!! LOL

Ogopogo: My highest right now is 54 meters!! LOL addicting yes.. haha