HOORAY for Susan!!!!!!!!!!

Saddam Hussein has been captured.

Because this is a board...and lots of people read this board, and it made me laugh.

No...the joke is that a terrorist like Hussein figured he could run and hide. The joke was on him!

You obviously aren't American, so I can see why you don't get it, it was just a post. Let it go.

Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated,Saddam has been captured a lot of the lesser-known Hussein family members are coming to the attention of American authorities.

Among the brothers:

Sooflay .................the restaurateur
Guday....................the half-Australian brother
Huray.....................the sports fanatic
Sashay...................the gay brother
Kuntay & Kintay.....the twins from the African mother
Sayhay...................the baseball player
Ojay.......................the stalker/murderer
Gulay.....................the singer/entertainer
Ebay.......................the internet czar
Biliray.....................the country music star
Ecksray..................the radiologist
Puray......................the blender factory owner
Regay.....................the half-Jamaican brother
Tupay.....................the one with bad hair

Among the sisters:

Lattay......................the coffee shop owner
Bufay.......................the 300 pound sister
Dushay....................the clean sister
Phayray...................the zoo worker in the gorilla house
Sapheway...............the grocery store owner
Ollay........................the half-Mexican sister
Gudlay.....................the prostitute

And Finally:

There is Oyvay..... but the family doesn't like to talk about him much.

Now THAT is freakin FUNNY!!!! LMAO!!!

LOL...but I talked to Carson from 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' and he feels it was more of a chartruse, and NOT the best colour to be sporting when captured.

Question) How many Saddam Insanes does it take to change a light bulb?

Anwser) Only one....and Mr. Insane will kill any one who disagrees.

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.
They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.

As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.

Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.

Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.

She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."

George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."

Did they really capture saddam ?

http://healingiraq.blogspot.com/mach3.jpg

Nice one! :·)

5.Up on the mousetop
4.I saw mommy hiss at Santa Claus
3.Silent mice
2.Jingle balls
And cat's number one favorite Christmas song of all...
1.Wreck the halls

A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees
President Bush and Colin Powell sitting together.
He introduces himself and asks President Bush,
"How goes the War effort, Sir?"

President Bush answers, "We're getting ready
to kill 40 million Iraqi's and one blonde."

The guy asks in astonishment,
"Why are you killing one blonde?"

President Bush turns to Colin Powell and says,
"See, I told you people wouldn't care about the Iraqi's."

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."
So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story:

Women are clever.
Don't mess with us!

An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid term. The last
question, worth 70 points or none at all was: Name seven advantages of
mother's milk. The student in question had also partied the night before and
was hard put to think of 7 advantages. He wrote:
1. It is a perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always available as needed.
4. It is always at the right temperature.
5. It is inexpensive.
6. It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, just before the bell indicating
the end of the test was at hand rang, he wrote:
7. It comes in such cute containers.
He was the only student to ace (100%)the exam.

They believe in Santa Claus.....
They don't believe in Santa Claus......
They are Santa Claus

<>Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. A small boy
> >wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the
> >lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she
asked.
>
> >"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
> >
> >================================================
> >
> >A grandmother was surprised by her 7-year-old grandson one morning. He
had
>
> >made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life.
> >When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army
> men
> >in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"
> >Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV - 'The best part of waking up
> is
> >soldiers in your cup !"
> >
> >================================================
> >
> >An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally
>
> >asked him, "How do you expect to get into heaven?" The boy thought it
over
>
> >and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep
slamming
>
> >the door until St. Peter says, For heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay
> >out.'"
> >
> >===============================================
> >
> >A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home
> >one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the
> >fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's
> >duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No,"
said
>
> >another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to
> a
> >close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
> >
> >===============================================
> >
> >Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
> her
> >face. "Why do you do that, Mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful,"
> >said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's
> >the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports
for her first day
promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the
Personnel Manager's
door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins
to rant about
the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole
line is backing
up, putting the entire plant behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides that he should see this for himself so
the two men march
down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up
that there are Elmos
all over the floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end
of the line stands the
new employee. She has a roll of red plush fabric and a big bag of
marbles. The men watch
in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two
marbles and begins
to sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of
hysterics he pulls
himself together and approaches the woman. "I'm sorry," he says to her,
barely able to
keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood me yesterday. Your
job is to give each
Elmo two test tickles

"You should name your company Microsoft!"

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive. "

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Dear Mr. Blix,

Welcome to Iraq ! It is so good of you and your Weapons Inspectors
to visit my humble nation once again. My people are overjoyed to
assist the totally neutral and gloriously impotent UN in serving
their American Masters. I realize that many of you would much
rather be touring the Third World for some magnificently ineffective
do-nothing NGO, but alas you are here compromising your values
on behalf of Western oil companies.

Before you wipe the blood from your hands and get down to the
business of concocting reasons for the US to bomb us back to
the stone ages of 1991, I thought I’d help reorient you to
the ways of magical Baghdad with a few *Dos" and *Don'ts*.

DO:
Slavishly patronize Baghdad locals with chocolate bars and
worthless Western baubles. Nothing ingratiates us more to
intrusive throngs of chubby, sweaty, lobster-red warmongers then
when they pass out meaningless tchotkes to us Third World "savages".
We will remember these tokens as we dance on your bleached bones.
I joke !

DO:
Ignore my playful peoples penchant for recreational HAZMAT suit use.
Moreover, ignore the glowing, three-tailed rats that are
indigenous to Baghdad. While you're at it, ignore the totally
desolate warehouse full of rotting canisters at the corner
of Saddam Is Great Avenue and Drown In Blood Yankee Dogs Boulevard.

DO:
Feel free to enter any building, factory, or hospital you desire.
And while you're busy violating my paranoid and fragile egos
sovereignty, feel free to double-check the bedpans of the dying,
gut the teddy bears of orphans, and pour into the dirt any and
all bottles of weapons grade baby formula you might uncover.

DON'T:
Forget your high-tech Weapons of Mass Destruction Poking Sticks
or Nintendo Gameboys at the hotel. We know that without these useless,
aesthetic "tools" you cannot unearth the make-believe stores
of plutonium I don’t have hidden underneath my opulent
Presidential Palaces that my people willed me to build for my
own noble pleasures.

DON'T:
Ignore the cultural relativism we know you studied in your
Liberal Arts Colleges. We humble Iraqis have a far different culture
than the advanced West. Whereas you respect the differences
between languages, cultures and value systems, I want to kill.
Kill you, your family, friends, grammar school teachers,
the Israelis, whole bunches of Saudis and just for good measure,
my new yet treacherous-looking barber Adnan.

DON'T:
Mock our cherished Iraqi way of life. While you might think
it barbaric and backward, our seemingly brutal governmental system
is based on sound fascistic principles that have helped keep
the majority of Arabs in splendid desolate squalor for decades.

I truly hope your stay here is a positive experience.
I pray that those of you I do not like do not accidentally
get caught in the crossfire of the invasion you are busy inventing !

In Me I Trust,
Saddam

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the
Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled
dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier.

A short distance up the road, they found a badly
mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other
side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran
to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him
what had happened.

"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this
road, armed to the teeth when I came across this
heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him
right in the eye and shouted,
'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'"

"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'"

"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Merry Christmas :)

Words fail me

Bill Clinton is walking past the security gate at the White house and sees sees a scandalus yet true put down written in the snow banks in yellow....he storms into the gate house and demands that they find the culprit as soon as possible....a couple of days later the security chief says to him that he has bad news and worse news.....the bad news is that DNA tests reveal that the urine was from Al Gore...the worse news is that the hand writing was Hillary's

If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood, and Bill Clinton
all had a spelling contest, which one would win ?

Dan Quayle.
He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus'' bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come
from a thrilling choir performance followed by a thunderous
prayer meeting,
so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost
in thought about the Lord, and how good He is... and I didn't
notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone
else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed!
I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was
sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,
''For the love of GOD! GO, GO!! Jesus Christ, GO!!''
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone
started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started
waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked
my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been
a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something
about a ''sunny beach''... I saw another guy waving in
a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
When I asked my teenage son what that meant, he said that it
was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've
never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave
him the good luck sign back. My son burst out laughing... why even
HE was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the
people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got
out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they
wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when
I noticed the light had changed, so I waved one more time
to my loving brothers and sisters, grinning, and drove on
through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got
through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt
kind of sad that I had to leave them all after all the love we
had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window
and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one more time as
I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.

hahaha :)

LOL Oldie but goodie.Great joke

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue:
"No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall".

~Eleanor Roosevelt

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet News
has obtained an EXCLUSIVE interview with the one person most
to blame for the situation.

Internet News:
We have as our guest today the man whose birthday is the cause of the
Y2K predicament, Jesus Christ. What do you have to say for yourself, Jesus?

Jesus Christ:
First, let me say that I was terribly flattered to have my
birthday turned into the starting date for your calendar.

IN:
But isn't it true that your birthday was already being celebrated
on December 25th? How is it that our calendar dates from your
birthday but January 1st was chosen?

JC:
Oh, just a fluke, really. Neither date is correct. It always
struck me as funny that, December 25th or January 1st, you choose to
celebrate it in the middle of winter. I mean, the shepherds weren't
exactly "keeping watch over their flocks by night" in the
open fields during winter, were they?

IN:
No, I guess they weren't. So, when exactly were you born?

JC: December 28th.

IN: But...

JC:
Just kidding. If I told you when I was really born, you would
just make another holiday out of it and I think that two
birthdays a year are more than enough.

IN:
But it will be 2,000 years from the year you were born, right?

JC:
That's another thing. There is no year "0" partly because the
ancients had no concept of it mathematic-ally but mostly because
of all the arguments about whether it would be 0 AD or 0 BC.
It became sort of a Y-zero-K situation, so they decided to
skip it altogether. One year after 1 BC became 1 AD.

IN: So, year 2000 will actually be your 1,999th birthday.

JC:
Well, not exactly. The monk who came up with your calendar used
a calculation process called Pentiumnus Calculus to get the
starting date. It was close but 5 years off so my human nature
is going to be 2,005 years old in the year 2000.

IN:
So I guess the whole Y2K problem isn't your fault after all since
you were actually born in 5 BC?

JC: 6 BC. Remember to skip year "0".

IN:
Ah, yes, sorry. Happy belated birthday, by the way.
So, what's in store for the world when the big Y2K hits?

JC:
I'm sorry, but I'm not supposed to talk about that. My Father
made me promise not to divulge any future events.

IN:
Do you think the monk foresaw that we would invent computers
just in time for the year 2000 to be a problem?

JC:
Perhaps you should interview him. Go easy on him, though. If he had
done his calculations right, you'd all be...oops. Almost let that slip.

IN: So, umm, I understand you have a book to plug.

JC:
Actually, the Bible has been out for quite a while. I won't ask
people to go out and buy a copy since pretty much everyone has one.

IN: And this is Internet News, signing off.

There was this blonde who was driving late at night when a police man noticed that she was going from one side of the road to the other and would not stop! So then he finally pulled her over and asked her why was she going from one side of the road to the other, she said "Im trying not to hit the trees." The police man said, "im sorry lady but there are no trees for miles down the road." he said, "Its your air freshner!"

LOL

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus.
He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the
whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples
it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again,
"Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so
I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes
a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and
locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes,
"Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

L O L @ taurec!

Ouch, that's scary LOL

Rudy had a pet elephant. He had raised it from a calf and was very attached to it. Now that it was grown the feeding costs were threatening to send him to the poor house. A second job was not enough to cover the costs of a pet elephant. He was afraid he was going to have to give up his beloved pet, then a money making scheme came to him.
He had seen elephants raise one leg in the air. He had seen elephants raise two feet. At the circus he had even seen one stand on one leg and raise three feet in the air…but he had never seen an elephant with all four feet in the air at the same time.
So Rudy would offer $10,000 to anybody that could get his elephant to raise all four feet in the air…but it would cost $100 to try.
He put up posters locally; he advertised in the newspapers, he went on-line and advertised there.
The word was spread. People started showing up from far and wide. They tried everything. They tried levitation. They tried meditation. They tried begging. They tried bribing. People came…people failed.
Things were going well for Rudy. His elephant was eating well.
Then one day a little blue car pulled up. Out stepped a little old man. He asked Rudy, “you will give me $10,000 if I can get your elephant to raise all four feet at the same time?” Rudy answered,” Yes, it will cost you $100 to try.”
The man gave Rudy a new $100 bill. He walked to his car and took out the tire iron. He walked to the elephant and stared into its eyes for several minutes without saying a word. He started to walk around the elephant. When he was directly behind it he hauled off and whacked its balls hard as he could with the iron.
The elephant let out a scream and leapt into the air, all four of his feet in the air. The little man collected his money and drove off in his little blue car.
Now Rudy had little of his scheme money left and his elephant was still eating. He was to the point of having to give up his pet again. Then it came to him. He had seen elephants move their heads up and down, but he had never seen one move its head from side to side. So again he advertised. $10,000 if you could get his elephant to move his head from side to side. It would cost $100 to try.
Again people started coming. Again all failed.
Rudy was doing well and his elephant not wanting for food.
Then one day up drove the little blue car. Out stepped the little old man. He walked up to Rudy and handed him a new $100 bill. He opened his trunk and took out the tire iron. He walked up to the elephant and starred into its eyes for a minute or two. The he spoke, “do you remember me?” The elephant nodded his head up and down. “Do you want me to do it again?”
Quickly, the elephant shook his head, side to side.

Michael Jackson needs your help!

Escape from Neverland on-line game.

You are Michael Jackson - you need to capture the kids before they escape and tell authorities.

Its a on-line game - requires Flash. Check it out - kind of cheesy, but interesting.

BBW (BIG BAD WOLF)

The story of a young girl from a small town,who went to Hollywood to be an actress. After finding no success elsewhere in show business,she fell in with a bad crowd and was persuaded to perform is some adult movies.Her short career ended in a fit of rage when she discovered that there was no film in the camera...

Think about this:
A. The number of physicians in the US is 700,000.
B. Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year is 120,000.
C. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.
(US Dept. of Health & Human Services)

Then think about this:
A. The number of gun owners in the US is 80,000,000.
B. The number of accidental gun deaths per year is 1,500.
C. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner 0.0000188.

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.
We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand.
As a public health measure, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical attention.

lmao, i'll never go to the doc again.

Two guys are moving about in a Wal-Mart when their carts collide. One says to the other, "Excuse me, but I'm looking for my wife."

"What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate."

"Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"

"She's tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm b^^bs, and a tight @ss. What's your wife look like?"

"Never mind, let's look for yours."

Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able to take time off.
But there had to be a way........ One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head. "I know how to get some time off work" the man whispered.

"How?" hissed the blonde at the next workstation.

Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his Director. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling tiles and hoisted himself up. "Look!" he hissed, then swinging his legs over a metal pipe, hung upside down.

Within seconds, the Director emerged from the Branch Head's office at the far end of the floor. He saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.

"I'm a light bulb," answered the public servant.

"I think you need some time off," barked the Director. "Get out of here - that's an order - and I don't want to see you back here for at least another two days! You understand me?"

"Yes sir" the public servant answered meekly, then jumped down, logged off his computer and left.

The blonde was hot on his heels.

"Where do you think you're going?" the boss asked.

"Home," she said lightly. "I can't work in the dark."

Who is afraid of Mad Cow Desease? Well, here is how you can tell if you cow has it..http://www.jasbits.com/rik/humor/madcow.html

Ha ha ha ha Summertop.. that had me in stitches! lmao!!!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed, having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored, and the Future is in deep s***."

1. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.

2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.

3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

4. Two words: Chicken suit.

5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.

6. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.

7. Laugh a lot. A whole lot.

8. Stop at the green lights.

9. Go at the red ones.

10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

11. Eat food that requires silverware.

12. Pass cars, then drive very slowly.

13. Sing without having the radio on.

14. Honk frequently without motivation.

15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.

16. Ask people for Grey Poupon.

17. Let pedestrians know who's boss.

18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.

19. Restart your car at every stop light.

20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.

21. Have at least 5 cats in your car.

 
Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in Logan out on a farm up in the hills.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.
 
Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate."
So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it."
The young'n tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole.."
Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree.
All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite .... shooting the outhouse into the air.
BOOM!  Off goes the second stick of dynamite ... spreading poop all over the farm.
WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.....
Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Ma, are you all right??!!"
As she pulls up her panties she says..."Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen