View it here

Glad it didn't morph into something else.

Lol. ;-)

OMG how cute.lol

LOL

People do the strangest things! Here's a few blunders, snafus and bungles from around the world which amply illustrates Murphy's Law. But consider this: don't laugh too hard, it could be you next!
If anything can go wrong, it will - Murphy's Law

A plane load of passengers flying from Manchester to London (UK) with British Airways got an unexpected bargain. The cabin crew on the walk-on shuttle forgot to collect the fares, and B.A. lost £5265 worth of tickets. By the time the mistake had been realised, the 130 passengers had left the airport.

When people complained about an overgrown garden in Akron, Ohio, USA, the council sent men to cut down the weeds. This proved to be a mistake as the householder, a vegetarian, had been growing the weeds as food. A judge later awarded him $1000 compensation, at the council's expense.

In Mozambique some workers, who were building an extension to a hospital, knocked a hole in a wall. They discovered a £50,000 fully-equipped maternity ward which had been walled up by accident and forgetten about by the hospital authorities.

During the Peruvian Air Force Week in 1975, 30 fighter planes took part in a demonstration of their prowess. Fourteen old fishing boats had been towed out to sea for targets. The boats were bombed and straffed for the next 15 minutes. However, to the amazement of the crowd, and the embarrassment of the officials, at the end of the display, not one boat had been hit.

The novelist, John Buchan, was proud to be presented to King George V in 1935. He was even prouder when, during a later conversation, the King mentioned how much he enjoyed Buchan's books, particularly 'The 39 Steps'. Later when Queen Mary was talking to the novelist, she said, "The King does not get much time for reading, but when he does he reads the most awful rubbish".

Nancy Reagan, wife of the American President Ronald Reagan, thought she had every detail down for a visit by the Queen of England to the White House. Every detail but one that is. As the Queen and the President moved on to the dance floor, the orchestra played, "The Lady Is A Tramp".

Can you explain the punchline to me because I'm not a blonde, but I am slow at these things!:)

1-post it through ur neighbours door at 2am in the morning shouting out "ITS CHRRRIIISSSSTTTMMAAASSSSSSS" ALSO IF U WAIT TILL MARCH IT WILL BE FUNNIER

2- TIE UP A LOCAL MP PUT HIM ON THE TREE AND SET FIRE TO HIM.....

3-SIT THERE PLAYING SHE LOVES ME SHE LOVES ME NOT WITH THE LEAVES IT'LL HELP PASS THE TIME BETWEEN EACH MEDICATION DOSE

4-GRIND IT DOWN AND FEED IT TO UR DOG

5-SPRAY IT ORANGE WITH BLUE SPOTS SELL IT FOR £1 MILLION and WIN THE TURNER PRIZE

6-GRIND IT DOWN AND SELL IT TO A VEGETARIAN AS A NEW TYPE OF SALAD

7-SEE HOW MANY TOOTHPICKS U CAN MAKE FROM IT

8-PLANT IT IN YOUR NEIGHBOURS GARDEN!!!RIGHT BY THE DOOR SO THEY CANT GET OUT

9-GIVE IT TO UR GIRLFRIEND AS A VALENTINES GIFT

10- CARVE AN ELABORATE SANTA TRAP FROM IT AND CATCH THE JOLLY RED MAN IN A SNARE THEN SHOOT HIM AND SELL HIS CARCASS TO MCDONALDS .

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes.
They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the centre is a beautifully framed children's jigsaw puzzle.
When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes,
"What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture explains,
"Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.
The side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

On the way to a business trip, a man sees a car down the road that was swirving every two seconds.
" wonder if they are okay," he says, nd he calls the police. The police get there and pull the car over. A blonde walks out of the car, and the oficer asks her, Is ter a problem miss?", and the blonde replies, "I was trying to avoid the trees,". The officer said, "Ma'am, that's your air freshnr!"

The punch line is she one a Bagel......Winabago

That's Odd




And you thought odd things only happened to you? Here's some really odd stuff from all over the place. In some cases it really does make you wonder whether the inmates have taken over the asylum - you couldn't make it up - really!
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Gettin' the wind up .... Margaret Waddicor and her friend, Babs Doswell (a sprightly 75 year old) went kite flying at Stoney Cross, in the New Forest, in England. Everything was going fine and their 6 foot stunt kite (bought the day before) was flying very well - too well in fact. a Sudden gust of wind tore the control from Miss Doswell's grip and the pair could do nothing other than look upward helplessly as the kite took off with a mind of its own.
Very disappointed, the pair made their way home to Colehill, 16 miles away. When they arrived they discovered that they had been beaten to it. Lodged firmly in a neighbours tree, awaiting their arrival, was the errant kite. It was a mystery as to how the kite had missed electricity pylons and a whole countryside full of other trees on its journey. Needless to say the pair were over the moon, which, for all anyone knows, was where the kite had been!


Troglodytes of the world unite .... When Mr. and Mrs Baker wanted to build an extension to their cottage in Staffordshire, UK, there was a problem. An ancient right of way ran just where the extension was going, and the local by-laws said it had to remain open. Their solution? Build a 40 foot long paved tunnel under the cottage with automatic lights for those evening ramblers.
The UK Ramblers Association is more than pleased with the arrangement. "We have never heard of a project like this before", said the RA's deputy Director. As for the Bakers, the previously derelict cottage, bought at auction for £28,000 ($46,000) is now worth some £175,000 ($300,000).


Officialdom States-side ....
In one year the Pentagon can expect to be successfully hacked 161,000 times.
The Pentagon has also managed to 'loose' all but 36 of the 200 pages of the official record of the gulf War.
The CIA failed to predict the breakup of the USSR despite a budget of $2 billion a year spent monitoring the former Soviet Union.
The FBI spent years filming a CIA agent making regular visits to the former Soviet embassy with bulging files in his possession, and exiting empty handed. Despite knowing the CIA were hunting a mole in their organisation, the FBI never quite put two and two together.
The Los Angeles County Sheriff's Dept. recently released 23 prisoners, some of them dangerous, by mistake. The excuse - a clerical error!
And finally. Milwaukee Sheriff's Deputies, training dogs to sniff out explosives at the airport, hid a packet of the stuff which the dogs failed to find. Unfortunately they forgot where they'd hidden it and so the explosive is still waiting to be unearthed. This was the second time they mis-laid explosives at the airport.

Chinese translations of some popular film titles ....
"The Full Monty" - Six Stripped Warriors
"As Good As It Gets" - Mr. Cat Poop
"The English Patient" - Do Not Ask Me Who I Am, Ever
"Face Off" - Two Heroes Stealing Each Others Faces
Snappy eh?.

God on the brain ....Recent advances in brain mapping at the University of California have discovered an area near the temporal lobe which when stimulated produces intenses feelings of spiritual transcendence. An interesting thought is that, if God exists, it's not unreasonable to think he might have in-built a biological mechanism for us to comprehend him.

A vacuum between the ears ....A PhD student from the laboratory of Musical Acoustics in Paris has identified what makes the sound of a vacuum cleaner intolerable or acceptable. She recorded 26 vacuum cleaners and played the results to 56 volunteers. Her findings? That loud vacuum cleaners are less popular than quiet ones..

Squishy or what ....Each August, the Spanish town of Buñol in Valencia celebrates in Tomatina festival. The 2 hour festival, which dates form 1945, involves residents and tourists throwing more than 100 tons of tomatoes at each other, until everyone in the town's plaza is ankle deep in tomato puree.

The bathing season .... In Japan holidays are often taken for the express purpose of having a bath. At natural hot springs resorts (onsen) washing is a serious business invloving vigorous scrub-downs before a long soak in the onsen. Between April 1996 and march 1997 143 million people visited the spa town inns; Japan's population is 125 million.

Give me a ring .... European tourist centres, concerned about crime against foreign visitors, note that tourists themselves are not always entirely innocent. A recurrent theme in local newspapers is of tourists stealing bells from the cows.
And the rest ....


From the Cape Cod Chronicle - "The Rose Book Shop is looking for artists to expose themselves on the walls of the shop"..

A sign by the car park of a Glasgow shopping centre, "Parking for one million cars - 750 at a time".


A selection of wise sayings from the airline pilot's magazine, "The Log":

Don't believe in miracles - rely on them
A bird in the hand is safer than one in the engine
If you explain it so clearly that no-one could misunderstand, somebody will.

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

As you are all aware, the airline industry in which we work
has it's own unique set of terminology. The following are
some of the most commonly used terms and their definitions.

PASSENGER -
A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually
found in pairs or small groups. Often will become
vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified
situations. When frightened or confused these creatures
collect into a group called a "line." This "line" has
no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient
places. Passengers are of four known species:
Paxus iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus
ignoramus.

PRE-BOARD -
Passenger who arrives at the gate five minutes before
departure.

VOLUNTARY OVERSALE -
A passenger who arrives at the gate as the jetway is
coming off the flight.

NO-RECORD -
Any passenger booked through a travel agency.

NON-REVENUE POSITION -
Usually can be identified by the fact that these
passengers are in first class and are dressed in pilot or
flight attendant uniforms. Non-revenue position are
permitted to fly first class free of charge to prevent
revenue passengers from being able to pay first class
passenger charges.

GROUP -
A large loud pack of passengers (see passenger) travelling
together. The group leader, who has the tickets,
usually waits in the bar until the required pre-board
time of five minutes before departure, or until there
are no seats left together, whichever occurs last.
Reservation agents are prohibited form pre-assigning
seats to groups as this may convenience them.

SIGN -
An airport decoration. Usually unnoticed except by
small children. Its primary function is to hide the
location of various areas of the airport, i.e., gate
numbers, rest rooms, baggage claim, etc.

POSITION CLOSED -
This is a sign posted at various counter locations,
which when interpreted by the passenger says, "Form
line here."

BAGGAGE CLAIM -
The most difficult area of the airport to find. It
is usually hidden by numerous signs saying, "Baggage
Claim Area."

CARRY ON BAG -
An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow
managed to fit under the passenger's seat on the
inbound flight. Regardless of what the passenger says
the following are not acceptable as carry-on items:
bicycles, steamer trunks, refrigerators, truck tires,
or wide screen projection TVs.

FLIGHT SCHEDULE -
An entertaining work of paperback fiction.

ON-TIME -
An obscure term, meaning unknown.

FOG -
A natural weather phenomenon which usually occurs
around an airport while the surrounding areas are
clear. Fog is controlled by the airlines and is used
to delay flights.

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL -
A game played by airline pilots and air traffic
controllers. The game has no rules, and neither side
knows how it is played, but the goal is to prevent
flights from arriving in time for passengers to make
connecting flights.

TICKET AGENT -
A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding
ability of an Australian sheepdog, the E.S.P. abilities
of Uri Geller, the compassion of a psychoanalysts, and
and the tact of a diplomat. They have mysterious abilities
to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all other weather
phenomenon. They are capable of answering three
questions at one time, while talking on the phone, and
without stuttering or choking on their tongue. In later
life they start carrying on mysterious conversations
with themselves

So this guy walks into a bar...OUCH!

An Irishman walks out of a bar...

Things were not going well that Sunday...
The young minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

To further complicate things, he found out that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minuteThe substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Well, here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.

"After the choir's anthem, the minister came to the pulpit and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we face a great challenge today... The roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Now, any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.

"At precisely that moment, the quick thinking substitute organist played a stirring rendition of "The Star-Spangled Banner!"

And that is how the substitute organist became the permanent organist.

I can't make out the fine print at the bottom...

it says...




ALSO THE BRIDGE IS OUT AHEAD

It says"Also, the bridge is out ahead"

Backoff= Where is that sign(If you know)?

Cole, the fine print says:
"the bridge is also out ahead". :)

BananaD ummm, I posted it, I know what it says.....

I have no clue where that sign is.

It must be somewhere near me, Backoff! We have a roundabout here, and through the village there are loads of '30MPH' signs and speed cameras. As you approach the roundabout it has a national speed limit sign - IMMEDIATELY behind that sign is one that says 'roundabout - reduce your speed'! Exactly where do you get to do the national speed limit?! Unless you have a 1-50 in 1 second car, the sign is useless!

Oh dear...I would be the first one in the water then...Eye surgery...here I come! If I haven't drowned first...

lol@cole&harley

A tourist in Vienna goes through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music.
No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads:
"Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827."
Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony, and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.
When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
"Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously.
"He's decomposing."

thud...falls into Ludwigs grave

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number). After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" he yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some boy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot.
The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too. I dialed and someone said, "Hello?"
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1.
"Hello" "You're an asshole!" (but I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah?
Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black Beemer parked in front
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called asshole #2:
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello Asshole," I Said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew. Now, I feel better.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
...Author unknown

hahahaha.. Oh that was too kewl..

LMAO

While I was driving down the road the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed over a bridge only to see a cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know about, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
I'm a "Rectum Stretcher, "I responded.
The cop was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet." Then the cop asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot asshole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic ticket: $95.00
Court costs: $45.00

Look on cop's face ... Priceless

What do you call a Nudist Wedding?

  -- A Pubic Ceremony!

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the
words?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we
are already there?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the
unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. - Irene Peter

Always remember no matter where you go, there you are.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do.

Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. - Pardo

OMG!!

A man asked the barber “How much for a haircut?”
“$5.50.” said the barber.
“And how much for a shave?”
“$3.00 sir.”
“Very well, shave my head.”

A spokesperson for the U.S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent piece was being issued to honor two great American patriots.
On one side of the coin would be Teddy Roosevelt and on the other side, Nathan Hale.
Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the spokesman replied, "Now, when you toss a coin you can simply call.... 'Ted's or Hale's'."

Three boys were in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy said, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a poem, and they give him $50!"

The second boy said, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a song, and they give him $100."

The third boy said, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon. It takes eight people to collect all the money!"

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Henry loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up. Ernie looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell his wife?" They draw straws. Joe picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."

Joe goes over to Henry's apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants. Joe declares: "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home." "Tell him to drop dead!" says the wife. "I'll go tell him." says Joe.

<What did the blind man say when somebody handed him a matza?
>
>
>
Who wrote this nonsence!!?

 
Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking in the woods, all of
a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. 
Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and then he listened
very closely until he heard an answering,  "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" 
He
tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all
about. Was the other Indian crazy or what? "No," said the Indian. It is
our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler
'Wooooo Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back,
it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."
Just then they saw another cave. the Indian ran up to the opening of
the
cave, stopped, and hollered, Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"  Immediately,
there was an answering "Wooooo!Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the
cave. He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then
he came upon a great big cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of
the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this
cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some
really big, fine women in this cave!"
He stood in front of  the opening and hollered with all his might
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"  He grinned and closed his eyes in
anticipation, and then he heard  the answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO!
WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!"
With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face, he raced into the
cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read..... 
(Get ready this will kill ya),
 
 
 
 
 
"NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN"  

JOHN KERRY AS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

Applauding

Thank you Skyking. (taking a bow). Really though, it was low.

LOL great one baddessi

thanks- since that was well received..I'll post one more : )


BEER STUDY
Harvard medical scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a serious
look at their beer consumption. Their theory is that beer contains female hormones and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were given 8 pints of beer each to consume within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test X-Scanned:
1.) gained weight,
2.) talked excessively without making sense,
3.) became overly emotional,
4.) couldn't drive,
5.) failed to think rationally,
6.) argued over nothing,
7.) had to sit down while urinating, and
8.) refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
No further testing was considered necessary.

A fiftyish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with
delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any
idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care. I just
came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18
year-old."

The husband said, "What did he say about your 56 year old ass?"

"Your name never came up," she replied.

I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as our government underwent a peaceful transition of power in January 2001. At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism as I watched George W. Bush take his oath of office.
 
However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched William Jefferson Clinton board Air Force One for the last time. I saw 7 Marines, in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the outgoing president. It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated under Clinton. Every last one of them missed.