Genuine warnings written on military equipment and publications:

"Aim towards the Enemy."
- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
- U.S. Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate.
The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
U.S.A.F.Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
- Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least
expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
- U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
- Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
-- Col. David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush."
- Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
- Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once."
- Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
Unknown Army Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
- Unknown

(And lastly) "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
-- U.S.A. Ammo Troop

Applause:)

A Predator drone-launched Hellfire missile !!

Hey Osama, I think it’s for you !
~*~

This Land

Mad Cow Desease

dano..I'm having problems writing you.. Kammy and Purple were not on so I had chanced that Joke. Thanx for advice

LMFAO@Skyking and Dano

Did you see the Joke..Steve?

"our military" yep :o)

NO NO good you missed my last one LOL

pm it to me LOL

Cool, I like the joke :oD even my electrician just read it and is married to a Jamaican he also found it funny LMAO

i spilled spot remover on my dog. now he's gone.

1. I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.

2. I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves, I'll feel terrible and they may sue me.

3. I don't mind the dust bunnies because ... they are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

4. I don't disturb cobwebs because ... I want every creature to have a home of their own and hubby loves spiders.

5. I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.

6. I don't plant a garden because ... I don't want to get in God's way, he is an excellent designer.

7. I don't put things away because ... my husband will never be able to find them again.

8. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because .... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

9. I don't iron because ... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".

10. I don't stress much on anything because ... "A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!!

A couple went out for dinner to celibrate their 50th anniversey. On the drive home the wife looked over at her husband and saw a tear escape from his eye. She asks him,"are you getting sentimental thinking of our wonderful fifty years together?" He replies,"actually I was thinking about the time before we married." "Your father threathened me with a shotgun and said he would send me to jail for fifty years if I didn't marry you." "Tomorrow, I would be free."

some people have a fear of heights, I have a fear of widths.

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he
reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she
just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders
mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a Daddy
Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is Mommy
Longlegs?" the little girl asked. "No," her father replied. "Both of
them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then she
stomped them flat and said........ "Well, it might be okay in
California, Vermont, and New York, but we're not having any of that
crap in Texas

LOL! Brian,,Good one! 0:-D

ever heard the one about the cannibal who passed his friend in the jungle?

ewwwwwwwwwwww LOL

Patient: Doctor I have a sore throat, I ache, and have a fever.
Doctor: Sounds like some kind of virus.
Patient: Everyone in the office has it.
Doctor: Well then, maybe it’s a staff infection

maybe the one about the plastic surgeon who hung himself?

i named my dog stay. cmere stay! cmere stay.

This is the ultimate response to a Dear John letter.  You gotta love a man like this.  Humor in the face of defeat. A marine was deployed to Afghanistan.  While he was there he received a
letter from his girlfriend.  In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him AND she wanted pictures of herself back.  So the marine did what any squared away marine would do.  He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find.  He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are.  Please remove your picture and send the rest back".

Great one, Brian

LOL. I would like to shake his hand. Semper Fi

Wow, that was great!

hah - hah !!!!! Speaking of Texas....

Two Cajuns ( we'll say Pierre & Gautreaux)
were riding to Houston down I-10. ( pronounced
" GO - tro " ) All of a sudden a sign appeared
saying Texas left. So the two men turned around
and returned home.
( ok ok it is corny ..... )
Justin Wilson said that you 'Texans' got
some other names for we Cajuns....... but that's
ok cause we got some other names for u too.

cheers

LOL...I thought it was Boudreaux and Tibdeaux ; )
speaking of I-10, my husband and I were traveling down highway 90 late one night and were pulled over for speeding, when they officer told him he clocked him at 90 in a 65mph zone, knowing he was going to get the ticket anyways he told the officer"Well, all the signs say 90!!!" And the policeman looks at him and smirked and said.."Right, smart guy, and I suppose you go 10 miles per hour down I-10"...he just looked at him, grinned and said "You mean that's an "I"???? We got the ticket....... I have total respect for the law, but some of those Texas Rangers just don't have a sense of humor ; )

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple."

i got pulled over the other day for speeding. The cop says did you know the speed limit here is 70 miles per hour? I replied, "Yeah, but I didnt plan on being out that long."

Three men are in a bar, one from New York City, one from Boston and the other from Texas. The man from Texas asks for a bottle of Tequila, downs two shots and throws the bottle up in the air and shoots it. He says, 'Where I come from in Texas, we got alot of tequila." The man from New York oders a bottle of the finest wine, downs a glass, throws the bottle up in the air and shoots it and says, "In New York, we got alot of good wine". The Boston man looks at them both quietly a moment and then orders a bottle of bourbon. He drinks a shot, takes out his gun and shoots the man from New York, looks over at the Texan and says, "Where I come from, we got alot of New Yorkers and we don't waste good whiskey!"

The Policeman had stopped the man for obvious drunken driving, but since the guy had a clean record, he made him park the car and took him home in the patrol car. "Are you sure this is your house?" the cop asked as they drove into a rather fashionable neighborhood.
"Shertainly!" said the drunk, "and if you'll just open the door f'me, I can prove it to ya." Entering the living room, he said, "You shee that piano? Thash mine. You shee that giant television set? Thast mine too. Now follow me."

The police officer followed the man as he shakily negotiated the stairs to the second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door they came to. "Thish ish my bedroom," he announced. "Shee the bed there? Thast mine! Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife. An' see that guy lying next to her?

"Yeah?" the cop replied suspiciously. Beginning at this point to seriously doubt the man's story.

"Well, thash me!"

two termites walk into a bar. they sit down at the bar and inquire, "is the bartender here?"

two termites walk into a bar. they sit down at the bar and inquire, "is the bartender here?"

Chutzpah!
Minneapolis firefighter Gerald Brown, 55, who was fired in 1995 for abuse of sick leave, but who won a contentious grievance hearing and was reinstated with 18 months' back pay, was scheduled to return to work on June 2, 1997. When that day arrived, he called in sick. [Star Tribune, 6-7-97]

A husband walks into Frederick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer
lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from
$250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for
the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home. He
presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model
it for him. Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer
that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, do the modeling
naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself." So she
appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, "Good
Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!" He never
heard the SHOT, Funeral services are pending.........

That joke is hilarious Brian!

With all the natural disasters, wars and conflicts going on in the world, why would certain people choose to argue, fight and down others on a site that is supposed to bring fun and enjoyment to people. I hear enough garbage in the world, let alone having to read it in fellowship messages and discussion boards. I overlook most of it but then, once in awhile, like now, I have to speak my mind. They should grow up, go to the gym and punch bags to get rid of their hostility and leave this site alone to what is supposed to be. It is a game site for fun and enjoyment and that should be it. Fellowship messages and discussion boards should be kind, considerate, educational and not a sounding board for petty differences that are blown out of proportion. Now I have said my piece and back to my games.

Oh.. I get it now. You spamming all the boards is a cool joke! Not sure if I understand it, but cool anyway.... :-)

Big Bad Wolf, I am sorry and it will not happen again. I thought maybe my opinion about peace and love to all was worth something and wanted everyone to see it. I shall watch my etiquette more carefully from now on and maybe keep my opinions to myself. Did not mean to start anything. I thought it might help; instead it is causing more problems. Oh well, live and learn something new each day. Thank you for taking the time to give me your message.

NOW can somebody give me something to laugh at please - for that is why I'm here :o)

the biggest joke is how cheap membership is.
Get one and you will see that the cost is so small it is laughable :)

On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After
dismounting he walked behind his horse, lifted it's tail and kissed it where
the sun don't shine.
An old man rocking by the general store witnessed the whole thing.
"Whudd'ya do that fer?" he asked.
"Got chapped lips," the cowboy replied.
The old man asked, "Does that help?"
The cowboy said, "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

As a volunteer at the local hospital, a man sang songs and told jokes to entertain the patients.
One day as he was leaving, the man said to a patient "I hope you get better.
The patient replied "I hope you get better, too

52, then 58, then 66 - and now i'm stopping because I have other things to do then mess with this drunk! :-)

I saw that link somwhere else too. I have screenshots of me going like 104. I have lots of pratice at it though (in real life) lol

Here's a link BTW

Make it 76.

I got 78 LOL Have you been doing it for the last hour to get further ? LMAO