1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two
dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says,
"I'm sorry,
Gentlemen. Only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One
went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in
the cotton
fields and never amounted to much. The second one,
naturally, became
known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. There were two Eskimos sitting in a kayak. They
were cold so they
lit a fire, and the craft sank. It only proved, once
again, that you
can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old
West. He slides
up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man
who shot my
paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root
canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the
office and asked
them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they
moved
off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
boasting in an
open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The
other goes to a
family in Spain and they name him "Juan." Years later,
Juan sends a
picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving
the picture,
she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a
picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've
seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments,
so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone
liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across
town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good brothers to
close down,
but they would not. He went back and begged the
friars to close.
They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade"
them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back
if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
thereby
proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist
friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also
ate very little, which made him rather frail and with
his odd diet,
he suffered from bad breath. This made him... what?
Answer: A super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns
would make them
laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.