A jockey and his horse are in the starting blocks at Flemmington pumped up on nervous energy, ready to run the big one, then, the starter sounds and they're off!

As the jockey takes a small lead he's hit in the shoulder with some fruit mince pies, then some chocolates, next came some crackers and then some antipasto mix, finally, just as he was nearing the finish line, a bottle of bubbly hits him in the head and he's pipped at the post.

After he comes to and realises what has happened he storms off to speak with the steward...

"Sir" he says, "Sir. I must protest! I have been severely HAMPERED!"