Dear Mrs. ...Redfrog,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us,
unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the
past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.

1. November 24: Took 24 boxes of chocolate and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. November 24: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off
at 5-minute intervals.

3. November 27: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
rest rooms.

4. November 27: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3" in housewares...and watched what happened.

5. December 7: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
lay-away.

6. December 7: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. December 10: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. December 13: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and
asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. December 16: Looked right into the security camera; used it as
a mirror, then kissed the lens.

10. December 16: While handling guns in the hunting department asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 17: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 19: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. December 19: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker he assumes
the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!

And; last, but not least!

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"