Because I'm a man,
when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long
after hypothermia has set in.
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Because I'm a man,
when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the
engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us
will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with
all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start." We
will then drink beer.
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Because I'm a man,
when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me
while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do,
so for you this isn't a problem.
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Because I'm a man,
I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or
bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For
all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances,
expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a
euphemism.
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Because I'm a man,
when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart,
despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair
person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man,
I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If
the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it
(although one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
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Because I'm a man,
I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and
ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the
hell could he know where we're going?
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Because I'm a man,
there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always
either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man,
I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or
talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to.
Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And
don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man,
you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying
at the end of it, I didn't.
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Because I'm a man,
I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five
minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or
without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?
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Because I'm a man,
and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share equally in the
housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
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This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the
Male