There's just no end of geniuses coming up with newer and
better ways of removing themselves from the gene pool.

The 20ths Century Darwin Awards
They have finally been released !

For those not familiar with the Darwin Award - It's an annual
honor given to the person who did the universal human
gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in
the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this
year has been keen again. Some candidates appear to have
trained their whole lives for this event.

The Darwin Awards Nominees


1.
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and
drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

2.
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged
off a 200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

3.
Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole
he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it.
Beachgoers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or
protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach
chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach,
on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying
to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA,
but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using
heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about
200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

4.
In Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as
he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop
he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight
he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into
the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

5.
According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena,
20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman,
23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate
the flak vest Berrena was wearing.

6.
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del.,
as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

7.
According to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27, and
Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning
a tie in the game of chicken they were playing
with their snowmobiles.

8.
A 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff near Ozark,
Ark., after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that marked
the spot where another person had fallen to his death in 1990.

9.
AUGUSTA, ME - Four people were injured in a string of bizarre
accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused
by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case
of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and face,
Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick's
first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off.
Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first
day of work and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed
her breasts at him. "I'm still not sure why I did it," she said
later. "I was really close to the car, so I didn't think anyone
would see. Besides, it couldn't have been for more than two
seconds." However, cab driver Vegas did see, and lost control
of his cab, running over the curb and into the corner of the
Johnson Medical Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental technician,
was cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cab against
the building made her jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with
a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit down, severing two fingers
from Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was caused by a falling
piece of the medical building.

10.
TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after
eating three birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so
bad she had to draw a picture describing how she believed she
had poisoned herself. A translator arrived shortly thereafter
and confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie Valishnokov thought
the inserts were some kind of candy or gum, being unable to
read the foil wrappers. After the third one, she realized
something was wrong when her throat and mouth began to fill
with a sour-tasting foam. She ran for the Poison Control Center,
only a few blocks away where doctors were able to flush the foam
from her mouth, throat, and stomach with no ill effects.

11.
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several
friends when one of them said they knew a person who had
bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle
of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m.
Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered
that no one had brought bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of cable had
been left near the railing. Bingham's leg and the other end was
tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by
two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that
God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it."
Bingham's foot was never located.

12.
On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man tried to commit
a robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested
by the fact that he had no previous record of violent crime,
and by his terminally stupid choices as listed below:

1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop;
2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a
substantial portion of the adult population is licensed
to carry concealed handguns in public places;
3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked
Police patrol car parked at the front door;
4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter,
having coffee before reporting to duty. Upon seeing the
officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and
fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly
returned fire, removing him from the gene pool. Several
other customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire.
No one else was hurt.

13.
In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he
decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top a tall cliff and
tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the
rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to
his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment.
He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him completely
and cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of
hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished
the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out
of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to hospital, where
he died - of hypothermia.

DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
(1) In Guthrie, Okla., Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio
Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull. (2) In Elyria, Ohio, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor
of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the
first and second floors of his house.
(3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township,
NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of
dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around
at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it
out the window to see what would happen, but they apparently
failed to notice that the window was closed. (4) Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far:
In Betulia, Colombia, an annual festival in November includes
five days of amateur bullfighting. This year, no bull was killed,
but dozens of matadors were injured, including
one gored in the
head and one Bobbittized. Said one articipant, "It's just one
bull against [a town of] a thousand Morons."

And Our ALLTIME Favorite

Japan Times-April 16, 1997
"The government must crack down on this disgusting craze
of 'Pumping'", a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima Hospital
told reporters. "If this perversion catches on, it will destroy
the cream of Thailand's manhood." He was speaking after the
remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak had been rushed
into the hospital's emergency room. "Most 'Pumpers' use
a standard bicycle pump," he explained, "inserting the
nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves rush of air,
creating a momentary high. This act is a sin against God."
Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder
foot pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him,
and he boasted to friends that he was going to try the compressed
air hose at a nearby gasoline station. They dared him to do
it so, under cover of darkness, he snuck in. Not realizing how
powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube deep into his rectum,
and placed a coin in the slot. As a result, he died virtually instantly,
but passers-by are still in shock. One woman thought she was watching
a twilight fireworks display, and started clapping. "We still haven't
located all of him", say the police authorities. "When that
quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he nearly exploded.
It was like an atom bomb went off or something."
"Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to Satan,"
Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by all means, but then
hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you."