Farming is just a ball
To change pumpkins into squash
Simply let them fall.

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We were painting the church steeple grey,
When the wind blew our brushes away.
We said to the pastor,
"We've had a disaster!"
He calmly replied, "Let us spray."

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Mark Twain sat on the train next to a gloom-and-doomer who said, "Do you realize that every time I take a breath, 10,000 people on this planet die?" Twain replied, "Hmmm...ever try cloves?"

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Diane buys a hundred goldfish. There are so many of them that she decides to keep them in her bathtub. One day she invites her friend over to see all her beautiful goldfish. Lauren is impressed, and remarks, "They surely are beautiful, but what do you do when you want to take a bath?" Diane replies, "Simple. I just blindfold them."