*
Applying for Darwin Awards (Thanks, Feuervogel)
*


ONE:
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6,
9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen
nuggets", said the teenager at the counter. "You don't ?" I replied. "We only have six,
nine, or twelve", was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six ?"
"That's right". So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO:
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items And the lady behind me put
her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the
cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider looking it all over for the bar code so
she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is ?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today". She said OK, and
I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE:
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy Drive and pulling it out very
quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing,she said she was shopping on the Internet
and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.

FOUR:
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help ?"
I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker.
Now I can't get into my car". "Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store)
would have a battery to fit this ?" "Hmmm, I dunno." "Do you have an alarm, too ?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took
the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and
check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE:
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and
turned to a secretary and said, I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do ? Just use copier
machine paper, the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank
piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

SIX:
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage.
The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked
like an extra in Twister. I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver
had set the cruise control and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN:
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank.
Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night
he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: I've got
smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown ?

EIGHT:
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and
connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message He's lying was placed in
the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't
telling the truth. Believing the lie detector was working, the suspect confessed.

NINE:
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the
emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some
Benadryl and should be fine. The mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer ..."
Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency !