Headlines from the year 2029!

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the
seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as
California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
Mexifornia's third language.

Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least
10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and
reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to
weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lb..

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast
shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. ( I
just sent it. I didn't write it!)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil
rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with
congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.