Dear Spike, I have been unable to sleep since I forced my daughter to break off her engagement to you. I am ashamed of myself. I don't quite know where to begin this letter of apology. It is my sincere hope that you will bring yourself to forgive and forget what has passed between us in recent months. I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk haircut, tattoos, and nose piercings. I now realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous. I really should not have reacted the way I did to the fact that you are 24 years of age and have never held a job.I am sure, too, that some other very nice people live under the bridge in the park. Sure, my daughter is only 17 and wants to marry you instead of going to Harvard on a Fulbright scholarship. After all, you can't learn everything about life from books. I sometimes forget how backward I can be. I was wrong. I was a fool. I have now come to my senses. You now have my full blessings to marry my daughter. Sincerely,Your future father-in-law.

P.S. Congratulations on winning the Powerball Lottery.