Why God made moms" answers given by elementary school age children to the
following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.


How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the
world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use
string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on
beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to
chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof
ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms works at work & works at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause
that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic. They make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of
plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of
that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it
and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.

THE MOMMY TEST

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off
the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her
and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked. Because it's been laying outside, you don't know
where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this
point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How
do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy
Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked
along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this
new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be
the daddy."
"Exactly" I replied back...

Larry was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in
the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds* AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Larry got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift - wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe
and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Larry has been missing since Friday.