How Come
...


It's not the falling that hurts... it's the hitting the ground!
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went
nuts!
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that
considered a hostage situation?
Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges did not live there.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone.
I said, "The whole time."
So what's the speed of dark?
you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been
dis-ing them anyhow?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the
water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are
furious!
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special
Olympics?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
The other day I went to a tourist information booth and said:
"Tell me about some of the tourists who were here last year."
All trees are male, yup they’re all hard and woody.
Oh yes, math is REAL interesting. What's so interesting about x? Why is it
x you always x you have to find? Why find a letter? Can't we find a
number for once? "Find the letter value of 13" instead of "Find the number
value of x."
PE is fun. No really! It’s fun getting pushed, shoved, beat up, scraped.
Well, nobody’s perfect.
I’m great in English. Gee I can't even spell FUTUR! Futcher. Fucher.
Futer. Hell, after now. (for the idiots who really don't know it’s
future)
The purpose of beds are not to sleep on. No it’s to cram all the stuff you
can under them. Sleeping on them is only a coincidence.
If people truly believe in God, why don’t they believe "the way God made us"
is nude?
What's the point of parents? All they ever do is yell at you and hit you
and scream that it’s not right to light the cat on fire?
Yup, teachers are cruel that way. But you shouldn’t hit, tug, kick, bite,
tap, or throw spit-balls at the teachers. Do it to the person in front of
you.
What’s the point of teachers if they know less than you?
Cows should be the cleanest animals on earth. Well, soap does come from
them.
Man invented the wheel after many unsuccessful tries with a pizza.
Only the idiot likes school.
Sure science if fun. What's so fun about rocks again?
The way I live: stay up till midnight, sleep until noon.
Test: Stress maker
Stress: can kill you.
Tests can kill you
The best way to see a shark: swim out to ocean and cut yourself.
The best way to get attacked by a shark: swim out to ocean and cut yourself.
The best way to tease a shark: go on to a dock, cut yourself, and bleed into
the water.
Never hand catch a piranha!
How was I supposed to know gasoline didn’t put out fires?
The only person you can complain to, that cares, is yourself.
Now, did a car run over your cat or did a cat run under your car?
Oh, well same thing.
Would it be ununderstandable, or derstandable? I think it would be
derstandable, don’t you?
Never sneak up behind a female Mountain Lion and her cubs while they are
sleeping, and yell as loud as you can "BOO!!!!!!" Poor, poor Ryan, if only
he’d known.
If it’s snowing out, don’t strip, then go outside.
"Make it a great day or not, the choice is yours." said the P.A. system. I
grabed a desk and hurled it at the speaker, yelling wildly. You see I’ve
had to live with these for the past few months. I just, just lost it.
A conscious bear is not a toy.
"If you put a microphone to your ear you can hear yourself hear," said the
babbling idiot.
Tell someone your cats a small dog and get them to bathe it for you.
If your a dog and you hear someone say they are good with animals and he
goes to pet you, I think a good joke, is to bite him.
Weekends are bad. Why? Well they always turn into Mondays!