Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting
and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,"Lord take pity
on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the
rest of me life and give
up Irish Whiskey"

Miraculously, a parking
place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found
one."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Father Murphy walks into a
pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to
heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand
over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do
you want to go to heaven?"

Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then
stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy
walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?

O'Toole
said, "No, I don't Father.

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You
mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to
heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a
trip together to go right
now."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paddy was in New York He was
patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The
cop stopped the
flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians".

Then
he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still
stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the
tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let
the
Catholics
across?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gallagher opened the
morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had
died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.

Did you see the paper?"
asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney.
"Where are ye callin' from?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An
Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in
Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
priest's breath and then
sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have
you been drinking?

Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says,
"Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it
again!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking into the bar, Mike
said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight
with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one
end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and
knees.

"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she
say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little
chicken."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~