Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet News
has obtained an EXCLUSIVE interview with the one person most
to blame for the situation.

Internet News:
We have as our guest today the man whose birthday is the cause of the
Y2K predicament, Jesus Christ. What do you have to say for yourself, Jesus?

Jesus Christ:
First, let me say that I was terribly flattered to have my
birthday turned into the starting date for your calendar.

IN:
But isn't it true that your birthday was already being celebrated
on December 25th? How is it that our calendar dates from your
birthday but January 1st was chosen?

JC:
Oh, just a fluke, really. Neither date is correct. It always
struck me as funny that, December 25th or January 1st, you choose to
celebrate it in the middle of winter. I mean, the shepherds weren't
exactly "keeping watch over their flocks by night" in the
open fields during winter, were they?

IN:
No, I guess they weren't. So, when exactly were you born?

JC: December 28th.

IN: But...

JC:
Just kidding. If I told you when I was really born, you would
just make another holiday out of it and I think that two
birthdays a year are more than enough.

IN:
But it will be 2,000 years from the year you were born, right?

JC:
That's another thing. There is no year "0" partly because the
ancients had no concept of it mathematic-ally but mostly because
of all the arguments about whether it would be 0 AD or 0 BC.
It became sort of a Y-zero-K situation, so they decided to
skip it altogether. One year after 1 BC became 1 AD.

IN: So, year 2000 will actually be your 1,999th birthday.

JC:
Well, not exactly. The monk who came up with your calendar used
a calculation process called Pentiumnus Calculus to get the
starting date. It was close but 5 years off so my human nature
is going to be 2,005 years old in the year 2000.

IN:
So I guess the whole Y2K problem isn't your fault after all since
you were actually born in 5 BC?

JC: 6 BC. Remember to skip year "0".

IN:
Ah, yes, sorry. Happy belated birthday, by the way.
So, what's in store for the world when the big Y2K hits?

JC:
I'm sorry, but I'm not supposed to talk about that. My Father
made me promise not to divulge any future events.

IN:
Do you think the monk foresaw that we would invent computers
just in time for the year 2000 to be a problem?

JC:
Perhaps you should interview him. Go easy on him, though. If he had
done his calculations right, you'd all be...oops. Almost let that slip.

IN: So, umm, I understand you have a book to plug.

JC:
Actually, the Bible has been out for quite a while. I won't ask
people to go out and buy a copy since pretty much everyone has one.

IN: And this is Internet News, signing off.