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People keep telling me that I must forget the past. As it is I keep forgetting to forget the past. Is my memory going on me or is there really nothing to worry about. I thank you for your response(s)in advance.
JackS: It is great and truly wonderful to see that the pope is becoming progressive in this area, as he should be. However, because the French word "habit" means "suit" as in "Suit and tie" in English, Hopefully the pope will write out his newly established permission in such a way that the French speaking preists will not feel excluded and made to feel that THEY must continue to abstain from kissing nuns.
I have done this often. The results are amazing if you succeed. You casually walk up to some guy you know who has more confidence than you feel he deserves. You look around casually as if thinking about something (which you aren't) you do this for a little bit while the guy is absorbed in whatever. Than you react as if surprised as if you noticed something about his fly in his pants being open. (Don't overdo the act!)Than in a way that is best for you.....NOT SOMEBODY ELSE.... tell him that his fly is CLOSED. (in the same way you would if you were telling him that his fly IS actually OPEN. If distracted enough he WILL attempt to CLOSE his fly only to be dumbfounded to see that it is closed. So now just relax and watch as he deals with this perplexing issue until he realises that YOU DID TELL HIM THAT "HIS FLY IS CLOSED" Than wait to see how he deals with this info! I have seen such confident guys become speachless and flustered so fast that I can truely say that it is COOL to watch and observe. But I always go after the guys who have some superior edge over me, a boss for example or a "class clown" who always gets the last word, etcetra. Thanks for reading my post!
This was my grandfather's favourite tale on old people with set habits:
Two old men were sitting on a park bench (a la Aqualung?) one morning. One said to the other, "You know, habits are so difficult to break at our age. For instance, it's become my habit to go home after the morning walk and have a cold beer, whether there's some at home or not."
The second man was most intrigued; "How can you have a beer if there's none at home?"
Said the first old man forlornly, "That's what I was talking about - (sigh) habit!'
The older you are the funnier it gets........... This is a story of two elderly people living in a mobile home park in Florida. He was a widower and she was a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the Club House, and the widower and widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening and spirits were high. The widower sent a few admiring glances across the table, and the widow smiled coyly back at him. Finally, he plucked up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes. Yes, I will. "
The meal ended with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective homes. The next morning, the widower was troubled. Did she say 'Yes', or did she say 'No'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him he could not recall her response.
With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" "Why, you silly man, I said 'Yes. Yes I will.' And I meant it with all my heart. "The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued, "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me." |
Wal-Mart announced on January 3, 2006, that it will begin offering customers a new discount item - WALMART's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $1- $3 range. Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for inexpensive wine," said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at University of Arkansas, Bentonville. She said: "But the right name is important." Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were: 10. Chateau Traileur Parc 9. White Trashfindel 8. Big Red Gulp 7. World Championship Riesling 6. NASCARbernet 5. Chef Boyardeaux 4. Peanut Noir 3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar! 2. Grape Expectations 1. Nasti Spumante The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).
modifié par WILD TURKEY (19. Juillet 2006, 02:37:53)
mook53lhd: Thanks! I'm going to e-mail them to a friend who had trouble with her roomates in colleges last year! Maybe she can use a few of these this semester? I can see her doing some of these!
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."
9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern. 8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "The hair, it's growing. Growing!"
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.
2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."
Many years ago I read a poem in which the (anonymous) poet hankered for the "Good Old Days" when 'gay' meant happy or joyful and 'grass' was something cows ate and 'pot' was what you used to cook with and so on. Have anyone read that poem? I would like to read it again, but I can't find it!
There are three men who are working at a Construction Site an American, an Italan, and an Mexican.
It's there lunchbreak and they open there lunchboxes, the Mexican opens his agh a pizza if I get a pizza one more time I'll kill myself, the Italan opens his agh a salad if I get a salad one more time I'll kill myself, and then the American opens his agh a sandwhich if I get a sandwhich one more time I'll kill myself.
the next day at lunch: the Mexican opens his lunch agh a pizza: and he jumps off the building then his wife says: oh if only he told me not to make pizza the Italan opens his agh a salad: and he jumps off the building then his wife says: oh if only he told me not to make salad then the American opens his lunch agh a sandwhich: and he jumps off the building then his wife says: don't look at me he makes his own lunch
While still president, Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row with the Secret Service people directly behind them.
One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.
At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "no." The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."
Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it! Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hilly, baby."
With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.
She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you "!^$#@&!". The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting and , and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd.
He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"
Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.
The agent replies, "Sir, I said they want you to throw out the first Pitch."
- What's your favorite chicken? Fried Barbequed Broiled Rubber - Why did the pigs cross the road with their laundry? They wanted to do their hogwash snork snork snork - Why did the one-handed chicken cross the road? To get to the secondhand shop. - Why did the rabbit cross the road? to get to the hopping mall. - Why did the wasp cross the road? It needed to go to the waspital - How do you keep a dog from crossing the road? You put him in a barking lot. - Why did the otter cross the road? To get to the otter side. - Where do animals go when they lose their tails? They go across the road to the retail shop. - and last but not least,these: Why did the chicken cross the muddy road and not come back? Because he didn't want to be a dirty double-crosser. - Why did the hen go halfway across the road and stop? She wanted to lay it on the line. -
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