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<A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final
> > plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win
> > $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the
$32,000
> > milestone money.
> > As she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no
pushover.
> > It was: Which of the following species of birds does not build its own
> > nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:
> >
> > A) the condor;
> > B) the buzzard;
> > C) the cuckoo; or
> > D) the vulture?"
> > The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was
doubly
> > on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience
> > Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and
the
> > woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it because
the
> > only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde. But the
> > contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the
> > question and the four choices.
> > The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The
> > cuckoo." The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She
> > considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer
except
> > the one that her friend had given her.
> > And considering that her friend was a blonde, it would seem to be the
> > logical thing to do. On the other hand -- the blonde had responded with
> > such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but
be
> > persuaded.
> >
> > "I need an answer," said Regis.
> >
> > Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
> >
> > "Is that your final answer?" asked Regis.
> >
> > "Yes, that is my final answer."
> >
> > Two seconds la ter, Regis ! said, "I regret to inform you that the
answer
> > is ............ absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!"
> >
> > Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and
friends
> > including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
> >
> > "Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant.
> > "Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a
> > millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was your assuredness
> > with which you answered the question that persuaded me to go with your
> > choice. By the way......how did you happen to know the right answer?"
> >
> > "Oh, come on!" said the blonde. "Everybody knows that
> > cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks.
After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling. 3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis. 6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally
behavior that was going on. So God called one of the angels and sent
the angel to Earth. When she returned, she told God, "Yes, it is bad on
Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not."
God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a
second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and
sent him to earth for a time too.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true The
earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were being
good, because he wanted to encourage them...give them a little
something to help them keep going.
Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."
So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, intelligence'?"
The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
"When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
Walter Montego: I'm calling my local beer distributor right now! Interstingly enough I applied for a job there three weeks ago when my company went out of business. :) I do believe in the product.
Summertop: You got me thinking. If instead you bought keg beer instead of cans you might do better in the recycling market. Going price for a keg of domestic is around $75, plus you have to put a deposit on the kegs of about $20. $1000 will get you 13 kegs and $25 change back. After drinking all the beer you can get $260 for retunring the kegs. I realize for an initial investment of $1235 a return of $260 is only slightly better than your very good advice, but you can further increase the yield by having some friends come over and kick in some money for a few beers. Now you can party with your friends, drink a lot of beer, and maybe even turn a profit! :)
If you bought $1000 of Nortel stock a year ago, it would now be worth $49.
With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.
With WorldCom,you would have less than $5 left.
Now, if you bought $1,000 worth of Beer over the past year, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling price, you would have $214.
Based on these figures, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is my new retirement program.
A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three
entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theatre.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he
whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're
only allowed one seat."
The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The
usher became more impatient: "Sir, if you
don't get up from there I'm going to have to
call the manager."
Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The
usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and
in a moment he returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to
move the cowboy, but with no success.
Finally they summoned the police. The Texas
Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then
asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"
"Sam," the cowboy moaned.
"Where ya all from, Sam?" asked the Ranger.
With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving
a muscle, Sam replied,
A woman in her forties was at home happily jumping on her
bed and
squealing with delight.
Her
husband watched her for a while and said, "Do you have
any idea
how
ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continued to bounce on the bed and said, "I don't
care. I
just
came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the
breasts of
an
18 year-old."
The husband said, "What did he say about your 46 year old
ass?"
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________
SHOPPI NG MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________
HAPPINES S
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVI TY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________
PROPENS ITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________
DISCUSS ION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING
YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs
and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
(Cacher) Si vous cliquez sur le pseudo d'une personne puis sur Parties finies, vous aurez la liste des parties qui ont été terminées, puis cliquez sur le nom du jeu pour avoir un résumé de toutes ces parties, et cliquez encore sur le nom de jeu et vous aurez une partie que vous pourrez voir et analyser. (Servant) (Montrer toutes les astuces)