I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went...then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club. But I never met herbivore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood. But it was a type O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period !

Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca Cola factory: I hope there’s no pop quiz.

Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn’t like my beard at first...then it grew on me.

How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it is hungry? It goes back for seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger….And then it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

-------- Later additions -----------

Should you ever need an ark, I Noah guy.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the creapes.

Velcro — what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.