<I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
>>doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
>>decided
>>to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
>>jumped up
>>and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
>>leotards
>>on, the class was over.
>>
>>--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
>>think is
>>the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply
>>replied,
>>"No peer pressure."
>>
>>--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own
>>Easter eggs.
>>
>>--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
>>very
>>elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she
>>replied.
>>"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker
>>commented. She
>>responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
>>
>>--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
>>replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm
>>half
>>blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
>>different
>>medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
>>Have
>>bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands
>>and feet
>>anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
>>But,
>>thank God, I still have my driver's license.
>>
>>
>>--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
>>preacher she
>>had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and
>>second, she
>>wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
>>exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me
>>twice a week."
>>
>>---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not
>>as
>>sharp as it used to be.
>>
>>--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill
>>out.
>>
>>
>>---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my
>>body are just prone to swinging.
>>
>>---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
>>coffeemaker.
>>
>>
>>---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For
>>fast
>>relief."
>>
>>
>>---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your
>>inner
>>child playing with matches.
>>
>>---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!
>>
>>--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You
>>grow old because you stop laughing.
>>
>>- --THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the
>>people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones
>>I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
>>
>>Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10. Oh
>>heck, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who
>>they are.
>>