<From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>>
CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Tuesday, December 6, 2005
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
+---------------------- Bizarre Laws ----------------------+
NEW YORK

It is illegal to shoot at a rabbit from a moving trolley.

Flirting with a woman can earn a fine of $25. A second
conviction is punishable by making the offender wear horse
blinders in public.

It's illegal to speak to a person while riding in an elevator
and you must fold your hands while looking forward.

You must purchase a license to hang clothes on a clothesline.

According to New York City statues the following means of
making a living are illegal: skinning horses or cows, burning
offal, growing ragweed and burning bones.

Before enactment of the 1978 law that made it mandatory for
dog owners in New York City to clean up after their pets,
approximately 40 million pounds of excrement were deposited
on the streets every year.

It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head
for fun.

The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb
to the nose and wiggling the fingers".

***

----- Padded Bra Gives Woman 'False' Sense of Security -----

FRANKENMUTH, Michigan - Bullet proof vests have been around
a while, but have you ever heard of a nail proof bra? Dana
Colwell, 31, was cutting the grass at her Frankenmuth home
when a one-and-a-half inch nail shot out from under the
mower and punctured her right breast. Fortunately, she was
wearing her Maidenform padded "liquid-curved" bra, which
broke the speed of the nail enough so it stopped short of
her heart. She told reporters she'll make sure she's wearing
the breast-enhancing bra whenever she mows the lawn in the
future. I am sure her neighbors will love to know that too.
--------------------- Here Be Dragons ----------------------

LOS ANGELES ZOO - San Francisco Chronicle executive editor
Phil Bronstein was attacked by a Komodo dragon last week
during a visit to the LA Zoo. Bronstein's wife, actress
Sharon Stone, had arranged a private tour of the Zoo as a
Father's Day surprise. The highlight of the day was going
to be an up close visit with one of the giant lizards with
which Bronstein has had a long-time fascination. Bronstein
was asked to take off his white shoes before entering the
cage to keep the 5-foot-long reptile from mistaking them
for the white rats it is fed. The strategy did not work as
the dragon lunged for one of his feet and nearly managed to
take off Bronstein's big toe. Doctors were able to rebuild
most of the toe. The dragon was not injured.

------------ Brazilian Sperm Bank Needs a Hand -------------

SAO PAULO, Brazil - Reserves are dangerously low in Sao Paulo,
Brazil. Sperm reserves, that is. To help boost "donations,"
the Department of Human Reproduction at the Albert Einstein
Hospital has launched an aggressive campaign. In one advertise-
ment, a baby boy holds a "Playboy" magazine with the following
tagline under it: "Give it a hand so that he can be born."
Worried about the depleting sources, coordinators are hoping
the "Playboy" ads will draw more attention. Fertility special-
ist Dr. Jorge Hallack explained the urgency: "Nine in ten
potential donors are rejected, so in order to have a reasonable
stock of good semen, we need to research the semen of at least
1,500 men."
-------------- Burglars Strike During TV Time --------------

BERLIN, Germany - Over 16 million people were glued to their
television sets Sunday for the Formula One motor race. Peter
W. and Hannelore T. were no exception. They were so involved
with the race on TV, apparently, that it was two hours until
they realized they had been burglarized. As they cheered for
their favorite driver burglars broke in a window on the first
floor and went through all the drawers and closets escaping
with over $4,500 in jewelry. Peter claimed, "We didn't hear a
thing." Maybe next time he'll listen when his wife tells him
to turn down the television volume.

-- Restless Robber Gets Busted After Drug Induced Cat Nap --

AHMAN, Jordan - A jittery robber became a little too relaxed
after taking sleeping tablets to calm his nerves during a
raid on a hospital pharmacy. The thief managed to slip into
the pharmacy through the cooling system, which was undergoing
maintenance work. He proceeded to take three tablets from
the haul of medication he had stolen and promptly fell asleep
while still on the premises. He was found by hospital employ-
ees who alerted police.