it missed my first two, then got one right. I want my money back....

Rose: The result of the little math function is always a multiple of "9"...look at the chart, you will see...

Summertop: WHOA!!!! even when i TRIED to trick it by redoing the same number as last time I got the same symbol!
WHOAAAA neat! Ok who can explain it?

Psychic Web Site

What goes '99, clunk -- 99, clunk -- 99, clunk'?

A centipede with a wooden leg :P

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

It would be nice if this board was used for more jokes instead of a lot of general chat..

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and then cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door." "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken furniture - $85.26

Hot Breakfast - $4.20

Red Rose bud -$3.00

Two Aspirins -$.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless.

I should check this DB more often. I always assume this DB would be fairly free from pawn invasion type attacks. I would like pawns to be able to tell jokes here as well as everyone else but this is a family oriented joke board so violaters will be swiftly dealt with. First obscene post gets deleted, second time we will give you a month ban to think it over.

Is that an Afro or a Funny Hat?

http://etchings.at.web1000.com/KimNuke.jpg

Mongoloid: Sorry, I really don't know. If you send a message to one of the mods, they may be able to tell you. Hannelore or Bry is your best bet, I believe MadMonkey is having PC problems at the moment and can't get online much. Good luck :o)

ughaibu: I don't understand what's going on??!!

harley: Do you know when the pawns will be able to post again? seems a shame...:-(

Mongoloid: I'm sorry but that was the only general chat discussion board open to pawn members.

ughaibu: Why are you banned?

harley: Sorry to hear that...Where can we go to chat?

This really isn't the place to ask! But, the mods decided to change the settings so pawns can't post, because a few were causing trouble. theres a post about it, but its probably quite far down now.

Hey,what happened to general chat?:-(

ughaibu: "Danger, Will Robinson!"

danoschek: lol

'

'
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well
within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry
which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override
the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one
by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in
your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to
become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally
gunned down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer
to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses,
pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks,
which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. During all police investigations, it will be
necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

skipinnz: Lmao thats a good one so very true!

skipinnz: hehehe.. so true!

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their butts!
The results of this study are pretty interesting:

· 85% of women think their butt is too big...

· 10% of women think their butt is too little...

· The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway

Backoff: Oh wow those are so awesome lmao:)

Summertop: Thanks how are you?

here's some good ones for you guys.

http://68.209.107.234/photos/new/1.gif
http://68.209.107.234/photos/new/2.gif
http://68.209.107.234/photos/new/3.gif
http://68.209.107.234/photos/new/4.jpg

JennyElizabeth: Thanks...Welcome to BrainKing

Summertop: Thats an awesome joke:)

that was a cool joke

hehe eriisa very good

Haha, I own that dog!!

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of the state he lived in.
After spending the night, his grandfather prepared
breakfast for him consisting of eggs and Bacon.
He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather. "Are these plates
clean?"
His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal."
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his
grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks
around the edge of his plate, and a substance that
looked like egg yolks. He asked again, "Are you
sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up from his hamburger his
grandfather said, "I told you before, those dishes
are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't
ask me anymore."
Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get
dinner in a nearby town, As he was leaving, his
grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't
let him pass.
He said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out."
Without diverting his attention from the football
game he was watching his grandfather shouted,
"COLDWATER, go lay down."

Thad: Thanks.

Rose: an escalator & a typo. ;-)

runningwolf: What is a secaltor?

12 Blonds were stuck on a secaltor for sevral hours during a power outage

Jason: yep, must be read with the aussie accent! lol

This Text is from an actual letter from a kid
from Eromanga to Mum and Dad after joining the army.

(For those of you not in the know, Eromanga is
a small town west of Quilpie approx 10 hours west of
Brisbane in the far south west of Queensland,
Australia)

If you can 'hear' this with an Aussie accent it
will definitely enhance the flavour ;-)

************************************
Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too.

Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the
Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to
get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone!

I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first,
because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I
like sleeping in now, cuz all you gotta do before
brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya
uniform. No cows to milk, no calves to feed, no
feed to stack nothin'! Blokes haz gotta shave though,
but it's not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and
even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but
there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum
makes. You don't get fed again until noon, and by that
time all the city boys are buggered because we've been
on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to
the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil
with laughter.

I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why.
The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it
don't move and its not firing back at ya like the
Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their
prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do i
s make yourself comfortable and hit the target - its a
piece of pi55!! You don't even load your own
cartridges - they comes in little boxes and ya don't
have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo
shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys
and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's
not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori
and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home
after the muster.

Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it
looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've
only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers -
he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pickhandles across
the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and
eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the
other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys
to get in quick before word gets around how good
it is.

Your loving daughter,

Jill

furbster: I love it!! lol

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

One problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it's not the same hat!"

"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table."

"Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then the ship sank.

The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back:

"OK, I give up. Where's the F******g ship?

skipinnz: LMAO!

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said,

"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"