ketchuplover: An unidentified frying object.

A mathematician is at a restaurant with several of his friends. After the meal, they ask for separate bills. When the mathematician approaches the cashier, she asks him, "Where is your bill?" He hands her a slip of paper with the number 1004180 written on it. She smiles, and says "That's okay."

dams: No, I did not understand #26 at all.

dams: I especially like items #10, #15 and #17.

Clark Kent: I'm glad that I managed to complete my report on the bank robbery, with 2 hours to spare before our paper's deadline.
Jimmy Olsen: That's super, man!
Clark Kent: Please, Jimmy, not so loud. I don't want everyone to know.

Fast Food: When the lion pursues the antelope.

Chow Mein: What the lion said before getting a haircut.

A U.P.S. driver has a package to deliver to Mrs. Jackson. So he drives to the address, which is a townhouse. A little girl is sitting on the steps leading up to the entrance, playing with a doll. The driver asks the girl, "Is your mother at home?" "Yes," replies the girl. The driver climbs the stairs & knocks at the door. No answer. He waits for a minute & knocks again. As nobody comes to the door, the driver goes back down the stairs & says to the girl, "I thought you said that your mom was at home." So the girl replies, "Yes, Mom is at home, but we don't live here."

A rabbit and a snake once met. The rabbit said to the snake, "I wonder what sort of creature you are." The snake replied, "I also wonder what you are."

So the rabbit said, "Okay, I'll tell you." "No," answered the snake, "we both should guess. I'll start. You have white fur, long ears and a cotton tail. You must be an albino rabbit."

Now it was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "You have scales and a forked tongue, but you don't have ears. You must be a music critic."

Schoolboy's reason for truancy: bored of education.

Papa Bear came down the stairs, yawning. He entered the dining room, and saw that there was no food on the table. In a grumpy voice, he said, "Someone has stolen my porridge."

Soon after that, Baby Bear came to the dining room, and said "Someone has stolen my porridge, too."

Then Mama Bear came down the stairs, looking very tired. She entered the dining room, and saw that her husband and son both were quite upset. So Mama Bear said "Complaints, complaints, even before I make breakfast!"

A lady and her little boy were traveling by train, sharing the compartment with 2 men. One of the men decided that the boy looked very strange, but didn't mention it. The other man was much more direct, telling the mother, "You have a very ugly son."

The mother burst into tears. After she had stopped crying, she demanded an apology from the man for insulting her. He refused to apologize.

When the conductor approached the compartment to punch tickets, the lady told him that a fellow passenger had insulted her.

The conductor replied, "This is terrible. On this railway, we always wish to ensure that our passengers have a pleasant trip. We focus on good customer service. To make up for the problem you have had with another passenger, I am offering you a free meal in our dining car. I can probably find a banana for your monkey, too."

Little Mary was in class, chewing green bubble gum. Her feet were sticking out into the aisle of the classroom. So the teacher said, "Mary, take that gum out of your mouth, and put your feet in!"

Dad: Johnny, how was your first day at school? What did you learn?
Johnny: Today I learned a lot of new words.
Dad: What words have you learned, then?
Johnny: Disrupt, misbehave, annoy, atrocious, nervous breakdown and sabbatical.

amandalove: 2%er with Dominican Republic, cat and tangerine.

Mrs. Jones puts a dish of food on the dinner table, and says to her husband, 'The 2 dishes I cook best are apple pie and beef stew.' He tastes the food, and asks, 'Which is this?'

dams: At a dinner given by the firm Snedding and Wakefield, a man who was to make a speech was drunk. He referred to the company as "Wedding and Snakefield."

A man from a small village in Africa was in New York City, to attend a business meeting.

While he was waiting in the lobby of the office building, he saw a middle-aged woman approach a set of double doors and press a button next to them. Soon the doors slid open, and the woman walked through. Then the doors closed. A minute later, the doors opened again, and a young woman stepped out.

"We need a device like that for our village," said the African visitor to himself.