BrainKing - Forum di discussione (Jokes)

Argomento: Re:

Oceans Apart:

22. Febbraio 2007, 19:50:35

Argomento: Re:

Oceans Apart:

A good one.

24. Gennaio 2007, 19:13:11

Argomento: Re:

rednaz23:Ehhhm, it makes sense now, but it's still not funny at all! Thanks for the clarification.

23. Gennaio 2007, 19:22:51

Argomento: Re:

danheg:

17. Dicembre 2006, 15:29:47

Argomento: Re:

Purple:probably ....

6. Dicembre 2006, 11:20:09

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you
tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

6. Dicembre 2006, 11:07:49

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can
never reach me."

Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"

Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next

best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."

Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"

Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."

Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"

Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code
keeps changing."

6. Dicembre 2006, 11:06:54

A brunette is trying to get across a river and
suddenly she spots a blonde on the other side. She yells over to the
blonde "Hey, excuse me! How do I get over to the other side?" And after a
quick survey of the river, the blonde calls back "You ARE on the other
side!"

6. Dicembre 2006, 11:05:17

A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead
bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?"

6. Dicembre 2006, 11:03:31

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding
and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in
a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just
yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
show it to you."

6. Dicembre 2006, 11:02:51

A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day,
listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted,
and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just
make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman
looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she
was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the
headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick
them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was
very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is
what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath
out..."!

28. Novembre 2006, 16:39:12

This is why I didn't show up for
work yesterday. I was cleaning out my wife's grandpa's cellar and
found 12 bottles of his home-bottled grape wine under the steps. My
wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the
sink, or else. I agreed to do the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork form the first bottle and poured the contents
down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I
extracted the cork from the second bottle, did likewise, and drank
one glass, just to check the taste to see if the old fellow knew his
wine making. He did.

I then opened the third bottle, and poured it, too, down the sink,
but not until drinking one full glass to check the purity. It was
very good. I did this, also with the fourth bottle. One glass for
myself, and the rest down the sink. I pulled the bottle from the
cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest
down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured
the cork from the bottle, then corked the sink with the glass,
bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand,
counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, which
were 29, and as the house came by I counted them again, and finally
had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I felt so foolish
that I couldn't go upstairs and congratulate my wife to tell her
what a great winemaker her grandpa was. I will do that after
climbing the basement steps the next time they come by.

26. Novembre 2006, 18:30:47

After being with her all evening, the man
couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had
secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would
have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim
expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just
died."

"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't,
mine would have had to!"

26. Novembre 2006, 18:28:18

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a
mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially
by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together
again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?"
The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I
have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it
is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in
a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of
lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to
watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped
out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

26. Novembre 2006, 18:26:39

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and
one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel
came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to
them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to
bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do
anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel
brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the
bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling,
laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two
statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel,
winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male
statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon
down and I'll cr*p on it's head."

26. Novembre 2006, 18:25:13

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha
went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling
plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person.
Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really
should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want
to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is
tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the
next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy
wants to ride, but Martha says no money.

Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about
70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70
now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just
have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha
replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps
down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the
conversation...

The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I
couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for
you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both
make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the
slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of
you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look
at each other, and agree to take the ride.

The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop
de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot
lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to
hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was
my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says,
"Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10
is $10!"

12. Novembre 2006, 17:56:44

Children_Un_Friendly Jokes

Send me a request if you want to join.

7. Novembre 2006, 14:34:41

Argomento: Re: MASTERCARD

Haridaspal:

29. Ottobre 2006, 16:59:12

Argomento: Re: Egg Timer:

mook53lhd:Yes, I got the joke. Thanks for the help. Pgt and Tuesday, I thank you too.

29. Ottobre 2006, 02:45:03

Argomento: Re:

tazman7474:OK. No explanations!

29. Ottobre 2006, 01:35:44

Argomento: Re: Egg Timer:

crosseyed:

I need explanation to understand it!

27. Ottobre 2006, 22:52:28

Argomento: Re: sent by a good friend of mine

Fiona:By English I was referring to the Language!

27. Ottobre 2006, 22:49:31

Argomento: Re: sent by a good friend of mine

Fiona:

Thanks Fiona. That was one of the few English jokes that have made me laugh.

28. Settembre 2006, 04:15:45

Argomento: Re: Some things you can't explain

skipinnz:

24. Settembre 2006, 12:47:53

Argomento: Re: Mom and son on train

ArnieTxx:

22. Settembre 2006, 19:47:55

Argomento: Re:

Stardust:

19. Settembre 2006, 13:20:11

Well, I don't know of any English jokes, but I'll translate one into English and see what'll happen:

A man sees his young friend on the street wearing black from tip to toe. So he asks: "Oh, what's the matter? Why are you wearing all black?"

He answers: "Ahh, nothing. My father just died. I'm coming back from the funeral."

"Then why are your pants torn?" his friend asks again.

"Well, poor dady, God rest his soul, wouldn't let us bury him."

19. Settembre 2006, 13:16:03

Argomento: Re:

Universal Eyes:

19. Settembre 2006, 13:13:49

Argomento: Re: Three Women in Mexico....

Nirvana:

27. Agosto 2006, 20:24:52