playBunny: LOL oh that is a great one..

ScarletRose:

YOU are a great one too Scarlet!!! ;)

This was developed as an age test by an R&D department
at Harvard University Take your time and see if you
can read each line aloud without a mistake.
The average person over 40 years of age can't do it!
1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is person cat
9. This is busy cat
10.This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down .

rascal95035: How abour 11 seconds?

pgt: LOL

read this sentence out loud repeatedly.
1st time read the whole thing.
each consecuative time , read it out loud as per the last time you red it except for the last word:

oh! harry let's not park here.

nobleheart: ummmm ahhhhh that's naughty!!! hehehehehe

nobleheart: lol

ScarletRose: I heard that one already. My wife said those exact words when we were dating!

Now she says....hehehe can't say it here ;)

1) Good:
An Erie, PA policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't
getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we
used to just sell lemonade!)

2) Better:
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Pittsburgh, PA A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

3) Absolute Best:
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Pennsylvania State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball." He replied, "Pennsylvania State Troopers don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, turned, got back in his patrol car and left while she was so busy laughing she couldn't even start her car

ClayNashvilleTn: ROFLMAO

ClayNashvilleTn: Hold on while I pick myself up off the floor. I think I might have to try that last one if I ever get pulled over!!!! :D

ClayNashvilleTn: wooooooo hooooOOo! That was funny! ;) ok, I got a good one

but can't remember the punch line....darn it!

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 " thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund---but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all.

Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing,", said Bush. "We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."

Beren the 32nd: that was to funny rotflmbo

spicieangel:

spicieangel:
canine cackles:
http://www.billzilla.org/DOGBLOW.jpg
http://www.grendoxdachshunds.com/weenie%20dog%20magnet.jpg
http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/swa0199l.jpg
http://www.forcounsel.com/products/8216.jpg
http://www.camplotsadogs.ca/images/joke-memo.gif
http://www.offthemarkcartoons.com/cartoons/1995-02-25.gif
http://www.craigmarloch.org.uk/images/jokes/lostpupy.jpg
http://www.rawmeatybones.com/readers_pics/DogLawyer.jpg
http://wired.st-and.ac.uk/~chris/humour/image/dog.jpg
http://marbella.to/humour/aug00/catsale.jpg

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.

Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."

"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did."

"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"

"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."

The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"

yoyudax: Now that was cute.

nobleheart: Some excellent cartoons.

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?" He replies, "To the kitchen." She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replies, "Sure."She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He says, "No, I can remember that." She then says, "Well I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that." He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replies, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down." With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."

nobleheart: lol, those were great ::)

yoyudax: so that's my problem lol!

ArtfulDodger: Are you a grouch? LOL

 A guy walks into a bar and see's his buddy sitting there with a 12 inch lighter.
 " Hey, where did you get that" he asks.
 "You won't believe it, I was rubbing this beer glass and this genie pops out to grant me one wish"
 So the guy begs to try it himself.
He rubs the glass and sure enough....out pops the genie!
The genie grants him one wish.............
and as expected the guy wishes for " a million bucks".
After a few minutes the bar starts filling up with ducks.
The guy says " Wait a minute, I didn't ask for a million ducks".
His buddy replies " You think I asked for a 12 inch bic?"

Foxy Lady: Hey, here's a funny for you. My wife and I are watching "Finding Neverland" and look over at the baby infant seat in our downstairs.....and our little Yorkie is in it!!! lolol!!

hey AD I love your new jed clampett look.
hot dam granny,makes me want to run right out & jump in the C-ment pond.

ArtfulDodger: OMG whats funny is you look so cute.

Foxy Lady: So my face fits in with this DB? ;)

ArtfulDodger: It sure does lol !!!!!!

michael jacson's next cosmetic surgery:
http://www.planetstern.com/pod/jackson.jpg

nobleheart: OMG i almost chocked on my coffee.

oopps sorry foxy

nobleheart: I got to show that too my hubby lmao

playBunny:
That is so funny!thanks for sharing it!

Try this one for size! .... Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said: "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have rough sex." Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said: "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said: "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?" .... LOL!

Wow some of these jokes are sailing a bit close to the border! Please keep it family friendly

harley:
sorry :)

Mrs. Jones puts a dish of food on the dinner table, and says to her husband, 'The 2 dishes I cook best are apple pie and beef stew.' He tastes the food, and asks, 'Which is this?'

you have to find,on your own, a set of "long lost twins" (or triplets)as a joke.
heres my 1st two to start you & so you get the idea.
--
long lost twins set 1:
ET
http://www.originalalamo.com/images/et.jpg
kelsey grammar
http://media.mnginteractive.com/media/paper210/112504_grammar.jpg
-
long lost triplets set 2:
michael jackson
http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/38289000/jpg/_38289931_jackson150.jpg
ari
http://www.threemoviebuffs.com/miscreview/planetoftheapes3.jpg
phantom of the opera
http://www.doctormacro.com/Images/Chaney%20Sr.,%20Lon/Chaney%20Sr.,%20Lon%20(Phantom%20of%20the%20Opera,%20The)_01.jpg

long lost twins set 2:
bruno gerussi
http://www.canadiancopywriter.ca/brunogerussi.jpg
obelix
http://rallye.gaulois.free.fr/intro-obelix.gif

http://www.greenapple.com/~jorp/amzanim/Wrinkles.jpg

CleverHunk: hehehe

CleverHunk: actually there is a kid that was born here in Australia that had an overproduction of the protein (I think it's a protein) that causes the same wrinkles as it does in that breed of dog. He is now about 9 years old and has just about grown into his 'wrinkles'.

A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."

The father of an inquisitive son had finally had enough:
"You never stop asking questions. All day long you ask questions. Where would I be if I'd continually pestered my Dad with questions like you?"

His son's immediate reply:
"You might have be able to answer some of mine."

playBunny: OHHHHHHHHH have me and the wife ever been embaressed.

ClayNashvilleTn: LOLOL. I won't ask why, but my curiousity is now most like.

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your count that votes.

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

17. Every calendar's days are numbered.

18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

24. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

30 Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.