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 JokesA place to share jokes, funny stories, and to just laugh in general :-) Please remember this board can be (and is) accessed by children. All jokes should be family friendly. No profanity No jokes of a sexual nature KEEP IT PG rated Thanks! U hebt geen toestemming om berichten op dit forum achter te laten. Het minimaal vereiste lidmaatschap om berichten op dit forum achter te mogen laten is Brain Paard. Modus: Iedereen kan berichten achterlaten
22. februari 2007, 19:50:35 Onderwerp: Re: Oceans Apart:  A good one.24. januari 2007, 19:13:11 Onderwerp: Re: rednaz23:Ehhhm, it makes sense now, but it's still not funny at all! Thanks for the clarification. 17. december 2006, 15:29:47 Onderwerp: Re: Purple:probably .... 6. december 2006, 11:20:09 A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up. 6. december 2006, 11:07:49 A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing." 6. december 2006, 11:06:54 A brunette is trying to get across a river and suddenly she spots a blonde on the other side. She yells over to the blonde "Hey, excuse me! How do I get over to the other side?" And after a quick survey of the river, the blonde calls back "You ARE on the other side!" 6. december 2006, 11:05:17 A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?" 6. december 2006, 11:03:31 A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you." 6. december 2006, 11:02:51 A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out..."! 28. november 2006, 16:39:12 This is why I didn't show up for work yesterday. I was cleaning out my wife's grandpa's cellar and found 12 bottles of his home-bottled grape wine under the steps. My wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I agreed to do the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork form the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle, did likewise, and drank one glass, just to check the taste to see if the old fellow knew his wine making. He did. I then opened the third bottle, and poured it, too, down the sink, but not until drinking one full glass to check the purity. It was very good. I did this, also with the fourth bottle. One glass for myself, and the rest down the sink. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork from the bottle, then corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, which were 29, and as the house came by I counted them again, and finally had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I felt so foolish that I couldn't go upstairs and congratulate my wife to tell her what a great winemaker her grandpa was. I will do that after climbing the basement steps the next time they come by. 26. november 2006, 18:30:47 After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!" 26. november 2006, 18:28:18 An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother." 26. november 2006, 18:26:39 For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll cr*p on it's head." 26. november 2006, 18:25:13 One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop 12. november 2006, 17:56:44 7. november 2006, 14:34:41 Onderwerp: Re: MASTERCARD Haridaspal:  29. oktober 2006, 16:59:12 Onderwerp: Re: Egg Timer: mook53lhd:Yes, I got the joke. Thanks for the help. Pgt and Tuesday, I thank you too. 29. oktober 2006, 02:45:03 Onderwerp: Re: tazman7474:OK. No explanations!  29. oktober 2006, 01:35:44 Onderwerp: Re: Egg Timer: crosseyed:  I need explanation to understand it!  27. oktober 2006, 22:52:28 Onderwerp: Re: sent by a good friend of mine Fiona:By English I was referring to the Language!  27. oktober 2006, 22:49:31 Onderwerp: Re: sent by a good friend of mine Fiona: Thanks Fiona. That was one of the few English jokes that have made me laugh.28. september 2006, 04:15:45 Onderwerp: Re: Some things you can't explain skipinnz:  24. september 2006, 12:47:53 Onderwerp: Re: Mom and son on train ArnieTxx: 19. september 2006, 13:20:11 Well, I don't know of any English jokes, but I'll translate one into English and see what'll happen: A man sees his young friend on the street wearing black from tip to toe. So he asks: "Oh, what's the matter? Why are you wearing all black?" He answers: "Ahh, nothing. My father just died. I'm coming back from the funeral." "Then why are your pants torn?" his friend asks again. "Well, poor dady, God rest his soul, wouldn't let us bury him." 19. september 2006, 13:16:03 Onderwerp: Re: Universal Eyes: 19. september 2006, 13:13:49 Onderwerp: Re: Three Women in Mexico.... Nirvana: 27. augustus 2006, 20:24:52 Onderwerp: Re: not as aloof as assummed! rabbitoid:I'll answer you in a message. 27. augustus 2006, 18:42:49 Onderwerp: Re: not as aloof as assummed! Aangepast door King Reza (27. augustus 2006, 18:43:14) rabbitoid:And I never figured out why French people write so many letters in a word but don't read almost half of them! 20. juli 2006, 13:18:45 20. juli 2006, 13:09:09 Onderwerp: Re: Wal-Mart Dolittle:And as a person who doesn't know WalMart and nor does he know the different types of wine, I didn't understand it at all! |
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