And nothing funny has happened in the whole world for two months!

with launching the United States' nuclear arsenal ....citizens are encouraged to evacuate now!

Where do mummies go for a swim? Answer : to the dead sea !!! To
What kind of music do mummies like? Answer: wrap must !!!
Ha! Ha! Ha!

stingray1: correcting my typo to wrap music,

If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.

pgt:

Q. What goes oh! oh! oh!?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. What kind of music do Santa's helpers like?
A. Wrap music!

Q.What's every parent's favorite Christmas carol?
A. Silent Night!

haha

stingray1: Yep yep good

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought “That’s the last thing I need!”

ooookkkkk

pgt:

INFINITE GUFFAWAGE :)

They fell in glove :)

the 5th of November

water bed is frozen" - Rodney Dangerfield

2 out of 3 words using the letters s a m p aren't bad

No jokes for about six months! What a sad world!

Ok!!

Someone stole my credit card, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did!

pgt:

over there!

A wife gives her husband a cheating test.
A man's wife wanted to know how her husband would react if she was to just up and leave one day so she came up with a way to trick her husband into thinking she had left. She wrote a note saying how she was tired of living with him and doesn't want to put up with him anymore. She left the note on the kitchen counter and hid under the bed and waited for her husband to come home.

Her husband soon came home, saw the note and wrote something on it. Immediately he started dancing and singing while changing into another pair of clothes. He than proceeds to dial someone and says: Hey babe the idiot finally had enough of me, I was so stupid to marry her wish I found you first, I'll be over in 10 minutes! He than rushes out the door and drives off in his car.

The wife comes out from under the bed, tears in her eyes goes to read what her husband had wrote on the note, it said; " I can see your feet sticking out from under the bed idiot, I have gone to buy some beer."

BadBoy7: That was very funny.

melted

ketchuplover:

is random always spelled the same?

ketchuplover: Predictably, yes it is.

A russian peasant came to the world champion and said he had a system that guaranteed white won in 12 moves against any defense....the champion took the challenge twice losing in 12 moves both times....then the 2nd best player took him on and also lost in 12 moves....OMG! said the listener 'what did you do?' the champion replied 'why we killed him of course'